Dear DDLW - We each have our own path. Mine? My beloved husband died three years ago from pancreatic cancer. It took me time to recover the ability to see the future, to see that good possibilities can exist. It took me time to be able to look ahead into the future, to care enough to make plans, to find the energy to follow through on the plans. Folks tried to attack our company and steal it. They didn't succeed, but it added a whole other layer of difficulty. I lost the ability to trust for a while. I have recovered much of my optimism, I have recovered the ability to trust (selectively), I do work that matters to me. My life is regaining balance and I have some optimism for the future. This is a quick summary of three years of my path.

I do not know what yours has been, but I can hear that things are tough for you right now. I don't know if anything on my path resonates with your experience. If it does and you want to talk, or even if it doesn't and you want to talk, I am happy to listen.

We all walk our own paths. If you'd like, I can keep an eye out for your posts and listen.

In the meantime, if there is someone who you know cares about you, whether they care deeply or whether they just enjoy saying hi when you drop in for coffee, please reach out to them and let them say hi. We are often not as alone as we think we are.

It would be helpful if there was something you were asking, I guess. I've only seen one other post from you and that didn't seem to invite any response or reply. Your other post was quite long and somewhat confusing. I had to re-read it to try to understand what you were saying happened, and again I couldn't tell what you were looking for other than getting it off your chest, which is okay - it helps to get stuff out there.

Our losses here are from every imaginable cause - from heart attacks to suicide to cancer to freak accidents to murder. You-name-it, someone here has suffered so. Most of the pain is the same, but each has its own peculiar layers on top of it. Long-term caring leaves a different layern than sudden death, which again is different from the anguish of those left behind by suicide or crime.

We do the best we can here to support each other, but sometimes it takes awhile to get to know someone so we can understand what it is you need and how we can be supportive. We're all trying to help while carrying our own burdens, too. It's certainly not perfect, nor complete, but I have found it more helpful than most things.

I'll watch for your posts, too. Hang in there.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

Wow! Martha

I wish I could be more clear but as of today, 4 months and still I know nothing.

I will tell you this and this I do know for a fact. on December 29, 2018 my husband called me at 5.26pm, leavening work . At approximately 9pm I speak with an FBI Agent on the phone , My husband is dead . That's it those are the only facts known to this date. My husband was shot and killed how many time was he shot ,Don't know, why he was killed, Don't know .


Sorry I confused you. Im confused, scared, alone , lost, angry and done . Post short enough? Have a great day

Law enforcement services have victim liaison officers. Have they connected you with someone yet? You should have someone inside that can advocate for you to get your questions answered. Has the medical examiner/coroner issued the death certificate yet? That is another source for information. If Federal officers are investigating the crime, and you aren't getting anywhere, contact your US Congressman. They can intervene.

Hope this helps.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

The FBI gives out no info at all and I do have an advocate through them I also have a tribal advocate who will not answer call or question. Because this is under investigation all reports are on hold till the FBI or prosecutor releases them I did get one report the night it happen I also got his wallet this is where I got the time line from . Some where not happy that I was able to get these I also took pictures of the site that night I don't think they were to pleased with that either death certificate states road rage multilabel gunshot wounds

Have they released his body yet?

What are the advocates telling you? Are they getting any info about when you can expect to have answers?

There are a couple of possible ways to handle this:

(1) is to get an attorney involved to act on your behalf and pressure them into answering your questions, etc. Your local bar association should be able to connect you with someone who can do this, and if you can't pay for one, they should be able to connect you to a "pro bono" attorney. That is someone who will do it for free as a way giving back to the community. Every lawyer does some pro bono work; hopefully they could connect you to someone who has encountered this type of problem before.

(2) if everyone is giving you the runaround, there is always the press. It's unfortunately the kind of story the news people love to get a hold of. This can be helpful sometimes, but can also be a problem if you're not prepared to have reporters on your doorstep.

Do you have any family nearby to support you through this?

Hugs....

I live in Utah, in a small awful town up in the north east corner of the state and although we are in the US this happen on Tribal land, they are their own nation, So they say . I wont or will try not to get into that whole farce. Tribal has their courts for their people when a US citizen is involved in a crime to this degree The FBI comes in and investigates the case . When the FBI investigates a case its a extremally long process and no information is released NONE.


Once the FBI has completed their investigation they present it to the US District Attorney, he then decides if there is enough evidence to prosecute and what charges. I have been informed , this could take years.


I have spoke to attorneys and media, Neither the Tribe or the FBI will give out any info, its all hush hush and the Tribe is not obligated to follow any US laws.


I am not from Utah and I am moving back home this coming week. I have a brother and a son in Nevada and that is where I am from I truly wanted to stay and see this through but this is a small town and I am an outsider . When and it better goes to District Court I will fly back to SLC

If you think this is a lot to take in it doesn't even begin to touch on all that I have been trying to deal with I have not even begun to mourn, the anger and confusion is all I have. I'm fighting , my Bp has sky rocketed I am at the Doctors weekly I hide out in our house, I don't leave our bedroom if I go anywhere I never go alone I am forced to pack and get rid of 80% of everything we worked so very, very hard for .


So if my post are long or hard to understand maybe this will give you a explanation as to why. I am lost and fighting to stay alive he took my husband life with no remorse he will not take mine .

I am so sorry for your loss. If that was me I would be hounding the fbi for info. After all he was your husband and you have a right to know. And I think you ought to get into a grief group. When my husband died I felt like I was going crazy. But once I was in that grief group I soon found out I was not going crazy and that many others felt that way too. You have more to take in and it's a shame someone won't help you with that. Dealing with both issues grief and not knowing what happened would drive anyone crazy. I know it would me. I will say a pray that you get ans.

A few years ago, I attended a conference of the National Organization for Victims Assistance (NOVA), which is a clearinghouse/umbrella organization for victims of crime and their families. They may be able to help you find assistance; it's worth a try. Here is a link:

https://www.trynova.org/help-for-crime-victims/

All the people I met at the conference were genuinely nice and sincere. Check them out. Maybe they can help where others haven't been able to, or at least help you find support while you are wrestling with his all. I hope so.

Love and Hugs,
Martha