Your very strong, I can't even face vacations yet for the very reasons you've mentioned, but I suppose I'll have to confront it sometime. The bitterness is perfectly natural, things just aren't supposed to be this way, it wasn't in the plan.

Capri always loved going to the beach. She had a facination or maybe an obsession with it. That place, that edge, where the known meets the unknown. We went there often. Our last trip together was to SouthPadre island. The memories of sitting ther in the sand with our feet just in the waters edge. We first met and feel in love at another beach. She was in the water with several friends, lost her footing as a big wave passed and got caught up in the outgoing current. I was hanging out with my friends further out, saw her struggling and grabbed her as she went by. She always told people about how I saved her but I've always felt that she was the one that saved me. I went back to that beach recently. I guess I was looking for her there but all I found was myself, standing there at the edge of the unknown, with her, unseen, somewhere over the horizon.

My therapist asked me to plan and take a vacation somewhere I've always wanted to go. Always loved central and South America and have wanted to visit Argentina. I've decided on destinations there but Ihaven't hadthe strength yet to make the reservations. I'll get there, just not yet. Baby steps again.

My Tim always wanted to go to MN to see his family on vacations. I resisted so much that we didn't go as much as he would like. He always said he didn't want to go back just for a funeral. Well as it turned out he did have to go back just for a furneral, his own.
I have been back twice since and plan on going back in Sept again.
His uncle passed a couple days after him, but because of having to transport Tim body to MN for CA his uncles funeral was before his. Last time I was in MN his aunt and I discussed how Ive been back more now since I lost my Tim.
In retrospect I think I go so much now because it makes me feel closer ti Tim. Being around the farm where he grew up.
Hugs, Sandi

Kate don't feel bad, it happens to many of us. i was a recluse for months. But an illness for me, changed my thinking. It still hurts to see others so happy, but now I also feel grateful that they don't know this pain...and I hope they remain ignorant for a long time.

My inlaws always took my kids to Myrtle Beach at the end of the school year. I was never able to go because of work and my husband wouldn't go because he didn't want to be away from me. This year they asked me to go and my kids begged that I go with them so I did. I cried, at night sitting on the balcony. I would go and sit out there after everyone had gone to bed and miss him so much. I think it's normal. I don't like being around couples right now because it hurts. I hope it will get easier with time. HUGS