Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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When did you start doing...

ChrisForeverLove
ChrisForeverLove

I am very fortunate and thankful that I have a lot of support from family and friends.  I am asked to do a lot of things...go to lunch, dinner and other social events.  I spoke with my grief counselor and she told me that I should try and push myself a little but not too much.  It has only been 8 weeks for me and honestly sometimes its difficult going food shopping because it brings back lots of memories.  Just wondering, from those of you that have been in this a longer period of time, how long it took you to do certain things.  Because I have a young child at home, it pushes me to get out and about even when I don't want to.  But in the beginning did you take up the offers to go out to eat or see a movie.  Did you go to places you use to frequent with your spouse?  Did you attend family functions?  Just thinking of going to my sister-in-law's house, a place where we spent many happy memories together, brings tears to my eyes.  I dont think everyone always understands when I say I am not ready to do something especially evening events.  It's harder becasue coming home at night without him there seems worse when its late.

Missmyanne
Missmyanne
My brother owns a very beautiful piece of property not 25 minutes from where we lived. My late wife loved to go out there.My brother and sister in law were (and still are) great about having us out to enjoy nature. Whenever I'm there now the thought always comes to me....Why didn't we come out here more? I knew you loved it.
jdp
jdp
Only YOU know your tolerance.
Maybe one event a week that might be upsetting??
It has been 3 years for me. You are early in your journey.
We each grieve in a unique way, in our own time.
Certain events, places, people, time of day are triggers.
You have to be able to function competently since you have a child at home.
Some triggers I avoided, then slowly resumed a more normalcy when I was comfortable.
It takes time, little steps...
Blessings
jdp
LaaLaa
LaaLaa
I lost my husband 14 weeks ago. We have a 9 and 14 year old. Everything is hard, but like jdp said only you know. I go out with my friends from time to time but not often because I don't feel comfortable leaving to kids alone yet. The hardest thing is coming home. Take your time, hugs.
ChrisForeverLove
ChrisForeverLove
Thank you for your replies. It's nice to hear I can allow myself to take my time and that's what I am going to do. At the same time, I can push myself when I think I can cope through.
scottito
scottito
You are so early in your grief, still in shock more likely than not. I think I was about 8 weeks in when things started going from bad to worse for me. I could not do anything that we did together. But life wasn't going to just be put on hold. No, I had certain responsibilities that no matter how much I didn't want to deal with (like supporting myself), somehow I was able to function just barely enough until I became, well, functioning. You'll know if you can handle something by trying it. But always leave yourself an escape plan. Don't be stuck in a place or event you can't leave if the grief comes because it will. So drive yourself. And then you can leave by yourself. And as you try things, you'll have a breakthrough every now and then, and it does become easier each time after that. But the first time for anything is beyond hard. I so remember my uncontrollable sobbing from the depth of my soul. But that is a good thing and we can't fight it but just let it come and release it. You'll be fine. In time. Lots of time. ~~~ Scottie
laurie1209
laurie1209
Do what you feel comfortable with. For so long I felt like I was on autopilot and doing thing because I felt I was expected to. Looking back some things I regret doing, like going to a family wedding- my husbands cousins wedding st the home farm. Doing things because it felt expected of me did noting for ME, it gave those around me a sense of normalcy. All I can say is do what you feel comfortable with and don't feel bad for saying no to things, even though you'll have the guilt for not doing them. If you have reservations just say no thank you but thanks for thinking of me and ask again but right now it's a no. Keep it simple.
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