Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Too many triggers!

loveddogs
loveddogs
Doesn't seem like I can get away from them. after 40 years together, everything reminds me of him. Can't listen to the radio, can't drive by restaurants we frequented, Don't ever want to step inside the VA again. Even trying to mow the back yard only reminds me of the plans we had to add a pond (still in the box) and put up a pergola over our brick patio. Everything I try to do turns to shit. Got up today with wonderful intentions to get some yard work done. Bugs were bad, couldn't find the off. Lawn mower blade too dull to cut through my lawn turned to weeds. Edge trimmer ran out of string. So I spent the day, the whole day crying!! And my allergies are crazy and I can't breathe. How can the human body manage to produce so many tears? Was invited out to eat with my brother and his wonderful wife, but turned them down. The place they were going is always packed and I just can't deal with a lot of people. Still going to the grocery store late at night to avoid running into anyone I may know! All it takes is for someone to ask how I am or say" sorry for your loss" and I become a blubbering idiot. Finally got the cork out of a bottle of wine. so am sipping it hoping I can sleep tonight. God I miss him!!
tiger1962
tiger1962
My dear, these feelings and tears are all normal. Try to find someone to mow the lawn. If you cannot find one, that is OK. Lawn can wait. Your brother and friends can wait. They all can wait, everything else can wait. But take care of yourself first. Hugs, Tiger
KimKos
KimKos
Sending you a very gentle hug...I know how hard this is. I have this overwhelming urge to mow your lawn yet I pay a kid on the block to do mine....honey I know this feels impossible but you have just been through the unimaginable...one tiny step my friend..one teeny tiny shaky wobbly step,,sending you one more gentle hug
bookdragon
bookdragon
Just one thing that does not go right and I become a mess. After 5 months i am able to be around people, as long as they don't ask me how i am. I ended up hiring someone to cut the grass. Of course everything reminds you of your mate, you were together a long time, it will get easier the day to day stuff we have to deal with. The things you don't get to will wait for another day. First and foremost take care of you . I was mess till 3 months when i found this site, the realization that people did go on with life(not get over) made it easier for me to get on with the day by day process of living this new life. The tears do go on. Hugs Patti
hgsdms
hgsdms
Oh yes, those d*** triggers. I wanted nothing more than to run away to some place where there would be no triggers. A friend reminded me that after 47 years there would always be triggers.....in my mind, so there was no running away. I realize now she was right. After 14 months the total loneliness has set in, but the extreme pain and tears have subsided. Take one teeny weeny baby step at a time and give yourself permission to do only what you want to do at that moment whether it be cry, throw something, etc. The house, yard, etc can wait. Really. Hugs, Darlene
regwin
regwin
You need to cry to get through the grief process. I used to wonder when it would stop. It will in time.
I can relate as to not wanting to go out to eat. Your family and friends mean well. It's not easy even being in the company of couples. This will get better after a while and you'll be appreciative of their love for you. They are hurting for you.
Don't try to do too much. I agree about hiring someone to do the grass. It may be better to grocery shop early in the morning. I shopped till I dropped or just went out and window shopped so not to be home. Take care of yourself. Brighter days are ahead. Hugs, Dolores