Bob, I'm sorry for your loss, but glad you found your way here. My husband Cliff died unexpectedly, he was only 55, and I was 50, and in moments I became a single parent to our sons who are both on the autism spectrum (I have one Aspie and one Autie). My younger son was still in high school when Cliff died, and I know the full weight of taking on your new double-role -- I did it, too. It was truly hard as Cliff was our guys' mentor and protector, their hero, and I have had to fulfill all the Dad stuff. It feels awkward and I felt inadequate for the job, but somehow we muddled through. You will, too.

Your daughter's guidance counselor and school psychologist can help. My son got his grief counseling at school through his. His teachers and the rest of his study team were briefed about how he would react and what he might do in his grief. This was crucial. At one point, he blew up at a teacher - one of his favorites - and instead of being suspended and written up, she knew it was the grief talking. We had just had an IEP meeting 2 weeks before Cliff died. His teachers were just as shocked as we were. The best thing you can do for your daughter right now is work with her counselors and IEP team.

I am assuming you're still working. Check and see if there is an Employee Assistance Program at your work, and if there is if there is any kind of counseling available through it. I received my grief counseling, as did my other son, through my work's program, and it was free. Some employers have a program, but it is reduced fee instead of free, or you have to go through insurance. Either way, you are going to need the help yourself to find your way through this as grieving and parenting a special needs kid is not a walk in the park. Please do that as soon as you can.

I expected Cliff to go first, but not for another 20 years. I wasn't prepared for it. I am not sure any of us ever really are, regardless of the circumstances. You will get through this. Don't give up.

Welcome.

Love and Hugs,
Martha, co-Community Leader

Hi Bob, My husband's name was Bob and I have a son named Bob also. It was confusing when the phone would ring at our home and the caller would ask for Bob.
On a serious note, I'm very sorry for the loss of your wife. I don't have the right advice for you but Martha had a lot of good information and experience. I just want to wish you the best. Things will be foggy for a while but it will get better. Hugs to you and your wonderful daughter. Dolores

Bob,
My condolence to you.
I too was confused and didn’t know what to do. For 3 months I felt like I have died.
As time goes on it will be less and less painful.
Hugs,
Lexie

Bob, sorry for your loss. This is a good site to let out some of your feelings.we all are or have gone through them. Hugs and support to you.