I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I'm also sorry about his passing the way that he did. That would be a lot to handle and deal with but I know you are strong even though it hurts like hell. We all have a story that we must deal with and somehow...we do... You've come 2 yrs down this path and I know if you look deep, enough, you will see progress and growth.
Maybe next time you have a dream like that if you can consciously remember to say something like this, "I know you're here in spirit but not physically anymore....it's OK to let go....it's OK for both of us to let go....we will be all right, our love is forever..."
Maybe he senses that you are in a place where it is hard to move forward. Maybe it's your subconscious that wants to move forward but also won't let you. You need to give it permission. Tell yourself it's OK even if a lot of times you don't feel that it is. The power of positive thinking is a tremendous tool. Use it every day and it will be to your advantage. If you say it enough, you will start to believe it, feel it and live it.
Find a mantra that suits you and say it to yourself before you fall asleep and when you wake up. I find that that helps me. Mine? "Please let me find peace, strength and happiness and thank you for this day....lets make it a good one."
It's up to you how to proceed....I know it's hard but no one else can do it for you.
You are a capable strong woman....always remember that my dear... :)
Best wishes and hugs to you,
Darcie

Judy, thank you for replying. I know that many of us get the kind of comfort that you described, from thinking about things as visitations. Unfortunately that does not fit for me & my personal beliefs, at all. I appreciate you caring enough to post & share here, though.
Darcie, I guess I will have to try some type of before bedtime focus work that will "fit" for me.
Yeah, my night dream-state is just WAY too connected with the Way he passed, and the very first moments I became aware that he either was passing away...or Just had.
We were together for my entire adult life, and even though my mind is in touch with this new "He is gone, and I am alone here" reality, my heart is not "there"..
It does not feel possible to sink in deep enough, that these dreams will ever stop being a traumatic shock and awakening which causes deep grief.
EVERY dream feels/seems as if it is the first. That is just too overwhelming to live with.

The first couple of years, if I dreamt of Cliff I often would wake up sobbing. Cliff died in our bed, too. He woke me up gasping and I thought it was his sleep apnea and I tried to wake him, but then realized it wasn't his sleep apnea, he was dying. He took his last breath in my arms with me screaming for him not to go. For a long time I could not sleep in our bed, and I never could sleep on his side of the bed.

One of the things that helped me was to change our bedroon so that it became "my" bedroom. I needed a respite from it. I changed out all the linens and artwork, and even the lamps, and then I started to sleep better. Something weird subconsciously, I think, that happens when you are so used to seeing someone somewhere and then suddenly they are no longer part of the "landscape", as it were. I think that subconsciously I was expecting Cliff to be there, and it didn't appear right him not being there. That anxiety didn't start to shift until I changed our room. You might try that and see if it helps.

I still dream of him, and sometimes I am trying to get him to stay, but he tells me can't. Sometimes now when he shows up in my dreams he looks so damned gorgeous and healthy and wonderful that I don't want him to go, but he says he can't stay. I wake up from those glad he stopped by but so disappointed even though I know it was only a dream.

I have had many, many dreams of Cliff over the years. Thankfully, I don't usually have the nightmares anymore - those were really horrible. Sometimes the dreams are just mundane stuff - like yours of him bumping around in the dream. Sometimes they have been strange, sometimes anxiety dreams especially about our sons, sometimes he says nothing, sometimes we don't speak or touch, sometimes he smiles, sometimes he ignores me. And every once in a blue moon, they are erotic(!) dreams. It's been a real mixed bag. The weirdest ones were the ones where I was visiting him in "the House of the Dead" - that's what it was called in the dreams - and everyone we had lost was there wandering around from room to room while I sat and talked with him.

I am sorry yours have been so upsetting. My suggestion would be to try to rearrange things in your room or sleep in a different room a couple nights to see if that makes any difference. Are you sleeping okay otherwise? I.e., enough hours and during a reasonable portion of the day (as opposed to 2 hours in the afternoon or something)?

You were together a very long time, it's not simple to let go of that "norm" which I get completely - we were together 30 years, it was hard to adjust. I still have to battle with my anxiety sometimes, because at times I am afraid I will die the same way, and it makes me frightened to go to sleep. At that point, I have to do some serious self-talk and calm myself down. It sucks, but it is nowhere near as bad as it was the first couple of years.

I hope you get some decent rest tonight.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

yes Martha, I am getting enough sleep, but only because of meds :-/I I would literally be a zombie if it wasn't for them.
It is probably way past 'time' for me to change the room. I have to get rid of his things anyway. it is hard facing that because well, you know. I don't have to say. After the sorting and tossing, I will probably discard the dresser drawer set, (with the help of some men) and move a smaller bedroom set, from a spare room into ours.
Thank you so much for sharing.
Barb.

I too have dreams of my honey that are so real, that I get up looking for him. I can't bear the fact of getting rid of his clothes. I know I should do it, but it's only 9 months. I am not ready. Maybe subconsciously I think he will come home

Dear Barb, It does sound like you have a powerful association with the bed and the whole experience of how he passed in it. So cliffskat"s suggestions should help you hopefully. I actually have had no dreams yet about my husb. Though I think he appeared to me on waking one morning. It's been 2 months. So I would cherish any dreams that I got. Your subconscious knows what happened. Memories are subconscious. Were you having so many dreams of him before he died? This proves it knows. So it seems your subcon is just trying to bring him back to you at night, as a way to comfort you. Maybe if you view it this way it can help. I know what it's like to wake up afraid and then be submerged into the grief of the reality. We probably all do. So it's nothing uncommon but part of the affliction of loss. My mother especially and others I've lost were for a long time alive in my dteams. But it has dissipated, and it probably will for you when you're ready...btw what is your belief of what happens to the dead?

A long time lady friend of ours (35 years) that had lost her husband gave me the best advise I received. She told me to simply ask my deceased wife not to (visit) me again as it was killing me. Some how, it seemed to have worked. The dreams were good, but waking up to reality was a nightmare.

to vwidow , Since you asked in forum: I believe that my husband has gone to be with the Lord (his spirit), as he consistently said: "to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord". So I just feel these are dreams. No doubt, the sudden way he passed is very connected. The shock when I awake is inevitable.
No, I did not repeatedly dream of him before he passed.
@ Martha, I don't sleep well on the spare-room mattress. Ours is a therapeutic type which a DR recommended. (it still greatly improves sleep, after surgery solved my pain). Unfortunately, it is king size, so buying a smaller one is in mind, for when I downsize to move.
I will work toward changing the room etc., and other things before bed. The dreams have increased, just as every thing is stirred up near the 2nd anniversary.
Thanks to all who replied.
Barb.