Dearest Jon. Please don't freak out when I say that the pain stays. It just gets less intensely overwhelming. The pain softens around the edges. But it only does that when you have lived and survived exactly those kind of moments that you describe. Don't try to avoid it because you're just saving it for later. It will come back with a vengeance. Wishing you peace. Xx

Hi Jon, First I want to say how sorry I am that you find yourself here. This is the club no one wants to join. Jon, no one can tell you how your going to feel or for how long. We each grieve in our own way at our own pace. As you read the posts here you will find similarities between yourself and others and then there will be posts that seem very alien. It is just the differences in who we are but we do share one thing in common, the loss of someone very dear to us. I encourage you to come here and often. I am a member for 3 years now and I found this site to be a blessing to me. There are many here with such a sincere desire to help each other through the worst nightmare we can imagine. The best advice I can offer for you at this early stage is to try to sleep. Get as much rest as you can. Make sure you get proper nutrition and drink plenty of water. Seems really basic but it is common to neglect our basic needs in the early part of grief. Take care of you. I pray you find some peace today. ~~~ Cheryl

Hey Jon,
These ladies are right. I am at nine months almost ten since I lost Linda. What your describing I still deal with daily. If I get to sleep and get woke up I never really get back to sleep.The difference now is I know it's coming. Doesn't make it easier but the shock is lessened.

The biggest difference I'm noticing now is the initial pain of her going is now turned to trying to accept a future without her. So now basically not looking backward but forward and trying to find a way to learn how I can possibly live without her.
I've never been a joiner and I certainly don't want to be a member of this type of club. Worse pain I have ever felt.
But we have no choice. We can't change it.

If your a man of faith hang on to it. Lean on it and stay in it. Prayer is the only relief I can find in the middle of all this. There is a Widow/Widowers of faith board if you are of faith.
And then come here and participate in the discussion. It really helps.
At least you will know your not alone in this trauma.
But most of all do what you need to take care of you. You have to take time and let yourself go thru what you need to.

Take care.
Peace, Tim

Dear Jon,
I also have this question. June 4th will be 2 months for me and although I have had a few good days my bad days are no better than they were in the beginning. I too have sleepless nights and I also forget to eat and take care of myself. I do believe everyone when they tell me it will get better with time I'm just sick of hearing it. And I want that time to be here already.

Jon - This is a terrible trauma we are all going through. My husband has been gone for eight months and at times the pain is unbearable. At other times I feel like I am doing better, then something triggers the horrible pain and haunting memory of his death. Each of us just has to get through it the best we can. Some days will be better than others. We always went camping on Memorial Day weekend with two other couples. One of them posted a picture on Facebook today of them camping and I felt like I had been punched in the gut. Nothing will ever be the same again. Sorry for not being more encouraging. You caught me on a bad day. God bless you.
Ruth

I'm sorry to say it will be 3 years in August, wow seems like yesterday, and it hasn't gotten easier.
"It doesn't get easier, you just get used to to hard it is".
Stay strong and take care of yourself.
Hugs, Sandi

Jon...I am so sorry for your loss....I feel your pain. I agree with the general consensus that the pain doesn't ease. I think the only thing that changes is you eventually begin to realize that the person you loved and lost who loved you in turn would want you to live still...to be able to eventually smile again...to not feel guilty for still having life while they have passed.
I hope you find these things out for yourself as time goes by Jon...and I will pray for you.

Jon: It will be 10 weeks for me on June 3rd....the pain is always there..but there are days where if I keep myself busy and go about with the life I have now, I'm able to function (eat, sleep, and even laugh). Yet, there are days when something happens, a thought, a picture, or finding a paper with his writing on it that will send me into an anxiety episode where I can't eat or sleep and start questioning everything and everyone. I then take a moment to try and calm down. I will usually read something about the afterlife to help me understand that I will see and be with him again, and I also ask God to help me through this. Believing there is something more than this world (life) really does help me or else I would never get out of bed.

Always Sue

Jon, My husband was always an optimist and used to say when I go I don't want you or the kids to sit around and boo-hoo over me. Just remember the good times we had. Which we do. He was a police officer for 24 years. He saw lots of terrible things in his life but always remained/ and believed that people were good. It's been almost a year. A year I never thought I'd make it through. The loss is and always will be there but some how we find a way to Live. Grieve comes and goes in waves. Some times we surprise ourselves how strong we are. He was kind of a skeptic about an afterlife, but I've had so many signs he is around. I have no doubt I'll I see him again.
I'm so sorry about the loss of your beautiful Maria.
Happy Trails and much Love and Peace.......Gail

Remember Yesterday, Dream of Tomorrow, but Live for Today. for that is all we really have.

When just depends. Unfortunately there are no time limits, no magic dates. The loss becomes bearable when you synthesize it, when you come to accept it, and when you decide to start rebuild yourself. For me it took about two years. The loss is always there but it is not all consuming like it is in the early days. Give yourself time, and let yourself feel. As terrible as the feelings are, it hurts worse to try to stuff them down.

I am at five years now, and while I will always feel the loss, I love my current life and consider myself happy. Took a lot of work, but I am proud of the work and my accomplishments.

Hugs,
Val

Everyone is a little different. I started feeling functional around 5 month mark, which means that I could do things I normally did. I also felt different at around 9 month mark when I started thinking a little bit more clearly as I remembered that I started resuming my research activities at that time which took a lot of planning and thinking. But don't expect the grief is over, it never will, I think.

The best advice I got is to take one day at a time, which means to let the wound heal. Go by the flow of its natural healing process. Don't force on anything. Don't avoid the pain. Experience it. It will heal. You will have a scar in your heart, but it will heal.

Hugs,

Tiger