I need to vent today, I am a strong person usually, but today everyone I am so down and I am wishing god would take me in my sleep. I feel so sad today and I don’t know why. I have done cleaning as I am crying today and with that being said I think if I keep this up I will have all my cleaning done in a few days....good ole spring cleaning. 

It started today when I was vacuuming and usually Gary always helped me by moving the dogs toys and bed and moving stuff so I could vacuum then he would put them back. Well today I broke down wishing he was here. I mean I have vacuumed before but this time it just hit me hard. I mean I broke down and cried so much I took the machine part off and you just have the suction tube, well I was sucking all the fur my dog was shedding and sucked it up, he just sat there and let me.....sure he looked at me as if to say “mom your losing it....” he is my rock.mi wish I could go and join Gary in my sleep, you know just fall asleep and never wake up. Why am I left here......why could we have gone together. 

I haven’t done that for a while, but sometimes I keep stuff inside as I am a very quiet person and I guess the feelings just festered and now they are coming out....full force. I don’t have family to talk to as they didn’t care, and my best friend has a week offf this week and I don’t want to ruin her time off by listening to me crying. 

I have done counseling and I am glad I did, and group therapy as well, and they did say I would have setbacks once in a while and sometimes I don’t want to pick myself up I just want to curl up in the corner and cry until Gary comes to get me so I can be with him for ever. 

Thanks for letting me vent. You guys are the BEST FRIENDS to talk to as everyone is going through the same thing.