There are so many emotions we have to deal with. Guilt can be a strong one. I felt guilty for not being able to do more to save him. My grief share leader suggested replacing the word guilt with regret.

I can understand your feelings. My husband and I had only four years together retired (although I am grateful for that time) Just feel it is unfair he didn't get the opportunity to enjoy more after many years of hard work and his military service in Viet Nam.

@Caroline replace guilt with regret I think I will remember that.
We were supposed to this year go to Alaska in our campers with another couple, he was so looking forward to that. Maybe someday I will get to go

I understand the feeling of guilt. I feel like that most days. It has been 11 months and everyday I feel guilty. I do like the word regrets so much better that guilt. I regret everyday that I could not do more for him, I regret everyday I did not tell him how much I loved him, I regret everyday all the things he will never be able to see or do.

As I read through the comments it really hits me that so many have the same experiences and "regrets" as I do. We were planning to do traveling also, special things like the train ride over the Sierra's to Reno in the winter that he always wanted to do. These reminders make me sad but also help me cope. Thanks and hugs to you all.

Hugs to all of you. I too feel that replacing guilt to regret is a good thing. I regret every day that he is not here to share with; traveling and just having more time together,

i like the suggestion to replace the word with guilt with regret..although i am loaded with guilt everyday...yes, i too feel guilty for no being able to save him...as he passed right before my eyes at home.....we too worked on our upstairs master bed/bath..ourselves...worked hard, together...and just when we were almost done...he was diagnosed with cancer, then treatments took over, took over his body and made him week...i too wish he could have just retired after all his years ofhard work and vietnam...too...we only were married almost 5 years and i feel robbed too..we were just so perfect for each other...i have moved up to our master bed/bath all alone now..a very hard decision to make, but i did it in honor of my honey and us...because it would be something he would want me to do...but i do feel guilty that he isnt here to enjoy too, and do regret that he could not enjoy...i will never understand life...or what happens in life..maybe we are not supposed to understand..

Tpoulos, I am very glad to see that you are using your home to entertain. It is extremely hard to reach out to that point, I know. Those feelings are just how I feel. The everyday feelings that have become a little less through time--2 1/2 years since my husband died. I am so sad he is not here.
Donnie was diagnosed in March'08 and died sept. '08. Only retired May '07. Had bought truck and fifth wheel '07 and we had only taken 4 trips. Cancer also took his strength and life. I try to remember that God has a plan and we will meet again!
The word guilt replaced by regret caroline04 mentioned, is wonderful, so I'm going to try to remember it. I am surprised at all the ones who feel guilty, as I have, everyday. I hope we will all be eased from that pain.
I took a chance to try to move forward and bought a small motor home and have met some wonderful ladies who also travel. Hugs to ALL, Darlene

Sometimes I feel guilty, because I feel as though I am betraying him. That my devotion is not where it should be. So I don't think it is guilt in my case. I think I am afraid I might forget him. Yet I know I won't! Its impossible! We were together 18 years. Thats why I think its a sense of betrayal that I feel. Its as if at that momemt I am actually "living" without him, and it feels strange.

Its been 8 mos. He used to say to me that he would "miss" me when he dies. Maybe that too adds to the feelings of betrayal.

I work through this feeling by talking out loud to him, I tell him how much I miss him, how he was my best freind and my everything. It helps to hear me talking to him. I can almost here him saying, its OK, I like it when you smile.

I know in my heart that my husband loved me so much, that he would not want me to be feeling sad or alone or afraid to live. He loved life.

So I imagine him, in his spirit form, watching me, smiling, encouraging me to love life with him in my heart. And so I try, so that the world can see how lucky I was to have had him love me.

I too felt my husband loved me so much. He let me know it everyday of our lives together. Its why I feel so much pain in my heart. I regret alot of things like everyone else. I felt he deserved so much more. I love and miss you so much hon. Edie

I'm so sorry for so much pain everyone is expressing. I relieve the feelings of guilt by remembering how much we loved each other, the wonderful moments that made our life special, the fact that I know he loves me and he knows I love him. He spent his life working for his family's happiness and I know he wants that today as much as he did when he lived here with us.

Sure I miss him, but so much of him is still with me. I can see him reading the paper in his recliner. I remember the coffee he put on the nightstand as he said, "Good Morning"

It takes time and hard work but be assured eventually you will find peace with what he left in your heart and the memories that you will never forget. BE patient and let the tears cleanse your pain and keep taking one step at a time. Sharon

most times i dont know how to get through all the guilt...i try to remind myself that we loved each other so much...more than anything in the world..and he knew how much i loved him always....guilt is such a powerful thing....i still tothis day feel like somehow i could have saved him..that i should have saved him...that something, somehow, treatments or decisions we made could have been different and he would still be here...that i should have changed doctors, done different things...oh i could go on and on and on....all my "if onlys"...just keep going over and over in my head...and some days its so very hard to deal with...so i try to push it back, way back...i too miss him so much, sometimes its upbarable...he will always be in my heart and soul...he will always be a part of me...i will never have another, ever...even though i am so very lonely...i just couldnt...thank goodness for my family and babies

Gee... do I relate to all this guilt. We loved each other so very much...I feel guilty when I am somewhat enjoying myself..because I miss him so much. I have work that needs to be done on our home; an addittion he started and wasnt able to complete. I have a crew coming out tomorrow to level the main structure...but when I think of starting the addittion...it breaks my heart that he wont be here to enjoy it. My daughter said..."momma...just remember that daddy started it..the foundation was laid by him...so even on the addittion,part of him is there." It seems like never ending guilt...that I am here and he is not....Debbie

I remember telling my sweetie that "I don't "do" regret well. Boy if I didn't know myself even back then!!! so MANY regrets, but I too, feel that we both KNEW that we loved each other so much.We told each other with words, but also without them many times. Now, I just try to trust that he KNEW how much I loved him, and how much I miss him now. I believe that he does from time to time "tell' me he knows by little signs he leaves for me. It HELPS in those unsure times i have! There was also a song that we sent back and forth to each other, as I remember so much through the songs.....it was always, and always will be more than words.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9CeNo4Q7p0 That's how we all know we loved them, even if we didn't all say it as much as we would have liked to! I KNOW that's true for me! Get's me through the times that I have that Guilt monster weighing heavy on me.