Since John passed away suddenly almost 5 months ago, I think I have done fairly well. I welcomed our 2nd son into the world without him, I am still going to go back to school like we had planned and I get things done. I am so madly in love with him and miss him so terribly, I always look for ways to honor his memory for him and our sons and in turn that helps me too. I do get exhausted....since John has passed I haven't been able to just lay in bed for a whole day and grieve and relax. On the weekends my dad watches my baby while my 2 year old and I nap...that's the only alone time I have. and I am thankful for my kids so much...they are the only things that keep me going. But time to mourn John and rest would be helpful I am sure. For Valentines Day I am going to drive the hour and half to see my husband alone-taking the kids last time was exhausting and then had to turn and leave right away they were so cranky. but recently it has sunk in that the boys are my sole responsibility. I never worried before even when things would be hard, I always told my husband everything would be fine and it always was. Now I need to go finish school after having to stop college 3 years ago. I have to get a good job to support my kids. I have to buy a home for us to grow in (I rent and my dad moved in the night I lost my husband...so he is in my babys room and my baby is with me and my 2 year old has his own room...) and when I start working and can support myself and kids my dad will move out and I will be on my own. its so scary. John was my rock...I just find myself worried about whether or not I will be able to provide my kids with what they need and what I want them to have. Sorry for rambling...just a little scared about raising two boys without their daddy.