Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
It's amazing how many different churches there are. Most of them have rules and regs that you must follow or you are looked down upon. Some of the rules are that you have to dress up, women can only wear dresses (no pants), you must bend your knee before entering the pew, you must say 20 hails before you go to bed, you must not dance, you must keep your head covered, and women must keep their entire bodies covered except the eyes. You must attend every Sunday or you're going to hell. You must know the Bible backwards and forwards or you will be laughed at. You must have stained glass windows in the church and your family name must be engraved at the bottom so everyone will know who gave the money for it (raises you up on the power scale in the church).
Sounds like I am a big heathen, doesn't it? No, I was raised by a minister and his wife (my parents whom I loved and respected), but I always hated all the rules and regs. It made people create power structures within the church, encouraged pride rather than humility, showed off how much money you had by what you wore. When I became an adult, I quit going to church very often because I plainly didn't want to get dressed up and I always had a run in my pantyhose.
Finally I found a church where there are no real rules except: 1. Love God with all your heart, soul, and strength. 2. Love your neighbor as yourself.
In our church, you wear what you want. I wear jeans even at Christmas. There is no gossip in our church and love abounds. You can lift your hands in praise or leave them at your side in quiet worship. Our focus is not to see who can look the best or who can deny themselves the most to look pious. Everyone is greeted warmly and crying, if you feel like it, is OK, for sure. No one needs to hide who they are. No one wears a "mask".
I deeply encourage anyone who has "lost the faith" because of the people, rules and regs, please don't give up. Find a church that is different from the past and focuseson LOVE alone. Love for God and love for our neighbors. Forget all the rules and regs. I have always felt that the reason most people don't want to go to church is because of the people that are already there. When we truly admit that we gather together to worship God (in our own way) we will see a growing church, serving others, including widowswidowers, and orphans.
Please don't give up on trying to find a church that will allow you to worship God in your own way and that will love you while you're doing it.
Sounds like I am a big heathen, doesn't it? No, I was raised by a minister and his wife (my parents whom I loved and respected), but I always hated all the rules and regs. It made people create power structures within the church, encouraged pride rather than humility, showed off how much money you had by what you wore. When I became an adult, I quit going to church very often because I plainly didn't want to get dressed up and I always had a run in my pantyhose.
Finally I found a church where there are no real rules except: 1. Love God with all your heart, soul, and strength. 2. Love your neighbor as yourself.
In our church, you wear what you want. I wear jeans even at Christmas. There is no gossip in our church and love abounds. You can lift your hands in praise or leave them at your side in quiet worship. Our focus is not to see who can look the best or who can deny themselves the most to look pious. Everyone is greeted warmly and crying, if you feel like it, is OK, for sure. No one needs to hide who they are. No one wears a "mask".
I deeply encourage anyone who has "lost the faith" because of the people, rules and regs, please don't give up. Find a church that is different from the past and focuseson LOVE alone. Love for God and love for our neighbors. Forget all the rules and regs. I have always felt that the reason most people don't want to go to church is because of the people that are already there. When we truly admit that we gather together to worship God (in our own way) we will see a growing church, serving others, including widowswidowers, and orphans.
Please don't give up on trying to find a church that will allow you to worship God in your own way and that will love you while you're doing it.
Everytime I did try, I would see that "Love thy neighbor as you love yourself, do unto other as you would have them do unto you, I am LOVE, Let he who is WITHOUT sin cast the first stone," all seem to be LOST in the Rules and REGS.
When my husband passed, his family is Catholic, and wanted a church mass. I had no problem with that, and of course wanted to honor his wonderful family. The things that went on, in light of one of GODS CHILDREN be called home....nothing short of tragic!!!! I SURVIVED that ceremony, and that's the best I can say of it. I am a believer, but of the love, not the STATIS.
Your church sounds like HEAVEN itself. You have inspired me to at least give it one more try. If I find a place like you have....I'm all in!!!!
Thanks for this post!!! Diane
That is it.
He was a great teacher.
If you live this way you automatically have most of the 10 commandments covered, anyway.
He didn't say love your neighbor unless he had long hair and earrings.
or unless he or she was gay/lesbian
or unless he or she worked as a stripper or a prostitute or some other vocation that perhaps we find distasteful
or unless they wore the proper attire to church
or unless they won't conform to your rules and regulations
The "Cornerstone" of his message was to love one another.
You will find that this "Cornerstone" is at the heart of most every religion. People corrupt its message. Use it for their own gain/power/control.
His message certainly wasn't to go forth and use his words to be "better than" others. To look down on people who are not the same as you.
W.W.J.D? It is a good question.
And to "Newroadsforme" the church you found sounds wonderful...and closer to what Jesus taught than most. I am happy for you.
(((hugs)))
Carla
Maggie
When we go to Mass, we go to participate in the liturgy and worship. Therefore, we are not as outgoing as other churches and tend to socialize at other church social events and Bible Studies. We do greet each other at the start of Mass and at the sign of peace.
I'm sure you will find a place that you will feel comfortable in. Praying at home is wonderful, but being with other believers too is good too. Hugs!
Although Susan Smith drowned her 2 little boys, and she is a mother does not mean all mothers would kill their little children. The same goes for pastors. Please do not think that a bad experience means they are all bad.
Please don't give up on God or his helpers. God loves you and wants you and will comfort you in your grief. Me deepest condolences to those of you who had have a deeply hurtful experience. Peace to you.
Kathleen