My golden years are ahead of me. It's when I walking down the golden sidewalks of Heaven. Here on earth---I do what it takes to survive. I work. I put food on the table. I have a place to lay my head. I try to tell people about God. That's it. That's my life. And yes I have these great grand-kids and my stepdaughter and SIL. They come over and we hang out. The joy of life is different. Will I have someone to walk on the beach with? Maybe, but I'm not looking.

I'm 54. Am mistaken for 38. I'm fat, but could look great if I lost weight. Men still look at me, but I'm just not interested. I had the love of my life. I've had some great relationships even before meeting my late husband, but to find it again, when I'm tired, and just waiting to finish my days here, well, it's just not worth it. Instead I'll join a club, write a book, and if you ever see a woman walking on the beach alone, kicking seashells--it may be me.

First of all I am a diabetic and have been for at least 5 years. Who told you that you could not eat the foods you like.? All in moderation is my motto. My A1C has been great during my grief. I feel that way once in a while but I get up everyday and wonder is something great gonna happen today. After getting through one of the worst weeks I have experienced since Jim died I know I can get through just about anything. I am 59 years old and I have got to get on with life. Nobody told me it would be easy and it's not. I go on to make Jim proud and if there are some happy surprises along the way I will be thrilled. Sorry if this sounds like a lecture...it's not meant to be. It took me 2 1/2 years to get to this point and life is easier. Big Hugs to you

I am 61 and lost my wife to cancer in July. I also have diabetes and a couple of amputations. I am lucky in that I am able to work. That helps. I have been concentrating on taking care of myself. I miss her and cry every day. I love her so much. I have 2 grandaughters. One is 11 and she visits with me every other weekend. She has her own room here. My daughter in law drives me to and from work. I have people that care about me and that helps also. I have several other health issues, but I'm doing OK for now. It's hard. I do cherish her memory.

some day i feel like there nothing to live for but im wrong i have great daughter that 11 and she take pretty good care of me. she was by my side al the time her grandpa was in the hosiptial and im greatful for her. my daughter she doesn't deal with death well she just there if i asked her. it is very lonley at my house these day. i work part time and im decide i have made my own life as friends and family have there. it hard but we can do it. this site great place to come when your down. hugs and God bless you jan

The travel ads get to me BIGTIME too! We never had a honeymoon, since Greg was diagnosed with end stage right before we were married. that ALWAYS is like a knife when I see the Bahama vacation commercials, as we were supposed to after transplant got o the Biminy islands. I hope I can go there someday, and stand where we would have.

There ARE things and people to live for. It's just hard to see what they are sometimes, especially when we don't feel like doing ANYTHING because we are missing them so much.

Keep looking to your precious kids and grandkids as well as your church. In those precious grnadkids eyes. That's the biggest reason to live, and LIVE.

HUGS Diane

I can relate to what you said. My husband passed away almost 4 yrs. ago at 57, before he had a chance to retire. All the dreams we had are gone. It seemed so hopeless for awhile. I have also developed some health problems which limit my activity from what it was before. I'm retired and had planned on working part-time but that's out now. One day I woke up and said to myself that I had to feel some sense of accomplishment again. So I began setting a goal of doing something everyday, no matter how small or big just to feel I had accomplished something that day. That helped my sanity. I still keep my grandchildren and don't know what I'd do without my son and his family. The excruciating pain is gone but the sadness remains. Occasionally have a not so good day, but overall most are pretty good, or as good as they can be under the circumstances. Life will never be the same but I try to find simple joys in my family and friends. Take care, Sandra

I have felt like that before. Now I look in the eyes of my children and my beautiful grandchildren and I see the love in their eyes and I feel needed and wanted. I try to be a comfort to others who are going through something now be it loss or whatever and that helps me take the focus off my pain. At the end of the day though it is a battle everyday to keep focused on the positives of life, but there are some things that I can still look forward to. Another relationship, I don't think so and I don't need that. I had the best and that was always my prayer. I do believe there is a purpose to my still being here and until I am called home, I will continue to try to live a life with purpose. On days when I find it difficult to do so, I will just seek comfort from the one who I know will provide it.

I agree with Diane, the ads out there portraying famlies or ads for couples get aways really gives pause and jolts reality to me. We can just do the best we can and seek comfort where we can. Hugs to everyone,

Anne

Check out my journal entry. I went away last march and this entry should have been done then, but I was reluctant to publish it - why I don't really know. Felt like I was tooting my own horn - silly, I know. This article was published in our local paper The Montreal Gazette.

Basically, it's how much better I felt after taking a vacation - alone. You can do it.

I have been in your shoes, re feeling depressed about life. I am 60 and so far have no medical problems. I am blessed with children and grandkids and they keep me going. But it has been anger - pure anger that is fueling my fire.

I am angry that my husband is dead - and all of our dreams too. So I WILL LIVE and LIVE WELL just to spite "it" - whatever "it" is. I know it doesn't make much sense, but it's working for me.

Sending hugs. I hope you can find some gentle energy to help you along.

I understand what you are saying about the dreams that we had as couples dying along with our husbands. My life is not as I thought it would be but it's far from being bad. I turned 66 in October, my health is perfect and as my kids laughingly say "I am pretty well preserved for an old broad". I am blessed to be able to make choices in my life and I have. For six months of the year I live where my kids do and I am able to watch their lives and the lives of my grandchildren unfold and for the other six months I live directly on the ocean so I am that lady on the beach alone...but I don't kick seashells. I am grateful for my family and my friends and that my life is as good as it is.....even though it isn't what I thought it would be.....so I choose to be happy and accept my life as it is. Maybe later on today.....when I take my little dog out..I will even try kicking a seashell.. :)!

