James, it's good to hear from you, although I had wished that your absence was because you were happily living your life now. I don't think we ever forget or totally "get over them". I think we do the best we can to rebuild our lives, one brick at a time it seems. I know you have struggled for a very long time. Has there been something recently that gave you another setback? I know the holidays are rough on everybody, and the winter blues don't help either.

I know you've done a lot to try to work back to feeling whole, but maybe it's time to consider medication?

I'm sorry you're still struggling so. I hope today is a better day for you. Love and Hugs, Martha

hi James, sorry to hear you are hurting still.

I appreciate your input Martha and hope you're doing better than me.

It's not one thing that gives me a set back. If there was a contributor, I would say seeing other couples together and although I socialize I always come home to being alone.

I'm never whole and I miss so much everything Tom and I had together such as the physical and emotional intimacy. Nothing ever feels normal.

Another thing that bothers me is that no one ever mentions him. It's as if he disappeared suddenly and everyone just goes on with their lives as if nothing happened. I have a massive whole in my life and some still have their mates.

I'm sure you feel that terrible absence everyday. The longing never stops and the pain is always there, just not in the foreground all the time.

As far as medication, I don't feel that would help me since I've come this far without it. Medication only masks the pain instead of dealing with it, not to mention the monetary cost.

I just need to talk to someone and that's why I'm here venting on this site.

I also lost a good friend last year in June so that hasn't helped either. Over the last seven years, I've lost many people and it hasn't been easy at all.

I've made no secret of my desire to leave this life in order to be my wife again. People don't think I'm serious but I really am. However, this is not a matter that we can take into our own hands. We have to leave this in this to the Divine, when we move on is up to Him, not us. Hang in there friend, wait for His mercy, it'll happen for us. Remember, in the scheme of eternity our remaining time here is but a wisp of smoke. They'll be there when we get there.

God Bless, Sal.

It will be 3 years on May 22 for me. I do not yearn to be with my husband, but if I did pass on tomorrow it would be OK. I feel good knowing that my husband will return for me.

And no, I do not feel whole either. I attend private counseling and I take meds, but I lost my best friend, my playmate, my lover and my soulmate. It is no wonder that I feel the void instead of being a "whole" person again. I am not the person that I was, but I have accepted my husband is in peace in heaven and there is nothing I could have done to help him live.

Truthfully, I cannot say that I have felt lonely nor alone since Dick died. It's funny, but I haven't. And as yourself, I discovered early on that no one could ever take the place or come close to Dick. God broke the mold when they made him.

As for dating? I don't think so. I am very happy in my own little world and I am moving forward.

Blessings, Debbie

My mom told me she was ready to go home when she lost her mother. I begged her to stay. I still wanted her to be here for me. She lived another eleven years. I'm sure there are those who want you to be here too. Still, I know the feeling of everything seeming empty now that we're alone. It's horrible, but for me it's getting better. I think it will for most of us in time. For now I say death can wait.