I don't think there is an "easier"; for each of us it's different. My girlfriend says that a certain sense of "calm" comes over her when she visits the grave. For me, the memories and sadness comes in waves but doesn't linger as much as it used to.

You see in each of our heads are the reasons/quirks/fears and trepidations for why we react the way we do! For some it just brings back horrible memories, for others it's peaceful and calming.

After my father passed my mother NEVER went to his grave, she insisted that he wasn't there!

Roz

easier?? Visiting the cemetery is never easy for me. I avoid going as much as I can as it brings back memories from that horrible day. Not once I seat there and think about the good times we have together. My husband died 20 months ago and I think I have been to the cemetery maybe 7 times only.

I go to the cemetery, which is near my home and on my way to work, about once a week. Steve died sixteen months ago, and I used to go more frequently just to put flowers on his unmarked grave. Then I designed and ordered a headstone which was installed last November. I find it comforting to go visit the grave. Not that I think I have to be there to talk to him, but it does give me comfort to be at this place which is a physical reminder of his life.

The cemetery is old and peaceful, with grass and trees. Wild deer can be seen sometimes and I think about Steve's love of nature. Strangely, I don't linger for long when I visit. I say hi, and tell him I miss him, and something good about the family, then touch the ground there and leave. Just my little ritual, I guess.

I go, but not often, I feel him more here at our home and in my heart.

I never felt Cliff at the cemetery, at least not since the funeral. It was during one of the prayers at the graveside service that I felt his spirit break free and leave. I have never felt him there. Our sons never felt him there, and it just made them upset to be there. He was buried just a couple blocks from our home, and we passed the cemetery almost daily -- either on the way to work or school or shopping. We hardly ever went there though as we never felt as though that's where he was. We felt him a lot around the house, and there was a lot of flukey things that happened in the house -- lights that would come on and off, fans that would go on and off, and we just got used to saying, 'Must be Dad again....'

I know my Mom rarely went to the cemetery, too, after my father died. Maybe it depends on what your family's practices are/were.

If it just upsets you, then perhaps there is a better way to honor and remember him. Maybe you need a different spot for a memorial, or plant a tree in his honor, or something like that. Just a thought....

Love and Hugs,
Martha

Brian has been gone for four years too. When he first passed, I visited the cemetery weekly as I pass it twice a day on my way to and from work. Gradually, over the years it has become easier to visit him there. I talk to him now whereas in the beginning I would only cry. I don't stay long when I visit and I visit less now than early in this journey. I visit about once a month. I make sure he has a nice seasonal arrangement on his headstone and that the headstone is free of debris or grass.

I don't think he is really there, but it feels like a physical place for me to visit. I will continue to visit him there as I know there are other family members who visit. This may sound strange, but I want the headstone to look nice for visitors. I know that would be important to him.

Nessie from KY

I don't go often as I just find it to hard. I doubt it will ever get easier.

Because of my personal beliefs I don't have a connection to burial sites. My husband was, to me, his life not his death. Did I reach this point in the early days, no. My head knew what I believed, but my heart held close everything that reminded me of him. Visit on days it feels right and if it doesn't help you that's okay too. Sharon

My husband was retired military. We honored his life with a military funeral and burial in a National Cemetery. I don't go there often, but when I do,, there is an incredible feeling of peace.

I don't believe that my husband is anywhere but in my heart, in heaven, watching over me. He was cremated and his ashes are in his music room, which he loved and spent the most time. I don't think of his ashes as him either. His soul left his body, when he died, all that remained was the vessel he lived in. Just what I believe. The grave is a good place, to honor someone, and one day, I may have him buried or we may be buried together. A headstone, saying we lived, are all that's needed. Our history, here on earth.

Like so many others, I visit the grave site but do not feel her presence (there). I talk to her at home & all the "signs" have been there also... I do make sure to periodically place new flowers at the site just out of respect I guess....Why would she hang out there if I am here?

I agree with those who say he is not there

I agree with reply 10.Just a thought: You might like to set aside a small space in your home where you can light a candle and maybe keep a photo.

I'm with those who believe they aren't there at the cemetary. Capri's ashes are buried in her hometown, 250 miles from here. I've been back twice since the burial, once to set the marker and last month on the 1 year anniversary of her death. Don't know if I'll ever visit again. Though it's a beautiful place, very peaceful, there's no sense of her presence there. Visiting for me is just to painful. I have friends who visit often. They decorate for holidays, birthdays, etc. and often the whole family comes out and spends time there together. Works for them. Not for me but to each his own.
John

Thank you for your input. It's not that I feel him there but it is the place that makes his death real to me if that makes any sense. I go whenever I feel like I need to, I just wish that the sad memories would fade faster than the happy ones.