Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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shewearsblack17
shewearsblack17

After a fairly good day, I got an email from a friend in the Midwest.  First she asked me what age had to do with anything. Then she very bluntly asked me who was going to take care of me when I am old!  It was her ploy to persuade me to move back, I guess.  I am not that old, and seem to be in fairly good health, so I was slightly offended by her question. Didn't she contradict herself?  She's in the same position I am in.  She's not a widow, but she's in her 70s (older than I am). Her kids live up here, so why isn't SHE moving back? This sort of reminded me of being asked if I had a plot.  Maybe that is what gave her the idea to say what she did.  Plus she is taking care of HER mom.  If we all focused on getting older, in addition to all the grieving we do, we would be miserable, wretched creatures, more so than we already are.  I don't know what to title this, so I guess it will be untitled.  Or Anyone Getting Younger?

nancy6464
nancy6464
it's funny, everyone means to be supportive, I truly believe but it's amazing some of the things they say.

sigh

triple hugs
raininseattle
raininseattle
I guess the advice she gave is based on her putting herself in your position at her age and not yours. Also the comment is based on the experience of her taking care of her mother. She could see she will be in her mother's position one day.
shewearsblack17
shewearsblack17
The reality is that the grim reaper doesn't only target the elderly. My brother was only 19. And I'll leave it there.
babochka
babochka
I don't want to be taken care of when I am old.
If I cannot take care of myself when I am old, there are means to end this.
scottito
scottito
Looking back, fear of dying all alone was an invisible motivator for my urgency to try and fabricate a new life. I couldn't see it that way at the time of course, but do now. Shortly before Thanksgiving, the docs thought I was having a heart attack. Sent me to local ER. And then they gurneyed me in an ambulance to the heart specialists in the big city. Other than being born, truly that was my first hospitalization ever. All alone. I had peace about it. If it was my time, I was okay with that. I was diagnosed with a perfect heart. Not many around that have the luxury of knowing that. And you know, more and more I enjoy my alone time. Guard it actually. Somehow, I was able to seemlessly transition out of a very destructive something with a biker-chick wanna-be to a very positive relationship with the ER nurse that checked me in. We see each other when our schedules allow. Just enjoying each other's company. It's a small circle, but a good one. But we both want and need our alone time. At nearly 60 year old, I'm good with separate residences. My alone time with just me and my dog Blue helps keep me centered, and focused on my job when I need to work. I faced that dying alone fear head-on, and it was real. I'm good if that is where I end up. I'd rather be there for the death of someone I loved, comforting them in their time of need. Better purpose for me, anyway. ~~~ Scottie
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