Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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silverfoxwife 08/26/2012

My husband died overseas on May 16 this year. He was only 2 days away from coming home. He went to dinner with some vendors and fell seriously ill. He was so ill that he could not speak. Two vendors took him back to the hotel and basically watched him died before providing medical care. They thought he was drunk. He had never been drunk in his life. I got the shock of my life that he died alone and far away. It took almost 3 weeks to get him home. I am so numb that as of today, I still don't have any anger towards those people.

deleted_user 08/26/2012

I am so sorry to hear this. It is not surprising that you are still numb. I found myself going through many stages the first few months. The numbness is helpful for a while, but eventually wears off. It's probably good that we have a way to let in part of the grief at a time in the beginning. Keep reading posts and talking with friends. The anger will likely surface at some point and it will be another challenge to work through. I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband. There is no easy way to go through this, but friends who understand help. Peace. Darleen

Maritele10 08/26/2012

Sorry for your lost. I don't know if I ever was numb. But you have to do what is good for you. This a good place to write and ask questions. No matter what you are feeling someone on this site has gone through it. It helps me when I know that I am not alone in my thoughts and feeling.
Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Marilyn

deleted_user 08/26/2012

I'm sorry for your loss. I, too had a situation where my husband recieved a disturbing phone call and an hr later had died, I don't know if the phone call had anything to do with his death but I'm not angry at the man who stressed my husband out how did he know what was going to happen? You might get angry in the future, that would be normal. Numb? oh yes still after 15 weeks, I know what you mean. Try to go with the flow each day as it comes, 1 step at a time. I hope it gets easier for you and I'm sorry you had to go through all of that. Beth

cheerryG 08/27/2012

You are in disbelief, and numb. I am here to tell you that you will get mad. So mad that your heart will want to explode, the kind of mad that breaks things beyond repair... And if you bypass this stage of grief, it will circle around and come back in disguise. It is essential to feel it fully, so you can forgive, and learn to live with this. Please take care of yourself, and let us know how you are doing, we care... G-

NewRoadsForMe 08/27/2012

Yes, unexpressed anger leads to depression.

deleted_user 08/27/2012

I'm sorry for you loss...and it sounds like your just numb...the next mood swing could come at any time and be any emotion. Just know you have friends here when it happens.

silverfoxwife 08/27/2012

I am still in disbelief that he is gone. I laid out his shoes by the exit, his combs and toothbrush are still by his sink. I kept half of his clothes in the closet so it doesn't feel empty. At beginning I suppressed all emotions and worked hard to bring him home. After he returned home and rested, I sometimes trembled at night and I had to scream to get the sadness out. Thank you all for your comments and support, it is very much appreciated.

deleted_user 08/28/2012

I am so very sorry for the loss of your husband. There is no easy way to lose a spouse and my heart breaks for you. My husband died suddenly on May 4, 2011 and I think I was in shock and disbelief for 6 months and yes you feel numb and like you are on auto-pilot just to get through the days........
Your emotions will be all over the map for some time to come. You need to process and feel all your losses which are devastating....
Come to DS often as there is always someone to lend an ear and walk with you on this journey.........hugs

deleted_user 08/28/2012

I am so very sorry for your great loss. I cant imagine getting that news so far away.

As these wise people have said. You are numb. there is nothing else you CAN be right now, and I am SOOO sorry you have to go through this pain. I was fotunate enough to be at my husbands side when he left this world and I was numb, on auto pilot, and in very much denial fo so long. My mind knew what I had seen, but my heart took a very long time to catch up with it.

I am so glad you have found this place. there is a very special family here, of caring compassionate people who have true understanding of all that you are feeling and the feelings that haven't even begun yet.

please be as kind as you can to yourself, and know that whatever you DO feel when ever it is...most importantly...it is NORMAL...all of it. you will feel lost, confused, heartbroken hopeful, in denail, and yes you will at some point feel ANGER. KNOW they are all normal..as normal as the numbness you are feeling now.

and MOST IMPORTANTLY, know you are in a good place where people get it, and you will GET THROUGH THIS HORROR one step at a time with help from friends who care. you have found them here.

HUGS of welcome understanding, and friendship...Diane

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