Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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When will I start having a life again?

carolk1955
carolk1955

I lost my husband in June 2017, after 25 years of marriage. My social worker thought it would be a good idea if I moved into a personal care home. I did, and it didn't take long for me to wish I hadn't. I lost my apartment, all my possessions, and my car--in other words, all of my independence. I have no other family. This area is not my hometown--my husband and I moved here when we got married in 1992. I really miss my hometown but I doubt if I'll ever be able to move back--I can't afford it; it's 200 miles away. Meantime I'm lonely and depressed all of the time. I started therapy but I think it will take awhile for me to work through all of my losses and somehow start over. I also lost my cat in 2017--first time since 1979 that I was without a cat to keep me company and give me unconditional love. I can't have a cat in the personal care home. Coming up is May 1, my wedding anniversary. That was the happiest day of my life and what I wouldn't give to live it over again. 

Veronica77
Veronica77
I am so sorry. I lost my cat 3 months before my partner of over 20 years died of a sudden heart attack. I understand the loneliness. I haven't had the heart to get a new cat. I am living in my hometown in an apartment but everyday it is one foot ahead of the other. I hope memories of your husband will comfort you as your anniversary approaches. (((Gentle hugs)))
shelda
shelda
When? After we have learned how to cope with the loss i have heard. For me it is like waves...I lost my main friend last year her name was Anna and she was 8 years old it was her liver. She was a great pyrenee. Wonderful dogs...and since she has been gone i have had noone but have learned how to survive on my own. Everyday... it is only yourself you can rely on . I know that's hard to do as i used to rely on my husband for what he would say and do,but as i said we only have ourselves now. And our friends we make on sites like this. ( Hugs)
Lovedbutlost
Lovedbutlost
It sounds like you have suffered so much loss. It would seem to me that with so much loss that there would need to be time and something to not replace the person, but maybe put something into the time. Now, I am new to this, my husband that I love so dearly only just passed. I just keep thinking that if I keep busy enough that the crying and feeling of loss will calm enough that I can function. My heart goes out to you. Take Care
carolk1955
carolk1955
Memorial Day is coming up and that makes me think of my husband, who was a Vietnam veteran. He died on June 30, 2017--that anniversary is coming up also. I miss the things we used to do on holiday weekends, like go to the beach. Every night on the news they show people on the beach and I am really jealous and wondering if I'll ever be able to do that again. The nearest beach is New Jersey which is several hundred miles away. I'm stuck here in a personal care home, feeling very lonely with no companionship. The only option seems to be to get my own apt, where I'll still be lonely but at least I'll have control over my life, like I can have a cat again. I have not been away from this town in years, to go on a vacation or even a day away. After almost 3 years here, I wonder if I'll ever have a life again. I miss my possessions and my car, especially my car. I hate to have to track down people to give me rides to dr appts. I hate having to be dependent on anyone for my basic needs. You are right, Lovedbutlost, I need something to occupy my time, to give my life meaning and purpose, which it lacks, but I have no idea what that might be. I just know I feel very empty inside.