In similar situations right after Nick died I simply told them I really appreciated their love and caring but I just wasn't ready to celebrate anything yet. They understood... the best they could.

IF there is anything they can do for you that would help you ( a close family get together for a movie, just visiting over a cup of coffee, or just holding your hand or giving you a hug while you cry) you might let them know that would be a gift this year.

Many good wishes to you for strength & peace of mind.

They are wanting to be with you at this difficult time in your life. So, you won't be alone. Bless their hearts. Let them, bring a cake, or go out to eat. It won't make you feel any better, but it will them. I spent my birthday completely alone. It was terrible thinking no one cared.
Sandee

My birthday is in the same month as my husband and younger daughter. We used to have a communal birthday dinner with his father and brother whose birthdays are also in the same month. Last year my daughter made sure she sent me edible arrangement at work and had dinner with her family. I was never a birthday person but I couldn't turn her down because of her kind intention. I shared the fruits with my office friends and a customer who knew him. In her mind, we were also celebrating her dad's life and this is the way to take care of mom.

my husband and my birthday was last month. For his birthday, my daughter wanted to go to the movies with me. I really wanted it to be him and me going to the movies. But she insisted and we went to see Last Vegas. We laughed through the whole movie. I had to remind myself that she loved her Stepfather very, very much and she wanted to share. Your family loves you and your spouse and they realize if he were here, he would be taking you out. They can't possibly fill the void, they just want to be there for you. I pray that you will have a birthday that would please your spouse.

Thank you all very much for your input... You all have very valid reasons why it will help them and yes I completely agree it would be worse if no one even remembered it. God bless all of you for your help and support. May you all have the best day you are able to have!
Best wishes and hugs,
Mary

Yes Mary when I had my birthday all I wanted to do was curl up and mope, but the kids wanted to do something for me so I let them and it turned out okay. They gave me some peanut M & M's my favorite, so it wasn;t too terrible. Best to you.
Jeff

Perhaps let them know that the gift you would like is a "raincheck". It is still so early for you, and your pain is so raw. But in a month or so, you may be wanting to get out, and it might be nice to be pampered on that occasion.

Your family loves you. And it is clear they want to do something special for you, under the circumstances. All they want is for you to be happy. And if you tell them it is just a little too soon, I bet they would understand.

My birthday was last month and I really did not want to celebrate. However my two grandchildren had other ideas. We went out for lunch and they each gave me a present. I kind of knew that something was happening when my oldest grandson asked me to take him and his brother to the mall. I received 3 gifts -red licirious (favorite candy), an angle that says "you are loved", and a framed picture or my husband.
I realized that they wanted to help me make a new normal for my birthday and that they needed this birthday as much as I did. The gifts they picked out would have been very similar to what my husband would have given me. The day turned out okay.
Let your family do something for you. If you do not want a gift ask them to make a donate to you favorite charity. If you do not want to go out dinner have them make your favorite meal, or run a hot bath for you with candles.

Wow, these are great ideas and you have all given me wonderful options. Thank you all so very much for taking time out to share with me your wonderful opinions. God bless...
Best wishes and hugs,
Mary

Mary,
You have received some excellent advice. We are all different and have to handle ourselves in our best interest. Right now, you are still in the very beginnings of your grief journey. Do what feels right for you, your family will understand.

May I share with you some of my experiences in this matter? It is better to be with someone on your special days. You may not feel like celebrating, but, when with someone else, you will feel better ~~ maybe "just a pinch" better, but every little bit helps.

This comes from trying both ways; and being with my kids, grandkids, or a friend, has always made me feel better than sitting at home ~~ alone!

My husband died ON my birthday!! That devastating day came at a party for my birthday and Christmas combined at one of my best friends' home, Dec. 21st. Joe died of sudden cardiac arrest. Completely unexpected for us.

We had visitation on Dec. 22nd and the funeral / buriel on Dec. 23rd. Joe had always told us when he died to bury him asap. That was as quickly as we could do it!! Of course, I refused to have his funeral on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day ~~ anyway!.

Plans were already in motion for my family to be at our house on Dec. 24th, and his family on the 25th. With all of us at a complete loss as to how to live w/o Joe, I insisted that we continue with the plans we had. Being in complete shock and grief stricken, none of us knew what to do with ourselves anyway! I knew that Joe would have wanted me to "carry on" as though he was here. I remember only bits of those days.......but, we were all together and that was of some comfort. Of course, none of us could actually 'wrap our heads' and hearts around the fact that Joe was truly gone!!

After that year, I have planned either a trip with my kids and grands, or some of them, for my birthday every year. This year Christmas is planned ~~ on my birthday ~~ with both sides of the family~~ his and mine. I've not been alone on my birthday since that fateful day, and, hopefully, won't be.

I also plan something for our anniversary and his birhtday. The one year that I spent by myself on our anniversary ~~ I stayed in bed all day and cried. NOT AGAIN!! Plans have kept me a little bit more sane.

Hope your day will be better than you expect.
Hugs, Joely

Thank you Darlene, Sandee, Silverfox, Praised, Jeff, Athankfulone, miller and Joely... You have been very helpful and I will make a point of scheduling a get together with the family. God Bless....
Best wishes and Hugs
Mary

Happy birthday, Mary, be it a little early. I can't disagree with the responses you've received in any way. My husband died in June and the Thanksgiving and Christmas holiday were months ahead. I felt like avoiding them, but for my children and grandchildren I couldn't. I took my own car and came home earlier than normal, but just accomplishing that small feat was worth it. Sharon

This Christmas will be difficult since my husband died July 26th. I am also having in-law issues, which will be the first time I will see my SIL face to face since these issues came up. First I thought I wanted to get away by myself, but I decided seeing my kids and grandson was more important. I can handle one day with my SIL. Hope you are well....patricia