Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
Hi everyone,
I took a big step yesterday. It's been 3 1/2 years since David died and I swore I'd never take off my rings; swore I'd be happy staying married to him forever - even though he does not walk this Earth anymore.
I've learned that longing for him day after day is not going to bring him back.
I've learned that frantic activity will not erase the grief.
I sold our home, moved into a rental condo, moved out and back into another home. I feel like I've been going round and round in circles.
I gave away or sold most of my (our) possessions.
Starting over with everything new just backfired. Moving and buying everything new costs a heck of a lot of money and can't be done in a few years (still waiting to buy bedroom furniture, book shelves, garden tools, etc.) It doesn't take away the pain. And I miss our old home.
Grieving is a part of this journey - I get that - but I don't' want grief to define my life forever. I want to live in this world and that means really letting go of what can never be again.
I will always love David with all my heart and soul, honouring the life we shared here on Earth.
I need to Move Forward (those dreaded words of early days) and would like to share my life with someone new.
Just saying that sounds scary even to my own ears, but I will go slowly. I won't go out looking for a mate, but will join social groups and just let things unfold naturally.
And now I've taken that first step.
I took a big step yesterday. It's been 3 1/2 years since David died and I swore I'd never take off my rings; swore I'd be happy staying married to him forever - even though he does not walk this Earth anymore.
I've learned that longing for him day after day is not going to bring him back.
I've learned that frantic activity will not erase the grief.
I sold our home, moved into a rental condo, moved out and back into another home. I feel like I've been going round and round in circles.
I gave away or sold most of my (our) possessions.
Starting over with everything new just backfired. Moving and buying everything new costs a heck of a lot of money and can't be done in a few years (still waiting to buy bedroom furniture, book shelves, garden tools, etc.) It doesn't take away the pain. And I miss our old home.
Grieving is a part of this journey - I get that - but I don't' want grief to define my life forever. I want to live in this world and that means really letting go of what can never be again.
I will always love David with all my heart and soul, honouring the life we shared here on Earth.
I need to Move Forward (those dreaded words of early days) and would like to share my life with someone new.
Just saying that sounds scary even to my own ears, but I will go slowly. I won't go out looking for a mate, but will join social groups and just let things unfold naturally.
And now I've taken that first step.
Removing your ring is not a cosmic event in itself, but in your case it represents an acknowledgement of a change in your life circumstances. So it's kind of an outward action that represents a change you have made in your mind.
I like what you said about not letting grief define your life forever.
Eventually we all need to get back to the job of living our life to as full as we can.
So, as some wise person once said, every journey begins with one step. You just took it. Safe travels, and may you find happiness again.
Bob
Many blessings! XO Sue
I guess that left an impression on me and I realized that if I do want to meet somebody, I need to "let go" of David.
Everyone does this in their own way and as per jdpq's reply, one day she had the rings and another she did not. Perhaps that's what I thought would happen down the road.
Now, however, I've decided that I need to jump into life and removing my ring was a significant part of the letting go process. It does feel funny - my bare finger, but I will get used to it in time.
It's sounds like you are moving in the right direction. I took my rings off a couple of weeks before Christmas, it was just something that seemed right to do for me.
Good luck in your new beginning.
Maggie