How courageous of you to do that! Weddings are HUGE, in my opinion. Just to see people that happy brings on a flood of tears. All the hope of a long and happy life together. .. still way too painful for me. I was supposed to go to a wedding this past weekend, but couldn't even think about it. The bride and groom were very understanding and said they really didn't expect me to be there. Glad your family/friends were understanding, too.

Hello,

I am so glad you posted this and that you managed to make it through the days. My fiance died in April - we hadn't started planning our wedding yet but we were going to have it some time next year. My problem is that my only brother is getting married in October and I am nervous about how the wedding will make me feel. Our mum died last year and my dad is very bitter and hard work - I try and be supportive of him but he never rings me up to ask how I'm doing or when I do speak to him, he doesn't realise that I lost my mum and my fiance in less than a year. I know he is making things difficult for my brother who lives near him - he was very selfish before my mum passed and is even worse now. If it doesn't involve him he really isn't interested. Anyway, he has shown no interest in my brothers wedding so I was very keen to hear all about the plans and show support. When Adrian died, I keep trying to be brave and ask him how things are going as I don't want him to feel he can't be happy around me. Anyway, the day is looming ever closer and I really don't know how it will be! My friend is going to come and all my aunts, uncles and cousins will be there (some of whom I haven't seen since Adrian died). For now, I try not to think about things but your post re-assured me that it might not be as bad as I think. If Adrian's birthday is anything to go by, I was OK on the day but it hit me hard the days after!!!!

Well done.

x

Weddings just came up in the monthly group I attended last night. I went to two on consecutive Saturdays less than 2 months after my wife died. The first was a family friend of my in-laws. That one was easier than expected but still strange. I didn't know anyone aside from the bride and her mother. The kicker is that my father-in-law died suddenly a week prior to my wife. He was a big personality and he would have made his presence known. So at the wedding it ended up just being me, my mother-in-law and my two sister-in-laws. We had more fun than expected but it was still a little strange. The following week was a family friend of mine. I knew more people there in addition to having my parents, brothers and their wives there as well. That one was not very difficult.

The big test is just over a week away. My twin brother is getting married. This one might be tough. On top of knowing everyone that will be there (at least on our side), I'm very close with my family and friends so they all knew and loved my wife dearly. And I've gotten to know many of my soon to be sister-in-laws family and friends very well already too. If all went as planned with my wife she would be home and in much better health right now. This wedding is something I was really looking forward to for us to be able to go tto ogether and dance and laugh. Now I'm not sure what to expect.

I never used to cry in public before Cliff died - except at weddings! I don't know why, but they always made me cry. After Cliff died, I couldn't face them, or bridal showers either. I sent my gifts and good wishes, but stayed away. I think you are a very brave and strong person to be able to go. The first year I couldn't do it.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

I just came back from my first wedding since I lost my Bob. Our nephew was getting married and I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

We had planned for this a year ago and had even rented a house with a pool for a week ( michigan in august). Then my world fell apart. The family was very understanding and told me they would understand if I just couldn't come. I told them I would give them everything I had...I just wasn't sure how much that was. Just flying there without my Bob was painful but when I walked into family homes where he should have been....oh , my God, it was like a two by four smacking me in the head and heart.

Wedding day. I made it through the ceremony, and the first part of the reception but when everyone went up for the first dance with the newly weds, I totally lost it. This was the first wedding in 46 years I have been to without my sweetheart. I hate not being anywhere without him by my side, but especially at a wedding.....ugh! I slipped out a side door and went back to the house....thank God for my wonderful sons.

The love and understanding of my family helped me get through it, but the pain ....only you guys here would understand the depth of pain caused by watching couples together....! I tried and gave it my best shot because he would have wanted me to be there.

sending prayers and gentle hugs to all of us here who are walking this dark road, that we will find moments of peace today.
Blessings,
Sharon

My daughter will be getting married the first weekend in October. She is the last of our four children to be married. My husband was soooo looking forward to this big day. He and our daughter were extremely close. They often talked about which music would be played at the reception. He loved to dance and couldn't wait to get out onto the dance floor. I know I have to be strong that day and put up a brave front for my daughter and my husband. I just don't know how I'm going to do it :(

.....And life goes on!!!!

You were very unselfish to go even though I imagine it was not easy to do. I have a wedding to go to on the 14th and I hope that I can be as gracious and strong as you were.

Since my worst reaction to this situation is extreme couples envy, I also wish to be able to display grace and gratitude like you did Silver.

I am glad it was much better than you anticipated.

I wish all of you facing weddings the very best. I hope they all have moments you truly enjoy, even as they open a floodgate of memories, pain and envy. ((()))

I went to my niece's wedding two weeks after my wife died. Family is very important to us so I went because I wanted to support my brother's family in that important event for them. I flew my son and my daughter and her family as well.

The important thing is that I just wanted to attend, but not be a distraction. So I kept a low profile. The only parts that were a problem for me were when they said the wedding vows ( until death do we part ) and this one dance at the reception.

Its a tradition in some receptions that toward the end they ask all the married couples to get on the floor for a dance. Then as the music is playing they ask couples being married less than two years to sit down, then those less than 5 years to sit down, etc.

Finally they end up with a couple who have been married like 50 years. Its to show the newly married couple that hopefully they, too, will have a long marriage.

We would have been the second to last couple out there ( 37 years ), but I could not go out there. It was pretty obvious to me at that point that I was no longer married.

Overall I was glad I attended, I know the bride and groom appreciated our effort to make it there. The day is about them.