At 52 years old, I certainly did not expect to be alone. We only had one child, who is now 32 and is very busy with his career, but I'm blessed that he did not think twice about moving in with me when his father died and tries very hard to spend as much time with me as possible. So I'm not completely alone, but not having my husband with me is the worst feeling in the world. None of our plans will come to fruition, the retirement we had envisioned will never happen. I have no idea what my life will be like in the future. I so relate to your post.

As for your diabetes, my mother has been a diabetic since age 65 and is now 78 and is healthier than ever. Diabetes can be controlled with diet and exercise. Since my mother became diabetic, I have researched so much about the condition, in case I got it -- I thought it was hereditary-- well, it's not. My mother worked with a dietician to learn how much and how often to eat. Your physician can also recommend some supplementation that will keep your glucose levels regulated. DrWeil.com has a lot of information about controlling diabetes. Don't feel so bad about it, I know so many people who are living full, healthy lives with diabetes. Once you understand your condition and learn to eat
right -- it's all about portion control not so much about the types of foods you eat -- and exercise (walking is the best) you'll will be just fine. Uncontrolled diabetes can lead to all kinds of health issues. Sending you positive energy and a big HUG to you. Connie

Boy I have felt what you feel over and over again. I am basically healthy, have wonderful kids and grands but still on some days anger, sadness and envy takes over. But it has been 4 years and I have had to give up hopes and dreams and face what I call ugly reality. I fought to keep my home... I couldn't... so I am in an apartment and it is okay I like it here no yard work or maintenance, I had to of course get rid of most of my stuff as I had no room for it that is also ok it in the end of just stuff, I am still working on the envy part. I am getting better when I see a loving couple our age strolling along I no longer feel the urge to trip them :) I miss it all and am sad and angry that it is gone but the facts are he is gone that chapter has closed and I have to make choices on where to go and what to do from here on out and giving up is no option as my grand kids are watching. So new apartment, new job, new church and I am working on the attitude as some days it is still holding me back. It will get better it really will. Kick the damn sea shells it makes one feel better to take it out on something because this isn't fair it really isn't.

I'm 59 and lost my husband 3 weeks ago and I get what you're saying. Our dreams were lost when he was lost. I haven't been able to even think or want to have a new dream. And maybe I never will - I'm getting stiff from arthritis and my back is iffy and I feel 30 years older than I am; and I'm at the stage in my grief where I don't want to actually DO anything without him. He was my only friend.

But maybe little dreams will help you... Because Alan was unable to get around much (on oxygen and couldn't keep a stable blood/oxygen level) for the last 18 months I kind of got used to trying to pursue other projects at home since I needed to be with him 24/7. (We have no children and got stuck in a town where we knew only a couple people [he became ill while we were visiting].)

I decided to take up crazy quilting and found an online group that supports new crazy quilters, got a how-to DVD and that took up much of my free time while he was resting or watching tv. When I get over these first few (days...weeks...months...years?) of hard grieving, I suppose I will go back to it because once upon a time I really liked it.

So my point is - when Alan got so sick and I knew our dreams would not come about, I found that little dreams satisfied me. A small dream to manage that first 12 x 12 inch crazy patch, and to learn to embroider.... those things all gave me something to do, to strive for...to enjoy in a small way.

I used to be a travel agent so I am really aware of the hard sell toward honeymooners and retired couples. I can see why those ads can break a person's heart. Travel can be wonderful - God knows I loved it. Together Alan and I went to England, Australia (we also lived there) and lots of other places. I will probably never have the money to travel again but if I ever do have it, I would like to think I would like to see Italy - preferably alone. For now I guess my dream is that I hope I can dream again.

First I want to thank you for being there for me when I joined this site. I will never forget your kind supportive comments that you made to my posts.

I totally understand what you mean and how you are feeling. Every where I look I see couples all around me...some of them many years older. It is a constant reminder where ever we go and every where we look. What we worked all of our lives for is gone forever. It is like I am waiting for something to replace what I had but I have come to realize this will never happen and it makes me feel so sad and alone.

I am still trying to be thankful for my children, grand children and friends but know they will not fill the emptyness that haunts us. Here is hoping and praying that we all are able to find joy and some peace in our lives.

Thanks again my friend, Hugs Lu Ann

I"m so sorry for your loss. My husband also died of lung cancer two years ago. I'm so sorry you're so discouraged and hope that things will turn around for you. My mother also lost my dad due to lung cancer 7 years ago when she was 65, and I was very worried about her. She has RA (Rheumatoid Arthritis) , yet it turned out that she slowly got back into the swing of life by taking classes for seniors at the local university, calling old friends and asking them out or over for lunch, traveling with senior citizen groups, and learning how to fly alone to her kids house. She was very hesitant at first, but after the first time, she became an expert. I am so proud that she's been able to cope and she's been such a good role model for me since my Mike passed. Mom also joined the local historical society and gained friends that way. Now I must tell you, my mom was not the kind of person who had a lot of friends before dad died. She and dad were like two peas and a pod and they didn't socialize much, so I know she had to be very lonely before she did this. Another suggestion is to go on meetup.com It's not a dating site, it's just a way to find groups of people within your same age group and who live in your area who have similiar likes, such as going to the movies, or going out to lunch. My daughter did it and met a lot of good people. I'm praying for peace to your heart- and don't forget, you're never alone when you come here!