Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

3,758 Members
19,465 Posts
0 Online
Death & Dying
/ Widows & Widowers Support Group

Update and check in

hfire76
hfire76

Reading through the posts I see many new names and some old familiar names here. I have not checked in for awhile but thought tonight would be a good opportunoty.


For those new and those older who slightly remember me, my name is John and I lost my wife to a 5 week battle with cancer. She passed on Jan 24th 2016. I am raising three wild I mean great young adults who really make up my world. The four of us survived the first year without Meredith, they have all their limbs and hair and teeth. I well I am still bald rofl.


I have learned a lot about myself over the course of the last year and have even stepped up to help admin groups on Facebook for Widows and Widowers. I found a strength inside me that has convinced me life will be fine and even shown me that we will win this battle. I came to a turning point in January after the one year anniversary of her passing where I realized an eye opening idea.

hfire76
hfire76
I realized that I will always love my wife and that I was no longer in love with her as it was an action that can not be returned. This changed my whole view on life and allowed me to be emotionally freed from the guilt I carried for so long.

Sorry I had to leave a comment to finish I can't go back and edit and some how it posted before I was done writing lol.
raininseattle
raininseattle
I like the thinking. So love is partitioned into a permanent sentiment whereas being in love is a way of living, and the two can go concurrently and separately.
emerald15
emerald15
Hi John, Funny how I've been on this website off and on past two years, and just now saw your first post today. Yes, a lot of people have come and gone, hopefully to a happy life. It is always comforting and welcoming to hear from our long time friends on here, still hanging on like me, a comfort place to go to and talk to dear friends who are going through this same journey. All I can say is "what a trip." I believe "love" and "being in love" are one in the same, because you love that person so much, and devotion and loyalty together also. So here on earth together in love physically, is so different than loving someone still when they are in spirit. Just the memories of love, I guess, but the wondering of their spiritual love that exists within my husband, John, with me. That's all I can seem to understand. Thanks for the interesting, thoughtful post. Take care.
Hugs, Nanette
AfterMom
AfterMom
I think we lost many members from the forum site changes.
Glad to see you are doing well, John.
You are blessed to have kids at home. For one thing, you are very Needed.
I really miss that., except with my dog ;-) she does need me, and that has kept my head above water more than once.
scottito
scottito
Hi John. Glad to read my friend is alive and kickin'. I've said before the utmost awe I have for those challenged to suffer this grief while raising children dependent upon you. Can't imagine how it can be done. But love gives us the power to do the impossible. You will wear a crown one day Brother. Her most entrusted job she trusted with you. And you know she is cheering you on every step of the way. Take care. ~~~ Scottie
hfire76
hfire76
@Scottie There have been days this last year i think her and God are up there laughing so hard at me.

I will never be perfect at raising the kids but I will do my best. Even if it provides comic relief to everyone else lol
Posts You May Be Interested In
  • cedarbrooke

    As I Get Older....

    Posted by: cedarbrooke
    Last Reply: JazzyLady
    4
  • billwfriend

    I cannot get a cut and paste to post

    Posted by: billwfriend
    Last Reply: cedarbrooke
    5
    Old Hillbilly Wisdom:Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.Keep skunks, bankers, and politicians at a distance.Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.Words that soak into your ears are whispered, not yelled.The best sermons are lived, not preached.If you don't take the time to do it right, you'll find the...