Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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baileyolson 03/24/2016

I'm at 7 1/2 months out and usually feel I am slowly moving forward. I still feel hollow and life will never be the same, but I'm doing more and getting out of my house more.

That said, I'm taking an overnight trip out of town tomorrow. I haven't seen these dear friend since the funeral and want to spend a day with them. One of the couples is now in assisted living so a hotel is in the plans. I can't face this trip alone so my 10 year old grandson is accompanying me. My emotions are all over the place. And, I can't pack. I have been trying to start organizing, packing clotyes, toiletries, my meds, snacks and activities for Mac. I just can't find a way to start. Maybe the conflicted feelings are a roadblock. Any trip I am ready several days before I leave. Why is this so difficult? I'm only going to be gone overnight. It shouldn't be such a huge effort. Do any of you have tips, words of wisdom or encouragement? You all are my support and cheering section. I know my family and friends would think I'm being silly and I should just "git er done." ~Bailey ~

Norske1 03/24/2016

I found all the "firsts" to be hard. Is this the first trip you are making without your husband? I am glad you are taking your grandson along. Once you get there, you will have a good time.

baileyolson 03/24/2016

Last April i had to make a 1300 mile trip south to retrieve our camper trailer. Had thought i would take 2-3 friends and make it a fun trip. My Big Swede was in a nursing home regaining his strength, but we knew our camping days were over. The place it was stored was closing so . . And no one could go with me. Argh! So I loaded up my furry child. And our dog and I made the trip alone. We were gone a week but I was coming home to the live of my life.

This is a first visit to these friends alone. A tough test of resolve, faith and courage. I know it will be worth it but. . . ~ Bailey ~

deremusl 03/24/2016

Oh, Bailey, the first trip I went on it took me days to pack and get ready. I was going with my kids and grandkids, but it was the first time I'd ever packed just for myself for a family trip. I got it done, but when we got to the hotel and I walked into "our" room alone, I had a giant meltdown. I hope your trip goes well. Mine was just too soon. It had only been a month. I think you'll be fine, but follow your heart. You might need to wait awhile and take the trip later.
Hugs,
Linda

AfterMom 03/24/2016

add on to other issues, widow's Fog. grief can knock down our level of functioning, just when we need to be our most organized selves.
venturing further beyond your comfort zone may heighten that.

carrie415 03/24/2016

It is not just packing for yourself,,,it is all that you have to do prior to your trip,,,is the car ok to drive? did I shut all the light off? Will the house be ok?? Don't forget, there was another person taking care or double checking everything,,,Now,,,everything and I mean every little thought is on us,,that is why it is so difficult,,,I also took a trip a few months after my husband died,,I wonder if it was worth it as I had so many loose ends to tie up prior to my trip that I was exhausted.

raininseattle 03/24/2016

Hey Bailey you can do it!! Last week I did a round trip 300 miles away. Will be on another one tomorrow. Just remember if you missed anything there is a Walmart (or whatever big box store) nearby. Please make sure you know the numbers to call if you got stuck, check your weather, and take your time. I always carry a picture of my partner in my wallet so I feel she is with me.

If you feel stuck, you can pull out a piece of paper, and divide into two columns. First write what you worry about on the left column, and then you can answer these worries on the right side.

If you need a checklist, you can go to this website:
http://www.travelschecklist.com/

Rainbow27 03/25/2016

I still have a mental block on driving long distances by myself, though I have no trouble on getting on a plane to travel. Your grandson will be great company for your overnight adventure. I have no family nearby so not an option for me. We will all support you on this outting. Stop along the way and don't get overtired driving. Have fun visiting your dear friend.

ptorres 03/25/2016

Bailey 6 months after Amy died I took a motorcycle trip from Denver to San Diego with a brother of mine. It was a bitter sweet trip. I spread some of her ashes at beautiful spots at The Grand Canyon and at some cliffs on a beach in San Diego. It was at times cathartic and there were plenty of tears, screams in the middle of the desert where no one could hear me, and laughter in her honor. I almost did not go but at the insistence of family and friends I drew the courage somehow to face my fears and anxiety and took that 9 day trip and am now so happy I did. Good luck to you in your future endeavors. ~Pete

Shrn 03/25/2016

My daughter and I go away every summer. The year my husband died I couldn't wait to go until a few days before. Packing was a nightmare. I was panicked. I felt I couldn't do it. Somewhere in my head I felt "what's wrong with you? " I had wanted to go, but I couldn't - I know only here you understand that.

Well, we did go and it was good, although I had moments of sadness. I made my first accomplishment through the pain. Deep breath and just pack the things you need and go. Sharon

cliffskat 03/25/2016

I hope you have a safe journey and a good time there. My only advice is make a packing list, it will help you feel like you are more in control. Rainin is right, too, that if you forget something (other than things like medications) you can get it locally if pressed. Go easy on yourself, give yourself extra wiggle room on your schedule/itinerary, in case you need a break or some breathing space.

I hope it goes well and that you and your grandson make some new wonderful memories together.

Love and Big Hugs,
Martha

lifeisunreal 03/25/2016

Hi Bailey -

I am also at 7 1/2 months.

I am preparing for my first trip without my wife to take place in
May. It is a business trip and I really don't have a choice. She
would normally be with me and I am already dreading it. It
means pasting a fake smile on my face for four days during a
business conference but I have no other options. I have to
get through it somehow.

I am finding the " first " everything almost unbearable. This
Sunday will be my first Easter without my wife in 28 years
and I know how horrible it was for Thanksgiving, Christmas
and New Year's Eve. The only thing that got me through
those three days was faith and a lot of prayer and I guess
that will be my Sunday.

Blessings to all -

Darrell

baileyolson 03/25/2016

Thank you all for your comments, tips and encouragement. We made the trip today and have spent the afternoon with our dear friends. We all went out to dinner and have had a wonderful time. My Big Swede is missed by all of us but so far it has been a joyous reunion and I know that is what he would want. {{{ Hugs }}} ~ Bailey ~

AfterMom 03/26/2016

I'm SO happy for you Bailey. you overcame and won a prize for your efforts. the joy of old friendships.
xO
Barbara.

eighty8 03/26/2016

Bailey...last November I spent two weeks in Oklahoma with my daughter and her crew, 1300 miles from NE Ohio..it was the first time I was out there that Marylou was not, and that was kind of a bite at first...but.I wouldn't have missed it for anything...when my daughter asked me to fix a few minor items around the house for her, my 9-year-old granddaughter got with grandpa, rolled up her sleeves, and became my lady engineer...and I can't wait to get back out there for more of it!
You will create a special memory with your grandson that can never be taken away! Safe travels to you, and God Keep.

cgriff4ever 03/26/2016

My first trip alone after sean passed, was scarey, but come to find out, it was fun, and I was glad I went. There are wonderful things that await, while we wait for our time to leave this earth.. I know leaving famliarity can cause sadness too, bring something that you can hold onto when you sleep, or keep in your pocket, sometimes it helps me. I hope your trip is a good one, be gentle yourself. Much love and hugs carla

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