Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
A while back I posted a message for all the new people coming to the site. I lost my wife August 18,2016. I came home from work around five hours after leaving and found her in our bed gone to heaven. No indication of anything wrong. Just out of the blue.She had some health issues but not life threatening. I want repeat the whole post but basically I wanted to say to those new. It does get better after time. The pain doesn't really go away you learn how to manage it and ive with it. But it wil get better. Don't rush yourself and by all means do not ever let anyone tell you it's time to move on. You will know when it's time. Everyone of us are different and handle things differently in our own way. If you are a person of faith get in it deep. It will carry you thru those first days and weeks. Be patient with yourself. Reach out to those who have been thru this. It does no good to turn to those who are not there in the begining they can't relate in the early stages and your too raw and in need of someone with expereince with it. As time goes by you will find your going to have to find new friends. Because those you knew are too uncertain and nervous to be of any help. After several months, almost a year later God sent me a special person who reached out to me and has become a close friend. She has been supportive and helped me thru some rough times. But reach out to someone you trust if for no other reason to listen to you. There are no perfect answers to this. It's too big.
Mostly take yor time. Don't think about tomorrow it will come on it's own time. Even break it down to a minute at a time if needed. Take care of yourselves. Do what you need for you. Cry whenever you need to cry. Sleep when you need to if you can. It's very important to get rest. You've been thru a shock to your system. You need time to recover. But remember that no one can tell you how to get thru this. It's a path you have to walk and find your way. But you don't have to on your own reach out and ask for help.
The post I placed was titled a message for the new folks. It isn't intended for my own ego I truly wanted to give an example of my first year and how things can go positive for you. That's all. It does get better. I promise it can.
Take care.
Peace, Tim
Thank you for your words of comfort. My husband passed away July 28, 2016. Nothing makes me feel better I just try to preoccupy my time with work to take my mind of the pain. My husband died at home in bed, as well as your spouse did. He had cardiomyopathy, but no one ever knew. He never acted sick. He was always busy doing something. He loved people and would engage in a conversation with anybody. He was loved by many people. The day he died, I was at work and got home around 6pm. We had a great time, we watch TV, laugh, and crack jokes on each other like we normally do. It was one of the best evening we spent together. I went into the kitchen to fix me something to eat, and my husband went in the bedroom to lay down. I asked him if he was ok, and he said yeah I just need to lay hear for a few moments, but I will be okay. So I went back into the living room and let him rest for a few moments. I went back to check on him in 40 minutes, and he had passed away.
Most people (family, and friends) don't know what to say to you because they haven't went through anything like that. So I say to you, I'm glad you found someone you can talk to as a friend, and I appreciate your words of comfort.
Take care
There is no wrong or right way, we each learn how to manage in our own way. Talking it out with others who know first hand what it is like really helps. Take each day at a time, focus on your health. It does get better, not perfect but better. It just takes time. We are here for you, come back, read, share. (Hug)-- Cheryl