Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Wave after Wave

Markie
Markie

Today had been a better day than the previous few days. I was making some progress on tasks at work and things seemed to be humming along. I just finished a meeting with the my team and a Corporate IT Security Manager and things were okay.


I closed out the meeting and then a wave of grief just hit me. I sit here frozen and just want to cry. It felt like I was paralyzed. I know that these waves come and go, but this one is/was intense. I am not sure what triggered it, but it had a grip me. People have told me to face the grief and embrace that grief, and I try... but it hurts... oh boy it hurts. I miss my wife. I don't like my life this way...


Many years ago, I read a book by Reynolds Price, an author from Duke University. The book was about his experience with cancer. In it he relayed a story about a dream that he had in which he asked God "How much more do I have to take?". He heard God tell him "More......"


This is how I feel right now


Thanks for listening


Mark

katie2016
katie2016
It is weird when they hit out of the blue. Maybe that was a moment when you would have returned to your office and phoned or messaged her? I still have those times where I go to reach for the phone to let him know what I am up to and then it hits.
Msbklyn
Msbklyn
Mark: I lost my husband 10 1/2 months ago rather suddenly following a 30 day hospitalization due to a sudden cardiac arrest. He was 59 and we were married for 29 1/2 years. I've finally gotten to a point where the physical pain has greatly decreased. Yes, I still miss him every moment of each day and wish I still had him but I hold strong in my faith in God to get me through. The physical pain and overwhelming waves will lessen but our love and desire to be with them is still with us. I wish you peace on this journey. Know that you like many of us who have experienced the loss of our love will survive. It's good that you are expressing your grief , I think that's what embracing includes. Be kind to yourself and patient with your grief. Keep posting and let others validate your feelings. Initially that is what helps. God Bless
missingmylove
missingmylove
It hasn't even been a month since I lost my husband yet, like you , some days I am amazed what I was able to get done. In my professional life I am used to helping to put people back together after a loss or a trauma. I am quickly learning that all of those skills don't mean anything when your the person who has suffered the loss. I was doing. Ok today, even managed to make a few phone calls and didn't cry uncontrollably the whole time but then I went into our bedroom and his baseball hat was sitting on his dresser and I completely fell apart. So, I get it. I'm learning slowly to embrace and accept that I will fall apart when I need to , I just will not know when the grief is going to hit. I'm sending you a hug.
Markie
Markie
Hello Folks, your replies have been very meaningful to me. Throughout the travels that I have been on over the past week I realize that we are given the things that we need when we need them. Blessings and Peace to each of you....and Thank you.... Mark
willowbreeze
willowbreeze
I lost the love of my life on April 28th.2016 from a blood clot that caused cardiac arrest.
It's been a struggle every day but when those waves hit it's like being hit by a truck.
We can all relate to what you are going through...It's a long painful, lonely journey but there is comfort in knowing there are others who share it and understand.
staygolden3
staygolden3
I'm so sorry Mark. It happens to us all and hurts like hell but...you just have to power through it. The worst triggers are the ones that you don't see coming.
I belive these will happen for the rest of our lives but the intensity will decrease. That's not to say our that love or memories will. It just means that we will learn to live with those feelings....and when they appear, we will stop for a minute, embrace the feeling, accept them and then let them go. You will get to that place Mark....there's only one word to help you through and that is time.
Peace and strength to you...
Darcie
Markie
Markie
Hello Darcie, I am not sure if you will be notified of my reply, but I thank you for it. As you know sharing these experiences helps all parties.. Please let me know if you see this reply... Blessings and Peace... Mark
staygolden3
staygolden3
Yes Mark.....I see it and thanks for your reply! You're so right.....sharing does help us all!
Peace and blessings to you too!
Darcie