There certainly are triggers, unexpected or expected. On Saturday, I spent a great evening with friends, I enjoyed myself but when I was driving back, an ambulance crossed my way and I started crying and crying because it reminded me the night I called the emergency services when my husband was not breezing properly and I went with him in the ambulance and we crossed part of London with the sirens at full blast. He never came back home. I do not cry each time I hear an ambulance but I did on Saturday.

Other unexpected triggers are seeing older couples holding hands, driving back home alone from the cinema, sometimes listening to music. It does not always happen but sometimes.

I still cannot see any pictures of my husband and I being happy. It will take more time. It will be a year next week but the triggers are still there.

Big hug to you.

It feels like I have had a thousand unexpected triggers - the strangest little things will do it. A song, a scent, a book, even a cup of coffee can do it - so many different things. It's what happens when you share a life. I have 30 years of shared life with Cliff, and some of that is still going of course because I have our boys - they are each like him in different ways. The older one and I were talking last week, and he stood there with his hand in his pocket gesturing with the other hand and it was exactly as his Dad used to. It was hard keeping it together at that point. It made me happy and sad at the same time.

I understand what you're saying. How did I find peace? I try to look at the positive in it as much as I can. These things are often bittersweet.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

I read your post just before I had to leave to pick up my son from school and when I got in the car the song "forever" by Kenny Loggins came on the radio, a song I hadn't heard for years. I started crying because the words really convey how I feel about missing my husband, I like to see it as a sign from him that he knows how I'm feeling. Songs are definitely triggers but anything can be, like cliffskat said, when you share a life with someone. I try to just let myself feel what I'm gonna feel.

My husband was watering the peonies just before he left on the deadly overseas trip. He told me how relaxing it was for him to be watering his flowers. The peonies bloomed before he left and the following summer. My surprising thing is that the outdoor orchid also bloomed beautifully after he died. I didn't really take care of the orchid. I even deliberately not water it. I have moved all his indoor orchids to my new cottage and a few of them are budding now. These are his favorite plants. I have the memories of picking off the orchids, putting them on my hair and the bridesmaids hair on our daughter's wedding day. He smiled and let us keeping picking them off his plants. I now take comfort to see them bloom for him and for me.

Like papagena seeing couples holding hands is a huge trigger for me. I try and be happy for them but it is such a huge reminder of what I miss so much. Even today when walking the dog in the park it hit again. Less painful but still very much there. I think the lilacs were a very powerful trigger because there was a story attached to them. Truthfully I think we have to expeieince the pain to work through it. I looked for a way around and there isnt one. About a week ago I was in the grocery store and they played a theme song to a James Bond movie over the speaker system. James Bond was my wife's favourite movies. That was a trigger I didnt see coming. Wishing you peace. Gerald

The strangest things are triggers for me. Usually something small. Last night I had my first ever massage. When I got into the car afterwards I was thinking how wonderful it was, but that my husband never had that experience, and I cried all the way home. And it seems that everyplace I go has memories of him going there with me. For 6 months I had the hardest time just getting groceries, because so much of what I used to buy I got for him in case he might want it. Now I try to skip those aisles. I had to learn ways to trick myself to avoid some triggers.

The hardest trigger for me was just after my husband died my oldest son sent me an e-mail with his name on it. My oldest son is named after his dad. We always called my son Ronnie and his dad to me was Ron. Since my oldest son moved out west. His friends started to call him Ron. The e-mail sender read from Ron. For one moment in time I thought that the e-mail was from my husband. My husband always sent me e-mail. Once reality set in I cried & cried. I never have told any one about this event. But as I think back on it I still cry. My oldest son is just like his dad. He looks and acts just like him. I wish that my son lived closer to me. I know that will never happen. He has is own life out West. Good friends, good job and happy.

Thanks for sharing your difficult moments, and ideas on how to cope with these triggers. Much appreciated.
Robert

Couples riding on a motorcycle always make me catch my breath. The feeling that it was suppose to be us comes to mind, but with the passing of time I no longer cry but say a quiet prayer that they appreciate the gift of each other. Sharon

Not knowing what was being shown, I was watching the travel channel and seeing where we spent our honeymoon. We cruised to the Mexican Riviera. After watching the program I pulled out our pictures and went back to a much happier time. We were together 36 years.
I didn't cry surprisingly, I smiled. Watching how much in love we were, it was magic.

Definitely have triggers. Some happy ones where all I can do is smile. And some not so happy that will bring tears to my eyes!! Sometimes I am able to take a deep breath and go on. And sometimes I just have to stop and have a good cry.

There are many things that triggers our brain to connect with what it was and what we lost. Up to this day, there hasn't been one day that has passed in which his not in my mind. I may be able to listen to a favorite song of his and it seems okay and then there are moments that the same song brings me do much pain. Therefore, I come to realize that depending on my emotions is how theses unexpected triggers affect me.

I was looking for a recipe in my stack of recipes that I have printed out over the years and came across one for an Italian dish that we just loved from a restaurant we visited in Sonoma. It just started tears flowing. I think part of it was that I will never go back there with him again.

So many of the responses here resonate. I spent nearly all of my vacation days with Sharry, many of which started with breakfast at our local Perkins. The staff got to know us by name over the years. I can't bear to go back there, at this point anyway. They have this huge flag that towers over the entire block where the restaurant is located. Anytime I'm on that side of town, it waves at me saying, to quote Edgar Allan Poe: "Nevermore".

Reading all the triggers others are having makes me realize I am not alone in my feelings - I find myself being extremely "jealous-not a nice word" but true - of my friends who are still enjoying their daily lives in the company of their husbands while I sit alone and lonely. Jack and I would always come up with something to keep us busy, and most of the times together - This lovely house I live in has become a place I no longer enjoy coming back to - it no longer feels like home - gosh, how can the death of one person cause you to feel your life is also over, but you must be here to endure it. i would like to think that someday I will really laugh again or being with a group of people and feel happy and alive. If anyone one of you have experienced this please send me the "recipe" for change. Wish we could all meet somewhere in the middle and just zap questions and answers to each other. Thank you all for listening to me because today has not been my best day. I hate kissing a picture, I want my main man back in the flesh. Sending you all my love, appreciation for listening and also a bunch of hugs
Agnes