From everything that I've read or heard in discussions, this is a personal decision and there are no set rules. It will soon be a year since my husband passed away and in my mind, I'm still married. At some point, it would be nice to meet someone...but it is not anything I'm thinking of now. Do whatever works for you and brings you happiness!

That is a great question. I hope others comment as I have been wondering this myself. My daughter said to me yesterday that she can not see me being alone the rest of my life. I have no desire right now to even meet anyone but who knows what the future will bring. Thanks for bringing this up! Good for you!

My answer would be "when a person feels ready and has met someone they might be interested in". Everyone feels differently.

The right amount of time is when a person feels in her/his heart that it is the right time to date for the right reasons.
To know that dating would mean being strong enough to deal with the dating consequences should things do or don`t work out.
To know that one has the tools to date in a secure way and not make herself/himself vulnerable to predators.
The right time to date is when you are doing so because you are ready to move on and looking forward to someone new in your life and not because you are lonely and trying to fill a void.
The right time to date is when you can be honest with yourself and want someone to enhance your life, not rescue you.

That`s my opinion anyway. Being honest with myself at 14 months (exactly 14 months today) I realize that I will cross that bridge when it comes and that I am way too busy figuring out still who I am and what I truly want out of life to even consider dating but I am realist enough to know that I should not say never as I don`t know what life may bring my way.

I was married over 38 years and was nearly 58 years old when Tim died from lung cancer. We were totally devoted to each other. After Tim died the loneliness was so overpowering for me. I started seeing others around 6 weeks after. If anyone in my family thought that was wrong they kept it to themselves. I guess I really went crazy and didn't begin to recover until after the first year. 14 months after Tim died was when I met a man who had recently lost his last living relative to cancer also. We married the week after I turned 60. So I would suggest that it's a cross between when you are ready and who you meet. Take care.
Dianne

When your ready, but casual outings are a good start.

The long-standing custom in western culture was that you waited a year. Some will still hold to that, others not.

In my opinion, it depends on whether or not you are ready to appreciate another person without comparing them to a checklist of your late spouse's characteristics. If you are just looking for another version of your hubby/wife, you are going to set yourself up for unhappy relationships. And, of course, the other side of that is that you don't really have a lot ot offer someone else in a new relationship. Let's be honest - who would want to have to compete with our spouses? Especially if the bereaved person is still seeing their late spouse/partner up on a pedestal of having done no wrong ever. If all you are prepared to do is compare, or take from a new relationship rather than give in equal measure, then maybe you need to wait.

It's like everything else, really, there is no set number of days/months/years for when it is time. Acuriousfish and I waited a year, but I knew long before the year was up that I was in love with him. We were friends first. We grieved together. We became friends and penpals. We got to know each other first. We both were bereaved in 2007, we became acquainted here on DS in 2008, we finally met face-to-face the first time in 2009, and we married in 2010.

I found a good article on the AARP site which is an interesting read on this topic. You might find it helpful:

http://www.aarp.org/relationships/love-sex/info-04-2011/ready-to-date-again.1.html

If a widow/widower has kids, there is another whole question there. Regardless of the age of the kids!

Maybe try to expand your social circle first and see how that goes. Make some new friends, get comfortable being out and about. Get back to being comfortable in your own skin if possible. My experience has been that love has a way of finding you when you least expect it.

Just my two cents. I hope this helps.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

I agree with everyone who has responded to your question. The time frame is different for each of us. It's a matter of the person left behind and their experiences through life. Some are ready to push past yesterday's sorrow and begin their life again while others need time to digest the reality of the loss and figure out how to move forward. The old adage of a set time frame just doesn't work in today's world.

Personally I was so lost as far as my identity not related to my role in life it was vitally important to identify who I was. My marriage was very happy and complete, but I am a different person now. My commitment to my marriage and profession has changed to a commitment to who I am. I am now remarried, but it does not refine who I am. It enhances it. Sharon

I remember saying to people just a few months after Mark died that I want to fall in love again. At 11 months, I am just now starting to consider dating. First I have to figure out how to go about meeting single men my age!

I also have a friend who remarried within 12 months of her husband's death-with the blessings of her children.

So, I agree with the other comments so far. It's a matter of individual choice. And if anyone judges you, pffffffffffttttttttttttttt!

Mary

I did one of those self motivated surveys on this very subject. I have found that older people (those over 50) tend to find companionship sooner than younger people. I thought it would be the other way around. Those of us that are younger are consumed with kids and careers and have little thought to consider that move forward. Whatever you decide to do, just stay away from the on-line dating sites.

Maggie

My friends thought I should have started thinking about it months ago. I'm just over 13 months and beginning to feel like I would like someone in my life.
I think it's a personal decision. Some are ready before others, some are never ready.

Diane

352 days, 6 hours, 33 minutes, and 5 seconds....or was that 4 seconds. No seriously...each person has their own timeline and own life to live and not one of us can best decide for another of us. I used to care what others thought about this and really when we are ready...or think we are ready to start to see someone, it is really no one else's business. But we are so fragile early on that we walk on egg shells and "everything matters...in fact....a LOT!" Like when we first get our license...we are conscious of each and every minute detail.

Now that I am five years down the road, I look back and see so many that dated early on...months...others after a year...others like me after a year and a half...others after a couple or three, or five, or not at all and were perfectly fine with that.
Soooooooooooo, the real answer is whatever feels right to you at any moment, and just so you know the moment will change and you will feel differently another moment and go back and forth again and again...

love n hugs...
-Diana

I think you will know when its right for you. I just passed a year and Im considering it. But first I have joined groups to make friends. Its a lot more relaxing doing things with a group with little of the pressures. I plan to take it slow and figure out who I am. Having gone through a divorce in the 70's Ive had to do this once before. I didnt remarry for 7 years.
Russ

That is such a hard question. I too, do not want to spend the rest of my life alone. When will I be ready to sustain an ongoing relationship? As of now, the house I live in was our house. I dont think I will be ready for someone else to be around, until it feels like my house. Does that make any sense at all?
Good luck to you.

Loosing a spouse is a life changing event. Whether your marriage was far from a good one, and even troublesome, still it is a big change. It is easy to recognize that situation, where a a griever wants to forget and move on quickly; they never even talk about the deceased....

Give yourself time to complete your journey, find your new independent identity, stabilize your life, especially life of your dependent children.
When you are healed, allow yourself to dream about beauty and love again.
Dating or Remarriage does not equal forgetting -- let no one tell you otherwise. Loving again does not imply lack of or the end of love for the past.
You are not destined to remain in mourning forever, but you must honor your past first. .... Embrace and carry forward the legacies that were entrusted to you by your late beloved.
If you choose it, living your new life can include companionship... and love. Choose carefully, choose wisely -- and love again abundantly.