I think it means different things to different people. Did you see the post by lauracliff about finally being okay? I think that one expressed what it means for her and basically, I think, when your grief no longer stops you from living your life and pursuing your own goals. When you are able to be proactive about finding a new way to live and have found some level of acceptance. The final phase of grief is acceptance, as I understand these things. But grief isn't a linear process, it's actually more like a spirograph drawing - remember those James? Round and round and it seems so tangled sometimes. And you don't feel like you're getting any further along. I think there is a redefinition that happens. And I don't think you necessarily 'sort it all out' right the first attempt. We are works in progress. I feel that I am in transition again. I have gone from wife to widow and now - I guess just simply woman. Is that 'moving on'? Perhaps it is. Time will tell. Hugs!

sorry - not lauracliff - it was jaymom11

I've been doing some reading on loss and trauma, and the stuff that hit me hard has to do with "reconstructing identity". I don't think I expected to lose myself in losing him, but that has sort of happened. So for me "moving on" means discovering who I am now and then figuring out how this new me can do something meaningful and worthwhile. I don't have it all figured out yet, but finding the new me is the direction I am trying to move in. Cliffskat used different words - but I see the same meaning. I am a gardener, so for me I think about when a tree goes down in the yard. I mourn the loss of the tree, but I still have to find something creative and useful to do with the trunk that is left. And it may take awhile for me to figure out how to integrate that gaping hole into the whole of the garden. Time and a willingness to let the old vision of what the garden was going to be evolve into a new vision of what the garden can become now.

Everyone is right on. I had to find out who I was without Jason. I still miss him like mad and think of him all the time, but the thoughts are more of good things.. Not the constant anxiety of not having him by me.
I had to become a totally different person than I was with him and it is strange, but if we met again (know it would not happen), I don't know how it would be. I am a very different woman than I was with him...
I know like who I am.. I am a widowed single mom of two kids.. But I am not sad anymore..
HUGS to all and remember tommorow is another day... (Corny, but sooo true..)
Jayme

Thank you so much for your responses and support.

I think moving on means ultimately finding a purpose and happiness in your life once again. This is NOT easy since you can't replace what was lost.

We have to redefine ourselves and set goals, which involve thinking of yourself as single and not part of a couple any longer.

The loss of a partner or spouse truly is horrible. It has been worst than my worst nightmare. At least with a nightmare, you wake up and it is over. My loss is too real, and it will not go away when I awake. God please help me!

All the posts are so helpful. Being able to put words to the feelings has been so hard for me. Reading what everyone is saying makes me feel good and wanting to figure out who I am. I like how Meadowlarks compared a tree coming down and feeling the loss of the tree but what can be done with the tree that is creative and useful. I love being outside in the yard and gardens, with the snow melting and the days very slowly getting warmer I continue to get inspired to work in the gardens. I am not having as many meltdowns but I miss Ted daily and talk to him as I walk the dogs, walk on the beach, etc. I'm slowly learning to be dependent on me and accept the challenges, although I don't want this new life. Guess that will come in time. I'm trying to put into place the announcement of my daughter being engaged on Easter and her father not being her to walk her down the isle.

I used to get angry when people would tell me things like, 'move on' - it made me feel guilty to even imagine it. But I have come to know, and this is recently, that if the roles were reversed and it had been me that passed on and my husband was still here.. every part of anything that was ever considered 'me' would want him to live the rest of his life to the fullest - I would want him to be okay without me. So if I think of it like that, it helps me to figure out from there, knowing how much he loved me, that he would want the same for me.
I don't ever want to negate our love.. it lives still to this very day.. and exists in our children, thank God. But I have learned being able to be okay without him does not mean I don't love him & miss him.. and for all this time I thought it might.
You're in my prayers. *hugs

One more thing.. try to be kind to yourself daily and take as much time as you need to sort through what you are feeling. No one should be assigned a time frame in which to deal with their loss. I've learned that recently too. I'm here for you.

To me moving on is moving on from the pain or guilt.Which ever one you may be feeing. When I first met my husband he was still mourning the death of his brother who had died 10 yrs previous.He would cry every time he talked about him or heard a certain song. I told him to move on and he got so pissed at me.He said how can I forget my brother. When I explained to him that I meant to move on from the sadness,the pain the guilt of being alive while his brother was gone.To remember the good times the great memories.He said I was right and from that day on although he was still missing his brother his heart wasnt as heavy.Now my beloved husband has passed and I am trying so hard to move on.

I define "moving on" as simply continuing to live. Find a purpose for my life. Make the time that I have mean something.