Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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FM0528 04/13/2014

In the beginning everyone told me that I would think it was getting easier and just about that time, around the 3 month mark, I'd lose it again. April 3 was the 3 month mark and sure enough I've been a mess for the past couple weeks. It seems to be getting worse by the day. I don't know how i'm getting through each day. I go to work and almost as soon as I pull into the parking garage a mask goes up, even if i've cried the whole way there. And I keep it up all day, I may have a moment here or there but it usually goes away pretty quickly. Even through the evening i keep it up with my son. But as soon as he goes to bed the mask comes off. It's exhausting. On top of that there's the constant pain of missing him and now i'm starting to get physically sick on a daily basis. I'm nauseous every morning and sometimes throughout the day. I very rarely want to do anything, but force myself to because it's either something that needs to get done or I feel like I shouldn't just be sitting. I can't imagine spending the rest of my life like this, it would be a horrible way to live. But at the same time I don't see this feeling ever going away. I know that i'm not the only one to have ever experienced this. What can I do? if anything, maybe i just have to let it run its course. Is there anything that has helped anyone else?

darjar0 04/13/2014

I lost it when the 3 month mark hit . I was a complete mess for a couple weeks. I'm just starting to come out of it now. I don't know what to tell you cuz I'm as new to this BS as you are. I talk to Michael alot. It seems to help. I dont work or have small kids so I don't have to wear the mask all day. I cry when I want to.
I hope you feel better soon. I know I have moments where I say "Wow, my stomach isnt in knots...this feels good"...and I try to keep it . It doesn't always stay but it's nice to remember what it feels like.
Big hugs,
Nancy

brokenbowl 04/13/2014

Time, precious time.

gerald222 04/13/2014

First of all I am truly sorry for your loss. At 3 months you are still in the toughest most raw part of the grief process emotionally. You are 100% right wearing the mask is absolutely exhausting. I wish there was a easy way to work through this process but there isnt. I would encourage you to find personal time to let the mask come off because that is the first step in some sort of healing. The tears need to flow and the feelings need to be dealt with. If there is a grief support group in your area or you have acess to counselor please access it. You need a place to vent. The good news is you found DS. That for me has been the foundation for finding my way back. Post and vent as often as you need. There are remarkable people with incredible insight here. I would encourage you to set the bar low for a extended period of time. Grief is a fulltime job and your plate is so full. Be gentle on yourself and take baby steps. You wont spend the rest of your life feeling the way you do right now. Life will be different and of course you have been changed forever. And my motto has always been to cling to hope during the tough times. You and your son are in my thoughts and prayers. God bless. Gerald

jewells1 04/13/2014

Only thing that seems to help is time. Finding the you in inside, the one that was his reason for loving you. It has forever changed by this and yes at 3 months it's so hard. But like Gerald said, take the time you need to grieve, there isn't really a way to sidestep it, it has a tendency to wait. The masking for work, yeah I get that I did it often around family and those that have no idea what this hurt feels like.

Gentle hugs, so sorry for your loss, this is a very good group to have found. No masks needed, we get it.

Jewells

dl1959 04/13/2014

Hang in there. It will get better. One day you will realize you are able to breath a little better or maybe you aren't crying as much. It will sneak up on you.
Reaching out like this will help.

Hugs
Diane

deleted_user 04/13/2014

At the three month mark I was a mess. Tomorrow will be six months. I know as I look back that I am doing better. What you(we) are going thru is a complete shock to our very being. It will take as much times as it takes to go thru this journey of grief....you have to go thru it....don't try to go around it. I had screaming fits so loud I thought the neighbors might call the police......do what you have to to get on with life......I am.....I do. Your not alone we are all here for you. Lots of hugs to you....Colleen

livingdisengaged 04/13/2014

I think Gerald's response was very accurate and on point. At 3 months, you are just coming out of the whirlwind and fog of dealing with arrangements and legal stuff. At 3 months, reality smacks you and many of the people who were around you have moved on, thinking you have too. The loneliness sets in along with the fears of facing the future alone. You have to allow yourself to cry and grieve, as horrible as it is. It's part of the healing. I am at 9 months and just starting to feel better. I still have rough days and melt downs, just not every single day in a row. Reach out to a few good friends and let them know you still need them. They don't "get it" otherwise. We are all here for you. Hugs.

karatxmo 04/13/2014

You just need to give yourself time. three months is such a short time. I am nearing 9 months and the last 2 months have been different. I still miss him tremendously and it will never go away...but im okay with always missing him. I still cry if I think too long and I still long for him. but I look at my kids and see a future. I don't like it as much as the future I use to see with my husband. but I just hold onto the love I have for him and for our kids and try to just think in terms of one week at a time. at three months I didn't want to keep living but I did it for our kids. now I want to live and see them grow. I teach them about their dad and his bday is coming up and I ordered cake and im making a picture banner. you will always miss him. but give yourself time. three months is so rough. its not easy now but its different. just try and be easy on yourself.

deleted_user 04/14/2014

I am at 8 mos. and just 2 days ago I was working out back of our store doing things that normally my husband would have been doing because of my disabling back. I just started to sob then cry, the really really ugly cry, the one you don't want anyone to hear or or see. Out back our store just echos through the alley, you can hear everyone and vice-versa. I went sat down beside my military truck I use for delivery's to try to mask the sound as I couldn't stop, I could't hardly catch my breath! Seriously, I don't know what happened to me. It all just came over me and would not stop. A headache came afterwards. :( I hate when I cry because of the headaches, I have such bad sinuses. A cry feels good for my soul, but bad for my sinuses. :(

deleted_user 04/14/2014

Obviously this is NOT debradebraanddebra as I do not have a photo on my name. I have reported this hacker. Dont know who this picture is of guys. Nor do I know the FAKE GRIEVER!!!! I with no picture although am REAL!

deleted_user 04/14/2014

sorry for your loss

FM0528 04/17/2014

Thank you so much to everyone. I know this will get easier in time. The past two days have been ok, better than the last few weeks. I do see a counselor which helps. Thank you again to everyone!

deleted_user 09/01/2014

Just to let you know that you and I are sharing the same exact feelings. I'm also at about the 3 month mark and it seems to be getting worse. I can hardly stand being without him. I cry every day. I try to keep busy doing something everyday, met some nice people at the dog park, listen to Christian radio and read my Bible every morning just to get the courage to get up. When i lost Paul I lost me! I am devastated and don't feel like I will ever feel joy again...so depressed! The only thing I know to do is to keep doing and going. I know that Paul wouldn't want me to give up and I want to honor his memory. I know I'm still here because God still has a plan and a purpose for my life but I will tell you at the moment I have no love left for anything or anyone. I caregave him till the end and it took everything out of me. I will just have to act as if and go thru the motions and keep praying for relief from the pain this is causing me. One Day At A Time and try to think about the blessing of having him in my life to begin with and that he now is no longer suffering..

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