Alex:, I am so very sorry for your loss. Too early for you to lose your wife. Absolutely. Too early to find support. Never. Come here to vent and get support as much as you need to. The first couple of weeks are really surreal. I would automatically do everything for two. Set the table for two, etc... I never really noticed couples until I was widowed. Then they were omnipresent; reminding me of everything I lost. People will expect you to get back to normal quickly, but please don't put that demand on yourself. Be kind to yourself and give yourself some slack. It is a long road my friend, but you are not on it alone. Sending hugs and positive thoughts your way.
Valerie

Alex,
I am so sorry for your loss. It is good that you are here.
You must be feeling in an unreal state right now. The first weeks I was hypersensitive to everything. We all know what you are going through.
You will get the Insight and support here. Take care of yourself and don't expect too much of yourself right now,
Hugs, peace and hope to you Alex,
Sandra

Hi Alex. It is hard to wake up every morning and return home every night to the realization that no one is there. I'm sorry for your loss and understand the immense undertaking it is to attempt to live a life without them. I've been doing it for over 7 years now and there are many good days, but the love we shared is always missed. In the beginning I floundered feeling lost and almost on auto pilot. The grief comes in waves and with different strength, but we just get through each day for tomorrow is beyond our comprehension.

Welcome to the group and feel free to share your days with us for we are all living through the same emotions. I am one of the community leaders here along with Martha ( cliffskat ) and Marsha ( marjoe ). We are further along than most members, to share our thoughts and help as we can. Sharon

Alex,
You have come to the right place. You will find support and friendship here. Someone will always listen and you can rant and rave all you want. No judgement ever. You are so early in your loss. I have traveled this road for 73 days so I am early in this too, but further along than you and I will tell you it will get worse before it gets better. You are still numb so know that things will change and not always in a good way, Yes it seems that we have a numerical system we didn't learn in school when we lose our spouse. It is 0, 2,3,4,and so on. Seems like there is either no one around or 2 or more. " 1 is the loneliest number" as the song says. I also have been to gatherings since I lost my husband where I was the only woman there without a husband. I am the youngest of the group I socialize with so that makes me feel even more strange as I shouldn't be the first one alone in our circle. I have only been to the store once since august and I used one of those little carts I see the old people use who don't buy much, Well now that is me. Guess my husband was the one who all the stuff I bought was for, because I sure don't use much it seems. Hang in there as the waves come crashing in on you and don't let anyone bully you into thinking you should be a tough guy and get over it. You grieve the way you need to and get support everywhere you can. Prayers to you.

Hi Alex

My husband passed on Oct 25th...it seems like forever and it seems like if I just wait...he'll come through the door...

I keep hearing that it takes time but the hardest part of losing a spouse (for me) is that he was my soft spot to land when I needed to heal...and he isn't here

even though I run a hospice it didn't prepare me for this ....hard for people to know what to say to me...harder to know what to say to them sometimes.

This group seems to be a spot where there is a shared understanding of this...I hope you are able to find comfort and support when you need it... the community here seem very open to sharing this...

D

I am so sorry for the loss of your wife Alex. That missing half of a couple has been the hardest for me also.
DS is such wonderful site to share your feelings ..good or bad. We all understand and care. So visit often to share or read and take the time to be gentle to yourself.
Hugs Deb

Alex, my beloved Jim passed away from a massive heart attack Oct.25. Feeling so empty without him! I went out with some friends of ours last Saturday night after church, thinking it would be good for me. But only to realize how many couples were there, every time the door opened I thought it would be Jim, I had to leave there asap. I cried all the way home in my car thinking how empty and alone I felt. I hope time will heal you, and all of us on this long sad journey. My prayers are with you.
kadji

I'm so sorry for your loss Alex. Isn't it odd how we see couples everywhere? I guess we're just very aware of the empty space in our lives that our spouses filled. It's been 7 months for me and I feel so alone even if I'm with a group of friends. I'm the only widow in my family and circle of friends. The wonderful people here on DS are helping me learn to cope with the unwanted "new normal". Wishing you peace.

Thanks for all your kind and caring replies. I don' t only miss Dee,
I miss " us". As onward1 said, we gain a new awareness of the couples around us, sadly 'cause we are not anymore.
I feel that I was the most blessed/lucky man on the face of the earth- not trying to quote or besmirch Lou Gehrig here, as if playing baseball could ever compare to the love of a great woman.
The outbursts of mourning...like just putting groceries away and the song " I Miss You" by Klimaxx from the mid-to- late 1980s gets into my head...and when my best friend, who took me out to dinner last night after we visited Dee's grave and has been overwhelmingly supportive, went up to pay the dinner bill and I noticed- without trying- all the couples around me...and the tears fall like rain...how do you handle the question " How's your wife?" without falling apart? More ?s than answers...thanks for listening...As Lord Tennyson penned "Tis better to have loved and lost than never have loved at all"....May GOD bless you all...Alex

Sorry for your loss. At 21 months, that void is still here.

Alex, so sorry for the loss of your wife. One week - the pain is so surreal and unbearable. My husband died in March from cancer, and I still cry every day... It always feels like my heart has been ripped out of me and my soul is still trying to find him. I joined a support group and it helps... Much peace to you and glad you found us and hope you come back soon.

I am so sorry for your loss and will keep you in my prayers and thoughts. Every day you will find yourself getting stronger. Life does go on and if you let it, life can go on beautifully. Good luck to you and always remember you are not alone.

Kym

Alex so sorry for your loss...may the love in your heart give you the strength for this journey....

Thanks again for all your prayers and kind thoughts. So many phone calls had to be made to try to return rented bed/ equipment and to try to get a memorial stone for Dee...as I try to get adjusted to the "new normal", whatever that is...seems a lot more complicated than it should be. Like most of you, sleep is all over the place-put tv on in den and fall asleep,wake up, go back to sleep, repeat. Our daughter went back to college as well, so hello empty house...no voices but the tv...although half in/out of sleep I have "heard" her call my name 2 times. Yesterday I started thinking that maybe I should (and did) ask GOD to guide me and allow me to serve him in the best way possible. I cared for Dee for the last 4 years whenever she was recovering from her 4 surgeries and numerous hospital stays during her ( sadly) losing battle with cancer...maybe that was what I was supposed to do...the lost and void feeling is awful...but for me- I'm not telling anyone else what to do- if there is a chance to be happy,or at least not-that-sad, maybe I should take it, whatever it is, as long as it's legal...although I still grieve and mourn,sometimes at the most unexpected places/ times for her and would give anything to have her back....appreciate the opportunity to share and vent...May GOD Bless You all...Alex

Hi Alex! So sorry for you loss. In those first few weeks after I lost Art to cancer, I was like a zombie. Numb and unable to think straight. The physical and emotional pain was overwhelming!!! And yes, the realization that everyone around me was a couple was very hard for me. I have never cried so much in all my life and I have lost both parents as well as my sister. The loss of my soul mate is the hardest journey I have been on. Take it one day at a time!!! I will be at the 6 month mark on November 19th and I can say I am having more good days now. Peace and comfort to you. Sue