Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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andrealambert 02/12/2016

So, I had a really sad dream about my wife's death that had me tore up for most of the day. Therapy helped, but I'm still feeling really sad about it.

When my wife and I were together we used to live in one-bedroom second floor of a back house that we called "The treehouse because if the view and because there was a big tree in the back yard next to it. In my dream my wife and I lived in two actual treehouses. One had our bedroom and bathroom in it and one had this really cool vaulted study with lots of bookshelves and the kitchen in it.

I dreamt we were really happy with our treehouse and hosted an art salon in the study as we did actually do while she was alive.

I dreamt my wife was out of the country and i couldn't talk to her for a while. I dreamt I wanted to call her. Suddenly, I realized she was dead and I could never call her again. It was heartbreaking.

WhenI woke up, I felt awful. So sad. I had been thinking about her a lot lately. The feeling stuck with me all day.

I just wanted to share that because I feel like I need some widow witnessing. Thanks for listening.

letmehelpyou 02/12/2016

Andrea,

I am sorry, those dreams suck. I haven't had one in about six months at this point and I am five years out.

Hugs,
Val

ajm1959 02/12/2016

I've had some bad dreams too. Sorry about yours. my counselor told me to re-think the negative into positive. The dreams and thoughts should be looked at as how much I loved him instead of pain. hugs Arlene

barbarame 02/12/2016

Do you not think that this is to remind you that she is just un another room for now, but that she hears you still and will care for you and help you through? I do know that those who have passed over do not mourn us, because they are not separated from us - it is we, who in our state of unknowing cry. I wish I knew a way to tell you that we will be reunited - never to know the helplessness of feeling bereft again.

cliffskat 02/12/2016

I had one of those a couple of months ago - wanted him to stay and he said he couldn't. They always mess me up the next day. I do feel that some of them are visitations, others not, so am grateful for them, but at the same time it's a bit like losing him again when I wake up. The last one was a good one as he looked so healthy and radiant - absolutely amazing and wonderful. But still sad when he said he couldn't stay, I knew he was dead and that he couldn't stay - it wasn't possible.

The deeper the acceptance of the loss becomes, I think the nature of these dreams has shifted for me. I am a little better at enjoying those visitation ones for what they are now, and I do recover more rapidly from the sadness they leave afterwards.

Do you still talk to her? I still talk to Cliff whenever I feel I need to. I think he hears me.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

cgriff4ever 02/12/2016

Same as martha, had a dream of sean on the phone to me, saying he couldnt stay, would always love me but had to go.. all I can say, is it was suppose to be peaceful, but it made me more sad... Much love and big hugs carla

andrealambert 02/12/2016

You know, cliffskat, I do still talk to her ghost. I woke up with her ghost calling me the special name we used to share for each other and apologizing for committing suicide and leaving me all alone.

Talking to her ghost helps me. We have worked out a lot of things that way.

baileyolson 02/13/2016

Oh the dreams! At first they were wonderful, we would be going places together, having our adventures, enjoying friends and family. Now they have turned heartbreaking. The last dream was of me with him at a nursing home. It was lunch time ( I often had meals with him there during the time he spent recover g there). I was helping other residents but overheard the folks at his table discussing THE ANNULMENT. I questioned them and was told he was having our marriage of over 40 years anulled. He was so loving when i asked him about it. Matter of fact, but so loving. He told me simply he had to go. I woke up so, so sad. I spent days in tears but finally I guess out it was away of telling me tthat our marriage was over. "Till death do us part." The last words he said before he passed were " I'm sorry, dear, but I just have to go. I love you."

I'm so sorry this is our new reality. May we all find peace. {{{Hugs}}}
~ Bailey ~

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