A big hug for you, alhart. It is so difficult, isn't it, on these special occasions to have to face the glaring absence of our other half? My husband's name is Alan also and he, too, would have been busy with the services during this week of weeks. He was always asked to be the narrator for at least one of the two long readings of the Passion at church. Even after we moved to another state, that tradition remained. His birthday is also tomorrow and I guess I am finding that somehow appropriate.

I hope that you are able to set aside the past and the future and enjoy a little the present moment of being together with your children and their families. A blessed Easter to you all.

Everyone fears those "firsts"even dread them. Some aren't even holidays, they can be a simple event. One of my fears was going to the accountant for the first time alone. There were always two chairs on the opposite side of his desk and for the very first time, one would be vacant. I did not look forward to that appointment, but I got through it just fine. In fact, I found I had more anxiety before then I did the actual day. I hope you can focus on your visit from your daughters but acknowledging it's presence instead of ignoring it would be ok too.(the elephant) All these things are a part of the process, we can't erase the memories nor do we want to. Learning to live with them and at the same time living in the present and moving forward with our lives is what will happen in time. I think this type of thing is an indicator that we have gotten past the grieving stage. That doesn't mean we forget or even we no longer shed tears, it just means it no longer consumes us and we can function once again.

I know its tough. my husband is missing our sons first easter and I wish he was here to be with us. but I try to incorporate john in all that we do. maybe you can set out a really nice pic of him when everyone is visiting? my kids and I are having a little bday party for my husband on the 28th and a few close friends are coming by to help us celebrate his life...they never met him since he passed right after we moved here, but they hear so many stories they practically know him.

@ karatxmo - lol what you said about telling so many stories about your husband that they feel they know him. It's so true.

My wife's mom died at age forty ( high blood pressure ) when my wife was 20. I met my wife to be two years later. Over the years she told me so many stories about her mom that I can talk to her brothers and sisters about her and they know I "know" her - I can recall stories about her that they had forgotten, lol.

Sorry if it's off topic, but it struck me how much what she said is true.

@alhart - it's ok to talk about him. If something comes to your mind go ahead. Your family will actually be ok with it :)

Bob

alhart, my Tsunami came around the same amount of time as yours is threatening to hit. Let it hit and then become stronger while picking up the pieces. Once I realized that I had to let the emotions come I was able to adapt and earn how to work with them. This is also a hard week for me, My sibling killed someone and then killed himself 10 years ago on the 11th of April but it was also Easter morning and to me Easter is the factor. Tuesday my daughter will turn 21 with knowing that 2 days later on the 24th her dad`s birthday is coming and he won`t be there to celebrate. On the 23rd will be 15 months. Last year DD and I took a trip as it was too much too soon to cope but financially it is not feasible to take a trip every year. Instead we have to learn to cope.
The anticipation is always worst than the actual day. On the actual day I know we will have moments of grieve but that happens regardless. We will also laugh at memories.
It does not have to be "an Elephant in the room " it can be a time to honour and remember. xoxo

It seems like your hanging in there. I like the idea that you are drowning out the negative with the positive "girls coming home for the holiday". The elephant may be in the room, but don't let him sit on you.

The first year is hard. I labeled my first year as "Year of Hell." It's all those "firsts without". You probably don't think it right now, but it seems like your coping with your new transitions pretty good. Better than some others. I detect a glimmer of sunshine, deep inside, that is fighting it's way to the surface. Can you feel it yet? It's there. I can tell by your writings. Hugs.

My thoughts and prayers are with you as you conquer the elephant in the room. Sharon

I think we can all relate. Sorry that so many special dates all hit at once. Seems to work out that way. I'm happy that your daughters will be there with you and that you are attempting to make it positive.

Love Bob's story about remembering stories about his Mother-in-Law that her family had forgotten. How sweet!

I think telling stories about our loved ones helps keep them with us.

Wishing you and your family a blessed and peaceful Easter.