Hi, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband 8 months ago to a 2nd stroke. While I don't know the first thing about farming, being a city girl, I do nevertheless get what you are saying about losing the other half of your team. For the last 4+ years before he died, my husband had to live in an assisted living facility across town. I had to work full time and do not drive, so that meant that I only saw him on weekends for the most part, and called him on the phone through the week. Well, I felt so alone that first year, doing absolutely everthing by myself. After Stan died last December, I felt even more alone. For me the worst times are when I am tired, or a problem arises where I really need someone I can rely on help out. My daughter tries, but in her mid 30's she has so many of her own problems; so it always gets down to me. I'm not sure what the answer is, except that we gradually learn new ways to do things on our own. I feel worse when I start comparing myself to "normal" people who have cars, spouses still living at home, etc. I do better when I just try to accept that this is my life now and I will do what I need to do to make it work. I hope you will feel a little bit better soon. At least you know you are not alone! laurabp

I am so sorry for your loss. You face a difficult readjustment and I pray that in time, you will know what to do with all your responsibilities. It is difficult to get through the grieving process let alone, having to face operating a business by yourself.

I lost my husband in Dec and I still have bad days--we need not apologize for that. We need to hold onto the hope that in time, things will work out as we figure them out! And I understand, there really are no words right now that will ease our pain or make us feel better. Grieving is a process and such a major lifestyle change when losing a spouse. It is hard enough just to function, let alone make decisions or even think about the fact that someday we may learn to be happy and smile again. I can't give you any real advice except to deal with whatever has to be done right now and perhaps hold off on anything you can decide upon later. Whenever you need to vent, we all do understand here. Don't forget the most important thing right now, and that is taking care of you.

Hawg- I totally understand what you're saying. Joe and I opened our deli 8 years ago. We had our month off in Jan 08, in late Feb he was diagnosed with billiary duct cancer - spread to his brain a month later. I had to take over the running of the business, his job, as well as mine. That was the way it was going to be, but I didn't know it then. It was always the two of us, so early in the morning, working as a team, teasing each other, sometimes bickering. It's gotten easier, but when I go in to bake at 4 a.m. every day, sometimes the memories flood my brain. Sometimes I feel his presence - sometimes I cry when I bake. But a lot of the time I feel pride that I'm doing this - as should you, because you're doing what you have to do. No, people don't have a clue. They try to understand the grieving, but they don't think about the fact that one is now doing what two did. Hugs, Marsha

I am so sorry for your loss. Everything can get so overwhelming after the loss of a loved one. Even the things you handled alone seem like more than you can deal with. I hope you can find the help you need. Never feel like you cant vent here. Thats what we're all here for. To help each other through this.
Luv and hugs, Lori

My husband and I used to say that we were a "Team". He made up for all my weaknesses and me his. Together we were one. Without him there are so many things I don't know how to do.. But I am learning slowly. Not because I want to, only because I must.

You can proceed from here, but it will be tough. It is a hard road, but you can do it. I know that without your husband the world seems so dismal. I just don't want another future. I was so happy with the one I thought I had. Now I have to live this new life without him. It just isn't right.

Unfortunately I have no choice.. I have to just keep moving forward. Not moving on.. just moving forward. Day by day. Learning how to do the things he once did for us. Learning how to cope without him.

I hope that you can find support in your friends and family to help you learn all the tasks you need to. I hope that you can find a new dream for your future. Although I know you don't want a future without him, there is a purpose that you have yet to serve until you meet him again.

I hope you have a better day tomorrow.

I'm sorry you're having a bad day too and I hope tomarrow seems brighter. Your concerns are valid and have been concerns of ours too. Those who have their own business and lose half their team are probably dealing with different needs than those who are missing needed income to meet financial obligaations. It's hard for all of us to get through and the answers are very individual.
Take a deep breathe and go one step at a time believing a way will materialize. It will, just be open to grasp it when it does. I'm praying for you. Sharon

I get what you are saying the aloneness is the hard part. I live in town, but we were always together my house is so empty with out him,
even when other people are around, I am still
lonely it has gotten easier and It will for
you too, one day at a time. We want them to
come back to us and it is the one thing we can not have. I am cring as i write this at least
we understand each ,other no one who has not
lost their life lone team mate can get it.
I am going to pray for you too . that is
progress I was so mad at god at frist I could not pray.

I am sorry about your loss and understand what you are going through. I lost my husband on July 4th, 2009. I know that it is hard learning to live without them is like starting all over. This journey is painful and hard for us especially since we did not have a choice of choosing it. We all have bad days which is normal and we should not apologize or be ashame of it. We lost the love of our lives. My husband always wanted to do farming and I had promised him that when the housing market picked up if he wanted we could sell our house and move to a farming community. It did not happen because he died before but I know if there is a heaven and they have a farm he must be there taking care of it. Just remember to breathe and take care of yourself. He is watching over you and will always be near you. Lots of hugs Linda

And, you're not alone. My husband and I spent 31 years of married life together, and dated/engaged for 7 more. So, I spent 38 years with him. I find the solitude overwhelming, so I pick up the phone and call someone. They had offered their number in the past if I needed someone to talk to. So, hello! Here I am.

They don't need to say anything that is going to make you feel better, for not much is going to. But just being there to listen counts for much. It reinforces how you feel inside, and allows your feelings to break through the pain and anxiety that is masking the real you inside.

For those who have not lost a spouse, no, they don't have a clue, period.

I don't put any demands or expectations on myself. No pressure either. I pray to God nightly, and tell him everything that's on my mind. I also ask that I can just get up in the morning and do the best I can for the day. Just the day.

What I really want in life I can't have and there is nothing I can do about it. That's the hard part. But I also need to be left alone in some respect with the "well-meaning" advice from people who can't understand.

Is there counseling available in your area? Or perhaps your local clergy? I'm not cut out for a grief group, but I am in one-on-one counseling. It does help. Sounds like you have become overwhelmed and need someone to unload on.