You may be able to sue him for a share of the project in LA if it was built. You may also be able to have him arrested for fraud and elder abuse. It kind of depends on where you are how the courts will look at it. If you are in California, your son could either go to jail or have to pay a money judgment. I found this on a lawyer's website in the San Francisco area:

"Definition of Elder Financial Abuse Under California Law

California Welfare and Institutions Code section 15600 protects elders (anyone 65 year of age or older) and dependent adults from many types of physical abuse and neglect. “Financial abuse” of an elder or dependent adult occurs when a person or entity does any of the following:

(1) Takes, secretes, appropriates, obtains, or retains real or personal property of an elder or dependent adult for a wrongful use or with intent to defraud, or both.

(2) Assists in taking, secreting, appropriating, obtaining, or retaining real or personal property of an elder or dependent adult for a wrongful use or with intent to defraud, or both.

(3) Takes, secretes, appropriates, obtains, or retains, or assists in taking, secreting, appropriating, obtaining, or retaining, real or personal property of an elder or dependent adult by undue influence.

Plus, it must be shown that the person or entity alleged to have committed financial elder abuse knew or should have known that the conduct at issue was likely to have been harmful to the elder or dependent adult.

The taking of the property of an elder is not restricted to physically removing property from the elder’s possession. The law defines taking to include depriving an elder or dependent adult “of any property right, including by means of an agreement, donative transfer, or testamentary bequest, regardless of whether the property is held directly or by a representative of an elder or dependent adult.”

Real property refers to land or structure built on land such as a house. Real property is also referred to as real estate. Personal property is all property other than real estate, such as money, stocks, jewels, etc."

The State of California has issued an info booklet about what to do - it's a doccument in "pdf" format which you can find here:

http://ag.ca.gov/bmfea/pdfs/citizens_guide.pdf

If I were in your shoes, I would also talk to my lawyer and make sure my own Will was up-to-date and excluded him. If not, then when you pass, he will try to screw your daughter over, too. Just my two cents on that....

I am sorry you are in this situation, and I hope you get some help to get it resolved. It is theft, and you don't deserve that.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

I think your friends are right. If your daughter would confront him a second time to warn him that you are contacting a lawyer, maybe it will get him to start to make payments but definitely talk to a lawyer. ((Hugs))

You have a very difficult decision to make, but if it affects your financial situation and your future, you must do something. Suing your son would no doubt be a painful experience, and if you didn't have a contract he may try to say it was an investment or a gift. I have the same problem with my daughter. I love her and need her during this grief process, but she has caused me a lot of pain with money issues.

I'm in your corner. I wish I could help you. I hope you can get this settled. We don't need any extra pain in our lives.

Warm hugs,
Linda

Roz, after reading my above post to you, I realized I may have made you feel worse. I have no idea if your son could claim the money was an investment or a gift to him. That's just something I see on the TV judge shows! I do, though, know how bad it hurts for our children to take advantage of us at such a vulnerable time. My daughter and her husband are both educated have a good income, but she has never been able to handle money.

She is the mother of my two precious granddaughters, and I couldn't stand it if I turned both her and my granddaughters against me by suing her. She is a good person at heart, but she is like an addict when it comes to spending. She was seeing a therapist and plans to go back, but we'll see...

I have an online widow friend who has been going through this with 3 sons, so I know we are not alone. But that doesn't really help, does it?

I was here on DS when you first posted about your son and the money several years ago. At that time you used the term "relative" instead of son. You said then you could NEVER sue him. Perhaps you've gained enough strength during these years to have changed your mind. Maybe as Veronica77 suggested, the threat of a lawsuit would at least persuade him to make payments. Chances are he doesn't have the entire amount.

I hope with all my heart you can get something worked out. Having this kind of stress is a heavy weight to carry all alone.

Sorry for your situation Rozzie but it is time to go see a lawyer and see what can be done about this,this is for your own good,do not worry about hurting him and him not talking to you. No son or daughter should EVER do this to their parents,if you don’t act on this you’ll never get it back. Keep us informed in what the lawyer saids. Take Care

This may sound far-fetched but you could sue him on Judge Judy. My husband sued my daughter and her boyfriend when they borrowed $8000 and never paid a penny back. He won and at least got $5000 back. Plus you get a free trip to California.

It all comes down with what you can live with. Can you cut your son out of your life? As this may be what happens with legal actions. My son borrowed money and then was irresponsible and did not pay back...I could certainly use that money to pay my own debt... It came down to a very serious conversation . I told him that I love him but that I do not love him taking advantage . I also told him that I do not want him out of my life but financial help is out of the questions . I told him that his behaviour has created not only emotional but also financial stress on me. I do not expect to get that money back, I had to make the choice to learn from my mistake. I did tell him that when all was said and done, when the time came he should expect the loan to be deducted from any money leftover in the will . He knows that a trust was broken and he has work towards rebuilding that in our relationship while I have work to accept that he does not have the money as he is over extended because of bad decisions that were made while he was grieving himself.
I also think that his sister should not be involved. You lend him the money not her and it should not be her affairs has it creates a rift between her and her brother. I almost had to sell my house because of this so I know the stress it involves but going the legal route may simply had more stress and financial lost in the end.
I would make sure to change it in the will if there is anything, I would consider that to be taking out of his share plus extra for interest.

Thank you ALL so much for the advice. I am taking it all in and very seriously considering filing a law suit.

The amount is 10 times what is legally allowed in small claims which would be taking it to Judge Judy or the like. He would NEVER want this to be televised.....isn't that just too bad! But, unfortunately, even if I were to settle for a smaller amount the guilty party has to be willing to come forward and admit their wrong doing......I am considering him too much of a coward and person of poor character to admit that he has done me wrong.

I also do not like involving my eldest daughter, she's been so supportive and helpful. And, although his actions have strained his relationship with his sisters and nieces and nephews I will NOT allow his poor behavior to be the reason that my relationship with the rest of my family be strained!

I have changed my will and he will get NOTHING. He has gotten enough!

Again, thank you for your input and allowing me to share with you.

Linda, you are so right. I have written about this before and as you can see, it still owns my emotions to some extent. No matter how it is settled, if at all, he did a terrible thing and he has to live with it!