I totally understand what you mean by a third leg but feeling grateful. I went camping with family a little while back. I went through the motions of going but to say I enjoyed not really. You just dont feel complete when your spouse is not there. That is the life we knew.
Yet you are grateful family is trying to include you. Birthdays are definitely tough times. Again a way of life we once knew is no longer . Sending you a big hug as you work your way through October.
Gerald

Sounds like you have a supportive family that is trying to include you in on things and that is important. Whatever the activity, it always seems to feel awkward as we are missing that balance that we no longer have. Whereas I enjoyed doing virtually anything with my partner, now I have to fake it quite a bit and push myself to do anything. This past fourth of July get-together I kept falling asleep for instance. I can see where it would be easy for total inertia to take over where I'd hardly ever leave the house. In that fire for life that always was constant, by pilot light seems to keep going out. It is a constant effort to keep lighting it and keep it lit.

I understand what you are saying. This pass summer both my ILs and my family had many events. The very first one that I attended was for my nephew and his wife. They were having guess the sex of the baby party. I was not going to attend the party. But this young couple had a baby girl that died last year. Last year my husband stayed by our nephew's (his father died Jan. 2102) side until the baby died. I knew that my husband would have been very happy to hear about the new baby and he would want me attend. When I walked in the room everyone looked at me. At first I felt very uncomfortable. Then I realized that how hard it was for me to be there, it must have been just as hard for his family. This would be the first time that my IL would see me without their brother. My Il laws have had to many deaths, a BIL Jan 2012, a niece June 2012, a sister Dec2012, a brother April 2013 and my husband. The remaining 6 siblings have been trying to keep the family together.
Depending on how I am feeling I still pick and chose the events that I will attend. When I attend events for my ILs I try to remember the grief that they are going through.
This October was the first time that my grandson celebrated his (15th) birthday without his grandpa . I told him that we would start a new tradition. My grandson and I would spend one day together (yes I took him out of school and I took the day off of work ) he could pick out a gift and then we would invite his brother and father for dinner. That is just what we did. We had a great day shopping, going for a walk and just laughing.
Events and celebrations are going to happen and they will change, sometime the changes are easy sometimes they are hard.
November to March will be hard ones for me, Birthdays, Christmas and New Years.