Joe I think their heart is in the right place but not their mind, I would just tell them your not ready for something like this and they should understand. Try and forgive them.

All of us here understand how you feel and no one should rush you into another relationship. Take care of yourself.

Robert

I don't get upset over things like this. They don't know! They see you lonely and upset, they think they can help. Until you have experienced this kind of loss you have no idea, what its like. I said I'm sorry for your loss so many times, I had no CLUE. just tell them nicely it may be years, if ever.

That happened to me a few months after my husband died. I would have been angry, but I was too numb at the time too feel anything.

I just found it strange and odd that anyone would think widows and widowers are ready to jump into a new relationship so soon after losing their spouses.

For me it was a friend whose brother-in-law was hanging around her and her husband too much after his wife had died. The poor guy wanted family support, that's all. How hard is that to see? She was so clueless, I didn't bother explaining. At the time I couldn't put two thoughts together, so it would have been too exhausting explaining the moral and emotional aspects of something like that.

My first thought is that this may be the doing of the widowed girlfriend.

At five months, a high school classmate invited me to lunch and later that day to a wedding reception. I did not see it as "a date" but rather as a very sweet man trying to coax me out of seclusion. I was very grateful to him and I actually had a wonderful time! Since then, we chat on the phone about once per month and a few weeks ago,I accompanied him to his son's engagement party. It is all very casual but his attention (even though I am not interested in anything more than friendship) brought me back to the land of the living.

They probably are only wanting to introduce you to someone who understands your feelings. Remember, this widow has been hurting just like you. A new friendship might be a nice change for you both. Remember, it's just dinner - and that may be all it ever is. .

I have been friends with a DS member for a while and tried to encourage her after her husband suddenly died. She was totally negative, life was over, had no friends and no suggestion I ever made was helpful (or so I felt). I tried very hard to help her find some peace. we rarely communicate now - BUT she just wrote that someone introduced her to a man and they are becoming friends. He has helped her place her 90 yr. mom in asst. living. She probably doesn't want to marry at this time, but I think the new relationship has brightened her life considerably.

Don't be upset with your friends. They care about you - and her also evidently. I'd go and just enjoy the evening. If you 2 don't hit it off - ok. Remember "nothing ventured, nothing gained." New friends are needed by most of us when we are grieving. Many of our old ones disappear.
Best wishes - and think positively!

Hey Joe,
I understand your feeling anger, but I also believe they were just trying to help. I would hate to see you lose a friendship over a misunderstanding. I would just let them know that it's too soon for you right now. But you appreciate their concern.
They don't feel the same intensity of love for your wife as you do so it is hard for them to get it until they go thru it.
Take care.
Peace, TIm

Haven't had to deal with that yet,

I think 'd treat it as a Victorian Social 'balancing the numbers" where equal numbers are required. Ages/relationships don't matter, as long as the numbers match up.

Putting the best appearance on it that way, it lets the guys & gals talk to each other without anyone left out, and makes pairs for card games (isn't that a thought from how my parents socialized!).

I'd feel strange getting set up with a gal that way socially, and tempted to decline myself - just trying to put the best face on it as any 'social" companion is likely to be widowed or divorced at my age.

Joe,

Though I understand the thought of going to an intimate dinner with a woman right now is upsetting, I wonder if this is what your friends really have in mind. Maybe they are just offering you a chance to meet someone who can relate to what you are going through better than they can....

Maybe you are thinking that they want you to try to replace your wife with someone else.....

And they are thinking that they are seeing two people that have both suffered a heart wrenching loss that can validate each other's loss and provide the understanding that others cannot.

Only you know what is best for you.... And if it would feel too uncomfortable for you... Then let them know.

However, I wouldn't be quick to believe the motive was to matchmake so that you both could replace your respective spouses.

Robyne

Joe,
They are inviting you to dinner. Go and eat, ask for the leftovers too.
It's not a date, It's dinner with someone who know the hurt better than your friends.

Joe, I totally get where you're coming from.

I don't know your friends and don't know what was in their thoughts but I do think they took an extra step without asking you first! I don't believe they meant any harm but it is a bit insulting to just assume where your head is at without consulting you first.

I don't like these kind of surprises and decisions being made on my behalf without giving me a heads-up!

There's a breach in the communications between your friends and you. Be gentle with well-meaning folks.

Warmly,
Roz

Thank you all for your responses. I do believe you are all correct, and my post was a bit harsh. They just got my Irish up. They are very good people and I don't believe they meant any harm. How about if I just say they were misguided. That sounds better.
Joe