This will of course be a long post. I think that is all I know how to do lol. It is a compilation of the facebook posts to her family during her sickness. Some spots are supposed to have pictures but this forum won't let me attach them. This is not something that needs to be read but something that I feel may be important for others. To know and understand, we all have had a hard journey getting to this site. Hopefully it will help someone. Typing it all over again made me cry again but it was good, they were tears of happiness mixed with a tad sorrow. Mostly tho just peace.

Facebook Posts

December 6 2015

I don't come on here and ask for a lot and most of what I post is music related when I do post. Tonight though I ask that you pray for my wife. She has been admitted to OSF St. Mary's Hospital here in Galesburg. We have no diagnosis but we do know they are doing a Liver Biopsy on her tomorrow (Dec 7). I have no more real info than this tonight, I am back home to get the kids off to school in the morning and then back to the hospital. In our 15 years of marriage I have always been the sick one, the one whose body did not like him, tonight it is her and I would trade spots willingly to keep her safe. So please through out tomorrow and tonight remember us in your thoughts and prayers when you can.

December 7 2015

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayers today. Meredith is still in St. Mary's hospital. The CT scan they did today showed that there are several masses (what they called lesions yesterday) in her liver. Tomorrow she will be having her third CT scan as they use it to guide the biopsy to make sure they sample from the largest mass. I know God has a plan and I trust in Him. Just wish it was me sick and not her.

December 11 2015

Now that I have spoken with our children and made sure they understand what is going on, it is now time to update everyone else. Meredith was officially diagnosed with cancer. Though they have no clue where it started. We are meeting with an oncologist next Friday. She has stated that God is not done with her and she will fight. I know she will win, this Goliath currently in our lives is not bigger than God.

December 13 2015 (From Meredith)

I have not been on the computer much this week but my husband John has been keeping everyone updated as we are able at this point. But I wanted to speak for myself and say a very heart-felt thank you for everyone who has shown my family love and support either through prayer, preparing dinner or even a simple visit. I have been anointed in Church today and I am claiming my stripes, I am claiming His Power over my life and that of everyone who has come alongside I AM going to beat this! I can promise you that! Cancer is just a word; it does NOT define me nor does it DEFEAT me.

I do not expect to be treated differently than normal nor do I expect pity because GOD will be glorified through this journey. I will have good days and bad ones, I will be emotional and I will be strong. God is BIGGER than this diagnosis. Please continue to hold us in prayer. God bless you and much love to all.

December 22 2015

Ok I know I have not posted any music the last few days. I have been taking the time to digest the information we got last week. We already knew Meredith has cancer. Thankfully we found out it it's not in her pancreas, however it is in the liver and what appears to be some on her spine. She had a PET scan this morning to check her bones from her neck down for cancer. As of right now she is back in surgery having a port placed in her chest for the chemo. Christmas Eve she will have an MRI of her brain to see if the cancer had spread there. She has small cell cancer that according to the oncologist can be put in remission but cannot be cured. We trust the oncologist but we also trust that if God wants her cured she will be. Chemo starts next Tuesday, so for now we just need to stay the course. Thank you for all the prayers, comments, letters and to those who have stopped by the house. It has all meant a lot to us.

December 28 2015

So we met with the Cancer Center again today. Meredith Anno was told information that I have known for over a week. First the good news, the MRI on her skull revealed she has a Brain! I know total shock on my end here, science proved that a light can shine in the dark...ok ok back to the serious stuff. She has no Cancer in her brain currently this is a huge relief. The PET scan done last week was not as nice. She has Cancer throughout her body in her bones including her right clavicle, her femurs her spine and many other locations. She starts her Chemo treatments tomorrow morning and she has one thing she says constantly and I am behind her on it completely. She is going to fight and that God is with us still no matter what and that He is still God.

