Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

3,758 Members

19,465 Posts

0 Online

Foreverinlove 07/08/2017

I lost my husband of fourth three years Oct. 22, 2016. He collapsed after working on his truck Oct. 18, 2016 and was put life support and hyperthermia to reserve brain function. When he was taken up to ICU he was breathing over the respirator opening and closing his eyes. He was a diabetic and was recently diagnosed with stage three kidney diease so his red blood count remained low and was always cold so I asked them not to put him on the hyperthermia but needless to say they did. Not know much about the treatment I began to research it on the Internet. The patient has no brain activity during the treatment so there was no response from him after the body was cooled. I read an article that John Hopkins published that said doctors are too quick to pull the plug after patients are warmed up that they wait at least seven days. Unfortunately, for me and my two daughters my husband had been warmed only twenty four hours when we were jerked in a conference room and told my husband was brain dead and would be disconnected from life support within twenty four hours. I knew my husband did not want to live hooked up to machines, however, I was going to wait a few days to make sure there was no hope and I would have made the decision on my own. I feel the doctors felt my husband didn't have any quality of life he was only taking Metformin for diabetes, he was very independant and we both loved life together. There are days I cry all day. It is so hard to be considered single after being married for so long. I miss him more than anyone will ever know. He not only was my husband but my best friend and the only one that knew exactly how I felt. My daughters thought it would be better if I moved from our home into another state but to be honest the loss will never go away. I will never remove my wedding rings like most widows. I pray that the Bible is true and I will be in the arms of my husband again one day. He always brought out the best in me and I do thank my Lord and Savor Jesus for giving me such a wonderful husband for an amazing forty three years. God Bless all of you who have lost your spouse.

Msbklyn 07/08/2017

I am so very sorry that you lost your love. This experience is something we are never prepared for. After 21 months I still concentrate on just getting through each day. Thanks to God most days are ok, some not so much. I've learned that bad days will come and I do what I need to do to get through that moment or day. Sometimes tears flow when you least expect it. There is no way to know what each day will bring but time certainly has helped. It's enough to get through each day and let tomorrow take care of itself. I was with my husband for 33 years and married for almost 30. It is so difficult to imagine yourself as single after so many years. I miss him every single moment of every day but have survived and I imagine will continue to do so. I pray you have peace.

Foreverinlove 07/08/2017

Thank you for your kind words. Life is unbearable at times and it's like my husband used to tell me it's easier to die than live. He was cremated and people would probably think I am crazy. I talk to him everyday tell him good morning and good night. On our anniversary I put his remains in bed with me. My daughters wanted to take his remains to Hawaii his favorite vacation spot, however, I think they now realize they are a comfort to me. It is just so hard and lonely without him. They say time will heal and I know that but the hurt and loniness will always be there. He was a wonderful man and I was the luckiest person on this earth to of been his wife. May God bless you and thank you for your sweet words.

Leelalulee 07/09/2017

Foreverinlove... great username! Your story is very similar to mine. Husband had heart attack 3 months ago today. They tried the body cooling but he never recovered. I took Joe off life support 4 days later. Please know you are not alone and others are praying for you. Blessings, Lisa

addison 07/09/2017

II also lost my husband, he had heart disease and I told them it would not be a good thing to do another open heart surgery. He was at the Mayo and I think because he thought the Mayo was the best he went ahead ahead and had the surgery after four other doctors said it was to risky. He died 17 days later today would have been our 55th wedding anniversary. Life will never be the same for all of us that have lost spouses. I am so sorry you are going thru this. God Bless

Foreverinlove 07/10/2017

I was brought up in a strict Christain family my father was a minister and I know sometimes I blame God for taking my husband. I put my arms around my husband
when I found he had been diagnosed with stage 3 kidney diease and can you believe none of his doctors told us I,found it in his medical records then when I comforted the doctors they made out like it wasn't any big deal. To make the story short I immediately put my arms around my husband and said "please don't leave me on this earth without you". I know all of you have been through the horrible ordeal so thank you for all your support. I have family and friends that tell me you seem to be handling everything really good, however, I am good at hiding my feelings. I have also found out that as time slowly passes by people forget you. I am not on Facebook because I am a private person and I got tired of reading about people putting their whole life and everything they do on there. My husband and I both were retired from the airlines and I know he thought I would be provided for ten years after his death, however, I found I cannot draw his pension. He retired during bankruptcy protection and was receiving his pension through the government. He even took less money at retirement so needless to say I get exactly $300 more a month from good old Social Security. I know it's going to be hard financially and I won't be able to do for my two youngest grandchildren like in the past. I just feel I get slapped in the face with something new everyday. I love the song One Day at a Time, Sweet Jesus. That song is so true and brings so much comfort. I used to sing it when I was cooking when my husband was living and he would ask me what I was singing and I would tell him I am only asking God for us to have one more day together. Of course it's hard to hold tears back when I listen to it. Thank everyone for all your kind words and May God Bless everyone.

Savannah17 07/10/2017

I am so sorry for your loss. I know what you mean. The pain is sometimes truly unbearable and I don't know how I'll keep going.

vwidow 07/13/2017

Hello. My husband also diagnosed with stage 3 kidney. But also chf. And in such a relatively short time. He was diabetic too- had open wounds on his soles when I met him. A few days before he died unexpectedly he said a doctor or somebody came into his hospital rm. talking about end or quality of life. I was upset when I heard it. He was supposed to exit hosp. anyday into a snf and they were delaying.
A lawsuit doesn't bring someone back and I've come to view hospitals as murder centers.

jdp 07/13/2017

Unanswered questions
Unrealized dreams...
But life continues for those of us who remain
One moment, one step @ a time.
We are here for you
We understand your loss & grief
Keep the faith
jdp

Cavewifelost 07/16/2017

Foreverinlove, my husband battled cancer for two years. During that time, he had eight surgeries/procedures. Many of those were not from the cancer itself, but from the lovely side effects of cancer. He came very close to dying on three occasions. In each case, it was due to a mistake or an oversight on a doctor's part. In all three cases, his life was saved by another doctor who swooped in at the last minute. None of these doctors knew him from Adam and had no hand in his treatment. They were just like angels. My point is that all doctors are human and they all make mistakes and all sometimes do great and amazing things. I could probably hire an attorney and sue a few people if I wanted to, but I'm not going to do that. I don't want to be angry and I don't want to blame anyone. My mother, on the other hand, can't figure out who to be maddest at yet or who to blame more. She's mad at God and she's mad at doctors. Going back over it, there is one man that I could blame for all of this , but it's all water under the bridge now. He died from complications of a horrible disease. I have so much sorrow and so many happy memories that I don't have room for anger right now. I hope it stays that way. I'm not saying that your doctors didn't make mistakes. My doctors certainly did! Still, I have to let that go, or the anger and bitterness will eat me alive. My heart goes out to you. Please try to focus on the love you had with him and getting over your deep sorrowful grief.

Join the Conversation