I know how you feel. It has been almost 12 years for me and I just started getting out with singles my age again. Not to find a new husband but to form new friendships. Friends are family you choose, and for me that has taken on a whole new meaning since I have become an empty nester and my kids don’t want to have anything to do with me for the most part. I m very fortunate to live with some very good friends, but that time is coming to an end soon. I worry about being all alone with no one. So I decided it’s very important to me to start pushing myself to make new friends. I must admit though a couple of events helped give me a push in the right direction.
1) recently I attempted to buy a house and found out I needed to consolidate my 401k as collateral for the last three months payments. But also found out since my husband served in peace time I cannot use his DD214 to buy a house.
2). I found out the money his company set aside that he earned after death wasn’t what I was lead to believe. So my deceased husband is no use to me, no protection for me, and basically my life is what I make of it. Pretty fucking scary! There has been a death in my family every 13 months since 2004, and I have no one other than my siblings to help me and they have pretty much said I am S.O.L. Unless I move back home away from my children, friends, and church.
Oh did I tell you I lost my job also. Which means no new home unless I find a damn good job. So I have many motivators to get back out there and reengage with people just to survive and I am a survivor. Most widows are survivors. Just give yourself time. It's not as scary as you think, and that is one thing that widows’ really have to learn to control is their negative presumptuous thoughts that project onto others what they believe the other person is thinking when in reality they do not know unless they ask. If you fear hearing bad news then ask yourself what the worst thing is that could happen by learning the truth instead of assuming. Have courage. The more you face your fears the less overwhelmed you will be and the less stressed out and depressed you will be. You will become a stronger more resilient person. Keep your head up. The first few groups I tried weren't a good fit, but as you get out there more and more you will find what you like and do not like. What works for you and what doesn't. If you go into it with the mindset that you want to be a good friend and nothing more then everything will work out just as it should. God bless you and happy new year.

Thank you for the support chickenlil. Hugs to you and hoping the new year brings good things to us all. Hoping the best for you on the house, job, and finances.

I can certainly understand what you are going through because even though I lost my husband since Mar/10/2008, I still have trouble with the whole couples thing and feel quite awkward when couples have pda in front of me.
I don't know you as yet, but I would say that I still feel like a depressed widow sometimes, even after almost 11 years of my husband's passing. Imo this is natural and expected. I am always a click away if you want to message or email me. Take care. Hugs.

Thank you Trinilisa, I’m sorry for your loss. My first husband died march 20,2008 and my second husband Terry just passed Oct 18,2018. I was married to the first one 13 years and married to Terry 6 years. It’s all still so difficult. I’m going to make it, not questioning that, just don’t want it to be without either one of them. My life is completely different and very lonely now. Hugs to you my friend.

I totally get that. I've been a widow for 13 years and it's just in this past year that I finally felt comfortable in my own skin again. I felt like I lost all my friends along with my husband---mostly because they didn't seem to know what to do with me. Recently, a friend invited me to a dinner party and then stopped and said, "Would you be offended? I mean, it's all couples." My answer was: "Where have you guys been?!!!" If those other couples had all been flirting with their spouses, that WOULD have been awkward for me, but it was a fun dinner with lots of laughs and memories. I know you're feeling like there's no comfortable place for you right now and that's a legit feeling. But you will move out of that place eventually. It MIGHT start by adding a few new friends to your company. Get to know people who aren't partying and aren't a couple and just need a friend. It helps.