December 30 2015

#TogetherFighting


January 4 2016

Having a bad day today. Meredith is extremely nauseous cold and clammy skin. Called the Illinois Cancer Care and they wanted her right in. She is here getting IV fluids.
Thank you everyone. She was extremely dehydrated today and required iv fluids to rehydrate her. She had had a much better afternoon than the beginning of the day. We got home around 3PM today

January 5 2016

Sitting at home with my best friend, realizing how small she has gotten. #TogetherFighting


January 10 2016

And it has begun. I watched Meredith get up out of a chair today and saw hair fall to the ground. I had her sit at the kitchen table and I brushed her hair only to get a lot more out. The chemo has made her hair start to fall out. She started to cry and while I understand I told her it is just hair. Just as baptism is an outward sign of Christ inside, hair loss is an outward sign of the chemo. She is still beautiful and losing her hair will not change that. #TogetherFighting

#TogetherFighting you know when I first started typing that phrase back at the first photo of Meredith and I it was to let her know that I am here for her no matter what. It was to tell her she is not alone in this situation and that I will fight for her because I LOVE her.

Over the last two weeks I have watched and listened to so many people and realized (although I may be late to the realization) that it has come to mean so much more. I had this misconstrued idea to start out that this was about Meredith and I and that nothing else mattered in this fight. I could not have been more wrong, there is so much more in that little phrase than just Meredith and I.

You see it is all of you also, our friends and family. Your prayers, hugs, well wishes, notes, gifts and even the meals that have been dropped off at the house. We are not in this with each other, you are all in this with us. We are all #TogetherFighting. I cannot express what that knowledge has meant to me once I discovered it, I always knew God was with the both of us and that He would not leave us. The outpouring of love we have received since this fight started has been simply amazing.
The simplest things mean so much, from the ladies who came to help me clean the house to the families who have provided dinner to ours. I am not naming names as to who has done what because they have not done this for their glory but for Christs and their reward will come.
I sit each night once the kids go to bed and Meredith is resting and I listen to music and cry. Yes, I am a grown man and I will admit to crying. I will not do it in front of her but I do cry it is unavoidable. I am not hiding it from her I mean I am here admitting it knowing she will read this and so will the kids. My job is to be strong in front of her and weak when she is sleeping. My weakness allows me to lean on God even more to keep me strong when she is awake. I learned several years ago when I was going through the hardest part of my own medical issues that writing was a great way for me to vent. I am writing this because many have asked my feelings because I am not the best at expressing them. I dont allow myself to express them because showing my weakness is not an easy thing. Asking others for help does not come natural to me, I have tried my whole life to be self-sufficient.

I have learned in the past that I am not in control and that God is, I have wondered through this event if my sickness in the past was to prepare me for this now. Through all of you He has been showing us His love and trying to prove to me that we are not alone. So the long and the short of this message is Thank You. Thank you for being there, for caring and for praying. With all of you she will beat this Cancer in her body because we are all #TogetherFighting.

January 12 2016

So the decision has been made tonight that on Thursday Meredith Anno will be cutting her hair off. Now there are a couple of options here I can do.
A) Cut her hair then shave it off myself
B) Take her somewhere that will not overcharge me to shave her bald.

I have no problem doing the job myself I am just scared that since cutting hair is not my profession I may hurt her more than help her. Her decision to shave it off is so that the Chemo wont tell her when it will take it away, she is showing she still has a say and control in what happens. I personally think this is a great statement to make as it shows she is still fighting.

So I am open to suggestions as to who to use on Thursday or if it is best done by me. I am all ears and with you all we are still #TogetherFighting

January 14 2016
It is finished #TogetherFighting

January 18 2016

At St. Francis ER department. Meredith went in for labs today at Illinois Cancer Care and a visit with the doctor because it has been a tough weekend. She has fallen a few times at home and has been really weak. Her liver profile is extremely elevated and they sent her to St. Francis in Peoria. Right now this is all I know will update when I can.
She looks better tonight than she did this morning. Meredith has been admitted to ICU at St. Francis Hospital in Peoria IL. I am heading back there now to stay the night at the hospital to be near her. Had to come home get the kids settled and grab some things. Will update more later once I am back at her side.

Ok it is now 11:52 pm and Meredith Anno is resting back in the ICU. Today has been a very long day and I am going to talk about things that I have kept silent till now so please bear with me. Meredith has been really sick since last Thursday she has been weak and falling in the house. I have done my best to take care of her and get her through the weekend till she went to the Cancer Center today. Unfortunately I missed the fact that she was slowly fading to a yellow jaundice tint in her skin. Life is funny you spend so much time close to someone that the subtle changes are easily overlooked.

