Marie, my heart goes out to you. Please don't feel that your life is over. If there is a grief recovery group in your city (perhaps through a church or local organization) you might find comfort there. A friend of mine whose husband died suddenly after 8 yrs. of marriage was referred by her dr. to a group at a church here. She was very aggravated and did not want to go. However, after a couple of times she realized it was helping her, and she made some good friends. I hope you feel better soon!
Doye

Marie - I don't know what to tell you. I still am wondering why I had to give my husband up even though he was 75 1/2. Both his parents lived longer than he did and I thought I would have him longer. None of it makes much sense to me.

I am hoping for a time when it won't be so painful and I can just be glad for the blessing of having him as long as I did.

Please come and post on this forum whenever you need to. I have been doing that and I feel like it helps.

Marie..I don't know why and I don't know if God does choose who he takes. Don't even know if I believe in God anymore. The pain is intense in your post. I don't have any answers, just to say we are here and if we can help we will. Love and hugs, Cindy xxoo

I wonder the same thing. I don't know WHY this had to happen. It really sucks though. I can't imagine, don't want to imagine my life without my husband, yet I have been thrown into this hell hole. Hang in there. Hugs. Shawn

Marie, I can feel your pain and I wish I knew what I could say that will sound meaningful to you. All the usual things people say to us seem hollow and useless. All I can say is what worked for me: take it one minute at a time, keep breathing, and hang on. It is true that the pain becomes easier to handle as time goes by, although we will always wonder why!

I lost my husband of 43 years, my dad the same year. I know that God does not pick this one or that one, our bodies give out or we have a terrible accident and this can happen to anyone at any age. I believe in God and if it wasn't for my faith I don't know what else would keep me going. Being grief stricken is so very painful, I have other health issues and they cause me termendous pain. I would like to have just a sliver of hope, just a tiny bit of happiness again. I don't think that is too much for anyone of us to ask for.
Pat

Yes, he does seem to take the best. And my husband was the better of the two of us. The only positive in this is that I am here left to deal with the pain of losing my perfect companion. Better me then him.

Its almost a year for me now.....and I still ask "Why"....and I dont seem to get an answer.......it will remain a mystery, Marie...
BUT whatever it is, you have to remain strong.....I know its easier said than done but you have to ...we all here are trying and trying, some will succeed earlier some later and some still in the process......so, hang on there Marie...have faith and continue praying.......
Love n Hugs,
Dane

I ask myself the same questions...why, how can this be...I don't think I will EVER understand.

I'm sorry you're in such pain. We all ask 'why?' We want it all to make sense. We want to find a 'cause and effect' answer so we can grasp it and solve it - on some level we think if we can do that we can change what's happened. But there is no answer to 'why' and you will make yourself crazy as long as you keep asking that question. It's really hard to accept that there is no answer to that question.

For now, try asking instead 'what can I do today to make my life just a little better?' Not what will make it perfect and wonderful and happy again - just what can I do with today to make it a tiny bit better.

A grief group and counseling would probably help a lot, and I know counseling helped me a lot.

It wasn't "God's will" and this is not a punishment for anything you or your husband did. Don't ever believe that.

I hope you feel a little better soon. Love and Hugs, Martha

Marie, I too ask that question. It is so frustrating to think that we will never know the answer. It will be only 3 months for me next week. I am still trying to justify that I have to keep moving forward, but somehow I am doing it. I have met many wonderful people here, and hope this place can help you a little. Hugs, Patti

Marie,
I'm sorry that you are having such bad days. It's a rough place that we are now in. I can't say that I'm not better, I am, but I have very rough times. I know this is how it's going to be and it will become less with time, but it sure isn't easy now.

I find that if I can talk, talk, talk to others that are recent widows helps me much more than talking to those that have been widows longer. Sharing this pain with someone in the same stage now is much more helpful than someone telling me, it gets better with time. I really thought that the holidays were going to be the worst of this, but I have found that they were just bad days among many bad days.

Don't except too much from yourself. But do try to do something productive. This winter weather is not helping either, being coped up, no sunshine, long nights, it's very depressing when we are alone. You may try to find a friend and treat yourself and her to a meal, a movie, whatever you think you would like. I went last weekend with a friend to eat and I talked, she listened, it helped. Didn't make it leave, but helped. It a long road and it ain't easy but together, we'll handle it. Hugs, Take care.
Kathy

I agree with Cliffkat. There is no answer to the why question & trying to find one will just make you crazy. I've been over it & over it. I even went so far as to put all the hospital papers in chronological order to see if there was any amount of time I could have been doing something different to save my husband. There wasn't. If medical professionals couldn't save him, what makes me think I could?
But I wanted to save him, even when it was too late to I still wanted to.
We don't stop caring for them just because they're gone, but please don't blame yourself or try to attach any meaning to it. Bad things just happen & noone deserves this. Noone!

Hugs & prayers for strength,
Cyndi

I don't think there is an answer to that question. I have never heard even one person come up with a reason. I don't think God picks and chooses, I think He cares about our grief. This has been the hardest thing that I have ever had to walk through. Sometimes all we can do is cry. My heart goes out to you. Hang in there and hold on.

I feel so much for your pain. Let it out..it hurts so much. I too have felt sometimes it really is unbearable. I pray for you to have new strength each day.

Kathy