Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I'm almost at the one year mark, that point in time when everyone else has moved on and very few people are probably aware that it is less than one month to mark one year of his passing. Anyway one of my friends told me yesterday, that she didn't know what I was going to do for the one year mark, if I was going to try to work through it, take it off, spend it w/family or just me and the dog, but she had cleared her calendar as a just in case and was not looking for me to make plans or tell her what I was going to do, she just wanted me to know that she was there for me and available even if at the last minute. Her kindness has meant so much that it has been with me all day. We all talk here about how fast everyone else moves on back to their lives, I think it made me even more touched by her thoughtfulness. I do think I will acknowledge the day with a trip to the ocean, it has always been my go to place. When we talked about some day moving away from the coast after retirement, he always used to say as long as we were near the ocean, he could never move me away from being further than 2 hours away. I used to say no, not true, but know I realize he was right, I don't need to go to the beach just see the ocean even if it's just driving by it on the way to see my mother - as long it is still there, I know life still goes on. I just want to make sure i have firm plans - I don't want to waste the day and I will invite her to go with me
My one year mark is approaching and I am scared about all the pitfalls surrounding my unique life and all that it means to Try and Mark the day in a way this is more healing, than hurtful.
You have been blessed!
Your friend gets this...you are blessed.
I don't want to sound ungrateful but I simply felt overwhelmed and never really got to express my grief.
It's tough to know what to do. When to back off and when to move forward without being intrusive......I get it. Well, I get it more now that it involves me and I'm deep into the trenches of it!
I've been hard on a lot of folks who have reached out to me, I know it!
I hope for better days ahead.
Roz
Painful stop-you-in-your-tracks grief seems to happen later, and it's entirely unpredicable. I can be perfectly fine one minute, and then something insignificant will set me off on another wave of grief. I believe Scottito describes it as a buckin' bronco. That seems apt.
Now that the flurry of activity has died down, I really need those kind word or pats on the back. That's when real friends reveal themselves, and a simple, "How's it going?" means a lot.
I liken grief to a disability. You can never get over it, but you can learn to cope with it. A good friend will be there months or years from now. They'll understand you might not talk about your lost spouse for some time--might even seem normal again--and then suddenly feel the need to grieve some more.