After having her labs this morning, it was found that her liver profile was extremely high, she was immediately sent to St. Francis hospital in Peoria, IL. Now I sit all these hours later knowing few new details. One her liver has a bile duct blockage that they did an MRI to find. Two, her kidneys and failing and may need to do dialysis. Last but certainly not least she is too weak to start chemo again tomorrow.
Tomorrow is a new day with new challenges from possible dialysis to surgery, however I am only a prayer away from sleeping so I will sign off from here while I am still coherent enough.

January 19 2016
#TogetherFighting

Tuesday evening update. Today we have spoken with every form of Doctor that I think can exist. Except Doctor Who which would have been great. Well the Kidney Doctors don't want to do any dialysis at this point because she is filtering some fluid and creating urine. The gastrointestinal doctors have found a bile duct that is narrowing that is causing the blockage. However, the procedure needed to do the surgery will require anesthesia. The anesthesiologist wont allow the procedure unless her levels come down. Levels that are raised partially by the blockage that the procedure will correct. Now please pay attention I said partially, she was diagnosed today as having Tumor Lysis Syndrome. Basically the chemo is attacking the tumors, the tumors are shrinking, but they for a lack of a better phrase are exploding. Thus releasing toxins into her system that is also elevating her liver profile. So for now we wait, I have had to speak with Palliative Care and have all the end of life conversations that I did not want to have. Today I am tired and I just want to see my kids and let them see their mother. Please know that neither one of us have stopped fighting we are just tired today and stressed. I may not respond to all texts or Facebook posts but I will at least read them. #TogetherFighting

January 20 2016

Wednesday 1/20/16 update. Well what a rollercoaster today's journey has been. At 2:30 I am awoken in the lounge by her nurse saying she is requesting me. I go to her side as I am not allowed to sleep in her room and we have a funny conversation. "Hi, SHMILY, I hurt. Did you ask for meds or tell your nurse? No" I sort of scolded her for not talking to her nurse then she hit me with it. " Why have you lied to your nurse, because I wanted to see you before the meds put me to sleep. #LOVE
Later shortly after 5 m I find out her levels came down to the safe range and we just had to wait gastrointestinal and procedure here we come. Have you ever looked at the bright shining sun before the storm clouds? How over the clouds you can see rays of hope shining down, enter the storm clouds! First the kidney doctors come in to tell us that her kidneys have failed. Follow this by the MICU doctor giving us straight forward no beating around the bunch information because he wants us to have a fully informed decision process. After his chat the gastrointestinal group comes in and says even though her levels are down they have pulled the procedure from the table. It cannot be offered. Talk about a kick in the gut.

Well the MICU doctor gave us a promise to fill us in completely and he delivered on it after everyone else finished. He brought his computer in and showed Meredith and I what it looked like. Her liver is not just shutting down it does not exist. She has a liver mass that is 100% tumors. The amount of cancer in her liver has tripled since December. He also informed us that the oncologists have decided there is nothing more they can do. Her reaction to the slightest pain medication now is like a snow effect as her body cant filter out he med. I have been named surrogate as we never had a medical power of attorney. I also had to make DNR decisions today and I am scared. So now in a little over 10 hours my beautiful wife will be transferred out of MICU to the Hospice House here in Peoria to be as comfortable as she can till the end. At her stage of liver and kidney loss we will be lucky if she is still here by Sunday. I am writing all this because I cannot sleep, because my heart is in a room away from me and I am with our 3 kids in a waiting room wondering if they will see their mother in the morning.
This war seems so unfair 5 weeks from diagnosis to this, but I trust God and I know He has His reasons. He can still heal her but if He chooses to take her home to be healed then that is His choice. For now I am logging off as I am very tired and just need to cry in my sleep. Still and always #TogetherFighting

January 21 2016

Thursday 1/21/16 update. Well today was moving day. We are now located at the Hospice House. The kids are here sleeping in the same room as their mother and I sit here beside my angel as she sleeps. There will be plenty of time for me to sleep later, for now I am on guard duty. I am watching to keep her safe and keep her here for a little while longer. I have one last promise that I made to her that I have yet to deliver. I promised she would get to see her daddy he arrives at midway tomorrow. Once he arrives and they get to talk, God may do whatever pleases Him, till then I guard my angel. The staff here have all been excellent so far and have treated her with respect. Choosing this location to have her finish her time with us was a good choice.

