You begin with one day at a time. Sometimes it will need to be moment by moment. You begin by letting the emotions come, let the tears flow, and listening to what you think is best. Don't do things like giving things away until you are sure that is what you want to do. There's no time line for decisions, so postpone them until you're sure.
You see I lost my husband to lung cancer and I understand the horrible way this loss effects every moment of our life. I care. Gentle hugs, Sharon

Thank you, Sharon

Exactly as Sharon said - one day at a time, one breath at a time. Do only what you need to do to survive. Try to drink water to stay hydrated, eat whatever you can and sleep as you can. This journey is exhausting. In the early days there were days I was pretty proud of myself for being out of bed, showered and dressed. We all get it here, so know you always have a place to come where you will be heard and understood. Sending you a hug. Kate.

I do wish I had some specific answers for you but most of what I would say would be words your have hard in the past couple of weeks. My wife passed 28 August, 2015, and I am on a road which you are just beginning. The road is even more difficult for you than many others as you begin after such a difficult experience with the cancer battle for 12 1/2 years. I cannot imagine such an experience as you must be exhausted in addition to dealing with the loss of your husband. I can only tell you the sun keeps rising and setting as you move further away from losing him. The speeding roller coaster of emotions you are experiencing shall begin to slow in the coming months but you will not notice it as it happens. You will only realize it look back just a little from time to time to measure your progress on this road. I can say " it gets better " and it does but at almost one year, it also comes back in force from time to time. It is truly a challenge but just remember he no longer has cancer. He is no longer suffer and will never have cancer again. From what you have said, I suspect he would want to you think of him and remember all the special moments from the time you met him and at various points along the way. Those special members are going to be important to provide strength to you as you slowly move along this road. You are in my prayers.

Blessings - Darrell in Texas




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Please forgive the typos. I shall improve.

Darrell in Texas

Thank you all for your kind words. Yes, I am tired and so was he. He had just rebounded m beat every odd over and over again. We also k ew that his multiple myeloma would eventually win but I never thought that I would have to make the decision to put him on a morphine drip. What a horrible experience that was for me to have to go through. He left a letter with his best friend the year before he died to be read at his celebration of life in which he told me that he knew I would second guess myself but he knew that I did everything right and saw him through with dignity, grave and unconditional love. That letter was a beautiful gift from him.

Be easy on yourself. As to going through your husband's belongings and keeping or donating, when the time came that looking at my husband's clothes hanging in our closet brought me more pain than comfort I began the process. It took awhile and I left his clothes I had decided to donate on the couch for some days - I needed to keep looking at them while they were still mine. And like you, I wanted to be very sure that I was not donating something I would regret giving away. There is no specific time to begin, I think you just feel it. I am so sorry for your loss.

Thank you, a friend suggested that when I am ready that I take his clothing, ect . To an area outside where I live. It seems like a good idea because it would kill me if I saw someone wearing something that belonged to him. I have taken off my super woman cape and committed to just getting two things accomplished a day.

Oh! Im so sorry for your loss.
I agree with everything that's been said here. My husband passed 2 years ago of AMl Leukemia. I had to move almost 1 month later to another house. I really didn't have the luxury to keep all of my husbands stuff....however,
I kept his most treasured things ....one being a pair of his favourite running shoes ( which I keep on his side of the bed) and another his favourite red hoodie, I tend to wear that, when I need to feel his comfort. ( that feels like his big bear hug). I'm just glad I kept those things. Hoping my 2 cents helps.
Thinking of you and sending you gentle hugs......Sandra

Thank you, Sandra.

What to keep, what to take, what what what are the first things after the initial stages of loss, YOU already knew in packing what was going with his knowledge right? The rest you may have to take whatever time you need. When I first donate his clothes (some personal stuff went to kids) that I knew others would benefit from while sad I knew it was a good thing. I still have his cap, 1 special coat, a some other special items....I think you kinda know when the time is to do what at what pace...just listen to yourself. HUGS

I am sorry for the loss that brought you here, and I hope being here helps you. I wouldn't give ANYTHING away at this point. It's too soon. People will come out of the woodwork to try and get stuff from you, too, so I will give one very clear bit of advice: what was his is now YOURS. If it wasn't left to someone else in his will, it's yours. You are not obligated in any way to give anyone anything until you are ready. If anyone pressures you, tell them you will begin that process in 6 months, and not before. You will be amazed how many people will think you don't need any of his things, when in fact you will. You need to wait. They need to wait. You need time. Are you seeing anyone for grief counseling? I did, and got it for my sons as well, and counseling really helped us. Your local hospice can help connect you with a group or a counselor. This site was my group, and I got individual counseling through an Employee Assistance Program at work. My therapy was free. Just a thought.
I'm sorry you need to be here, but wanted to say 'welcome.'
Love and Hugs,
Martha

Thank you Martha, I will start counseling tomorrow. Since it pains me so much to see all of his clothing in our closet I am slowly putting pieces into bins and placing them in a stoa the room out of sight. That way I can decide what I want to do with them when I am ready. Hell, I may pack it all up and decide an hour later to put everything back where it was . I don't owe anyone and explanation of my actions. It was our marriage, our journey and only I will know what I can handle and when. Thanks again for your advice and words of support.

I know what you are going through. I lost my husband suddenly 2 months ago, he was 55 and we were about to celebrate 35 years of marriage. I am now also in the process of moving. I was just able to go through his clothes hanging in the closet this past week. It was excruciating, and I sobbed through the process. I kept several things that are dear to me and packed them in one of my moving boxes. It is one day at a time, and each day is hard but you get through it. I am reading a good devotional called "Grief Bites" on YouVersion that is putting so many things into perspective for me as I go through this. Thinking of you.

Firstly I would like to say how very sorry I am for your loss. After having lost my husband almost 11 months ago it breaks my heart every time someone else has to experience this very devastating loss. Reading all of the replies made me realize how very wonderful and brave we all are to be able to forge ahead and actually try to lift one another with our experience and support. Don't let anyone tell you how to handle this. I've still not given away very many of my husband's things and have no idea when I will but think about it regularly. We don't need to do it until we are ready or it is absolutely necessary. I wish you support and peace on your journey, find people who will offer that to you. How lucky we were to have the amazing soul mates in our lives that we did. God Bless