Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
One of the first bits of advice I received after losing my husband was to wait a year before making decisions. Of course I didn't listen. Boy am I sorry. I made a lot of dumb decisions, but the one that keeps on paying is buying a dog for my father. Seemed like a good idea at the time, but now the little darling has taken over his house, eating furniture(my first dumb decision. I actually redecorated his entire house, hiring a professional to do it.) and snipping at him. I've tried to get the dog back so that I can train it(dumb decision 2, since I paid over 4000 dollars to have it trained by professionals), but my father won't listen. He loves the dog. It's his first. If I had it to do again, I would have purchased an older dog, one that is already trained. I'd suggested it before purchasing this one, but he said no. Now, I would have insisted.
So ladies and gentlemen are there any decisions you've made that you regret now?
So ladies and gentlemen are there any decisions you've made that you regret now?
I almost made a major regrettable decisionI was going to sell my husband's new 3/4 ton truck that he purchased only four months prior to his sudden death (it was his first new truck; he always had clunkers). It seemed a shame to have it sit in the garage with no one to drive it. Our daughter urged me to reconsider my decision, so I decided to keep it at least through the coming winter months. That evening she even called back to apologize for suggesting something other than what I said I wanted to do. She was concerned that she had overstepped a boundary; however, she had no way of knowing that her clear thinking was far better in that situation than my decision to sell it. I live in the country and have a very long lane. You guessed it! Most of that winter, I couldn't have gotten to the main road had I not had that pickup truck. I'm so grateful for the insightful conversation with that daughter.
I still have that truck, and I put it to good use hauling wood, helping move friends and family, and most importantly having the confidence that when I put that Big Boy in 4-wheel drive, I will have no trouble negotiating snow.
When finding our composure after loss, it's always a good idea to take a deep breath and rethink everything two or three times before taking action! We are so overwhelmed with legalities and decisions that it is truly hard to think straight. TJ
When my daughter, son-in-law and 2 grandkid's move out I've thought about paying my house off but not sure if I should or not.
So I'm thinking about waiting....
That's why I really encourage people to hang onto stuff for awhile and remind them that now it's their stuff. My brother wasn't the only one who drooled over Cliff's tools, either. It was amazing how many people were hoping to get his/my/our stuff cheap in consequence of my loss.
It's terrible, but people do try to take advantage of you!
I am planning on waiting for at least a year before I make any big decisions also. I have considered getting a dog for the company, but not sure if that would be so wise. I have two homes and am often traveling a lot between them.
Also, I think I may want to travel again. Bob and I loved to travel, but just haven't gotten up the desire or the nerve to do one by myself.
One big thing I did do, was take the Life Insurance money, and paid off our home. I felt that is what Bob would have wanted me to do.
But, I feel like I am still pretty lost and find myself making silly mistakes, or misplacing things. So, this is evidence to me that I am clearly not prepared to do anything big!!
Sometimes I feel like I am such an "airhead". Guess it is part of the "Widow's Fog", as Dianne shared with me the other night.
Linda
I have passed the year mark and still am faced with some decisions that I am not quite sure about so when you don't know what to do...do nothing.
God will show me my answers in His own good time. For now I am learning patience.
Linda
I just interviewed a woman to clean my house once a month. Twice a month would have been better, but I was afraid of the expense.
Somebody has to vacuum and dust around here and it has not been me!