January 22 2016

Friday 1/22/16 update. Meredith has had a hard day and there has been a lot of stress. Her dads flight got delayed and he did not get to midway until 5:40 pm. Vincent drove him straight hear to Peoria. Meredith was asleep most of the day and I was worried she would be out by the time he got here. Merritt (her dad) arrived at 10 pm.

Meredith was given her pain and anxiety meds at 9:30 so she was calm and sleepy when he got here. She was able to hear his voice and looked at him and reached out for a hug. There was no talking but she definitely knows he's here.

She is now resting and Merritt, Maude and I are at her side. Right now nothing else to post just going to sit here and enjoy the rest of the evening. #promisefulfilled #TogetherFighting

January 23 2016

Saturday 1/23/16 update: My angel Meredith and her father Merritt. They look good together. We have had a quiet day today on her journey home. She is still with us but only as much as the pain meds will allow which is 24 hours of sleep. Only God knows, until then we remain #TogetherFighting

January 24 2016 7:57am

Good morning everyone. I can see many from our church are checking in already. Meredith is still with us this morning. She has been reaching out all night to who I do not know. Hands straight in the air like she was going for a hug. I told her it is ok to go to whoever is there be it her mom, granny, grandfather or Christ. She is still fighting to stay with me also. Each time I move her head back to the center of her pillow so that she looks comfortable, she moves it back closer to me. It has been a long night and we are still #TogetherFighting.

January 24 2016 10:35am

Shortly after 8 am this morning Meredith left her pain behind and joined her mother and grandparents with her Lord.

January 24 2016 11:27pm

This last October Meredith and I celebrated our 15th wedding Anniversary. In those 15 years we have had our ups and our downs but we were always together. We started our relationship as friends long before anything else ever happened, once the first date came we were married in six months. On the day of our wedding I sang a song to Meredith that described how I felt at that time. The song still holds true to this day and I can honestly say I fulfilled the song with my love of Meredith. People who knew us knew the word SHMILY was said a lot between us, over the years some came to know and understand what it meant. Tuesday night in the MICU when she said it to me I knew it was the last time I would hear those letters from her. See How Much I Love You, I chose to see you over taking pain medication. Meredith was my best friend and the love of my life.

I am writing tonight because I still cannot sleep, my job watching over her and protecting her has ended and now I sit here empty of energy, thankful that she is no longer in pain and scared of a future without her near me.

On Wednesday morning in the MICU I played and sang our wedding song to her one last time, tonight I will post it here. Please take your loved ones and hold them close, remember we are not promised tomorrow. Live each day to its fullest power and always let them know You Love them.

January 27 2016

Tonight has been an interesting night. The kids and I had Wednesday night dinner at the church and then came home to watch some movies together. We were laughing like nothing was wrong, I sat there expecting the door to open and Meredith would be coming home from the store. But alas this did not happen, in fact the eerie peace in the house slowly crept back to sorrow as the guilt of enjoying time with the kids swept over me.

Tomorrow is her visitation and it will be the first time I have seen her since Sunday. How am I supposed to hold it together tomorrow for the kids when I cannot even hold it together listening to music now. I sat today at the church working on songs to play before and after the funeral Friday and I came across Walking Her Hoe by Mark Schultz.
I listened to the song and completely lost it today, as I let the words sink in I realized that the pictures I have taken of our hands throughout the stages of the cancer has been me Walking Her Home.

Saturday night I knew it would be my last with my angel and I would not sleep. I stayed up the entire night watching over her and holding her hand. The photo I am going to link into this post is the last one I had taken of us just 10 minutes before she passed away Sunday morning. We did not have 60 years together as the song says but I had 15 great years with a woman I adored.