but here I sit crying and wishing he was here to celebrate. It hasn't been even four months but it feels a lifetime. I have written in my journal and I always light a candle or two for him. How does one get through all these firsts. They seem to be so hard. Some days I feel fine and then it hits me like a tonne of bricks, then I am back to where I started again. I start my counseling at the end of this month, it is something I am really looking forward to. I miss Gary so much and I would do anything if I could get him to come back to me. My heart aches. This Saturday my best friend Wanda and I are going to Garys favorite steak place and having a steak in his honor. I think I will do this every year on Gary's birthday. Thanks for reading my post.