Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Death & Dying
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Wack-o Dreams

NewRoadsForMe
NewRoadsForMe
I've never been much of a believer in dreams, as far as them having meaning. However,I've been having some real doozies lately and cannot for the life of me figure out what is going on in my subconcious mind.

I do not want to date or marry again. I am OK where I am.

Why, then, am I dreaming about every guy I ever knew that I dated? It's not lovey/dovey stuff, it's like seeing him pass by in the airport, or across the room at a party. Last night I dreamed I was in a "hover round" wheelchair of sorts, out in the street at a red light. When I turned left on the green light, a cop came and ticketed me for not using my turn signal. The "cop" was a girl from work with whom I have a bad relationship and I just tolerate her obnoxious ways. I've been retired for 2 yrs. Ahead of me in traffic was my first husband(divorced from) driving a nice car and saying "Hi".

I definitely DO NOT want another man, so why am I dreaming of them and other people from my past? I wear my wedding rings and Joe's wedding ring on my left index finger. I am sick of meeting people in my dreams that have NO bearing on my life ?????
Lininsocal
Lininsocal
In your dreams you are trying to fill the void we are unable to fill while atwake...yet even in dreams you are frustrated by the fact that they can't be filled.....either that or stop eating those tomato's and chocolate fudge ice cream late at night....
Community LeaderShrn
Shrn
Your life has been turned upside down and inside out. The consistancey you believed in your life has disappeared. The most important person to you is no longer here and you are alone. I never realized with children, grandchildren, and great friends I could feel so alone. I think your subconscience mind is searching for something that is safe and secure. You need to know that there are still constants in your life. For me that constant is God. My faith in His plan is stronger than my life as it is now. Sharon
Community Leadermarjoe
marjoe
Oh, my dear - I think over the past 3 years I've dreamt about every one I ever knew in my life, including past boyfriends. Not to mention when I used to wake at 1 a.m. and toss and turn, and run through my whole life in my head in like 10 minutes. My therapist said something interesting to me that first year - that everyone in my dreams is actually me. So I guess my subconscious, in trying to make sense, was running through the past at warp speed. It's ok, really it is. Sometimes when they're really vivid, I try to write them down the next day, and sometimes an aha moment comes while doing so. I know it's unsettling.
leminmpls
leminmpls
There is an entire cottage industry devoted to dream interpretation - and still I don't think anyone really knows what they mean ;-)

I believe dreams are a way for the mind to do its own type of data analyzing - kind of like overnight IT maintenance. Maybe part of your "hard drive" needs to be "unfragmented". So at night, your IT mind is busy fixing things. The people you mentioned who visited have had a bearing on your life though mostly your past life - perhaps your dreams are a way for your mind to overwrite what's on the hard drive...
Nicker07
Nicker07
My two cents which is what its worth:
I think the loss by death of a life you thought you would have until your death alerts our brains - causing us subconsciously to analyze what coulda maybe woulda been, looking to see in our lives what we shoulda changed for the better perhaps.

Sorta like a rewind on certain situations that have bugged us such as an ex, old obnoxious co worker, bad Mother in law whatever or whomever.

I do not think we would have such rewinds if we were still married and doing our normal life things. I truly think Our loss makes us look at them now. For whatever reason as we certainly can not do anything about them now.
Truhal
Truhal
Here's my spin on it: The men you are meeting in your dreams represent the life you may have had if you'd not met your husband. Being in the hover represents a sort of fork in the road. The red light represents danger; you're in your hover, but you're in the middle of the street. You turn right(away from your first husband) but there is someone(the cop) who penalizes you for it. Had you gone straight, you would still be with your first husband, a man who is alive and doing well financially.

I think your brain is processing this while you're asleep. Your husband's passing represents the pain of his passing. The men you talk about(though not desirable) represent the other roads you may have taken, all leading away from the pain of death.

I could be wrong of course.
NewRoadsForMe
NewRoadsForMe
These are all interesting responses to my dreams. I think there is merit in all your ideas. Thanks for giving your take on things, as I feel like I am just nuts.....!