Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
My husband passed away on 3/14. A line of duty death after long career in the fire departement. I'm 36 and we have have 4 children. 1 in college and 3 at home. When he got really sick and needed full time care, I left my job so I take care of him and the kids. Now my only adult interactions are from the few friends, or all his colleagues, who reach out but keep saying things like "I just don't know what to say", or "it'll get better over time". The worst is "just hang on to all the great memories". The memories are amazing but they don't help me with my taxes or fix the car when it's acting up. They can't pick up a kid at soccer when I'm dropping the other off swimming. They certainly can't snuggle me at night when I can't sleep.
I finally made it through his memorial service this weekend. Just me, my kids, some family and friends and 300 of his fellow firefighters. I thought all I wanted was for that to be over but now the running around and planning is done and there's just nothing. Now we have to figure out how to live the day to day again.
This totally sucks! My husband died March 30th after several weeks of battling pneumonia caused by the flu virus. We are a blended family..7 kids...his 3 live 6 hours away though. His memorial service was Saturday. You are right...crazy busy and then nothing....I am numb and then shaky and then I am ok then in lonely than angry...everything I felt while he was fighting the illness but not as intense I guess because I know the outcome. I shared a lot on FB just didn't get too graphic..someone started a gofund me to help and people I didn't even know helped me bury him. Even if someone else hadn't started one for me..I am sure I would have done it. Its hard to ask for help but you need to, Melissa! My boss has also given me a loan to get by and I dropped my credit card payments. I still have a mortgage and newer car and can afford those things on just my income so I may wait till my ccs try to settle with me or file bankruptcy. I was a single mom before for 5 years so In going back in that mode and reminding myself that God can get me through this. I am on all the government help I can be on as well...its not fun applying but it helps immensely...the position you are in is not your fault...please seek some emotional support as well.
Sorry if I mentioned anything you have already tried. If you want to vent you can email me staciemarie1976@hotmail.com.
I get tired hearing sorry for your loss...I usually just say me too or thanks...but it is awkward!
I too am tired or hearing" I do not know what to say. ' I am 2 months into this horrible journey of widowhood. Also tired of people asking me how I am. Do they really want to know? I do not believe so. It is not better or easier or OK. Personally I do not know if I will really be OK. My husband was my best friend now that he is gone part of me will always be missing. I have people tell me call if you need anything for the most part that is just what people say. What I really think and will be more aware of people in this terrible situation do not want to be asking others for things. Maybe if driving by their home you notice the lawn is looking disheveled go help with the yard work. Ask if they might just want to take a walk, or drive try to get them out of the house. Just be there. I know I am not the type to ask so actions speak louder than words. Maybe a hug and no words is better then again this is me. We all grieve differently... ((hugs to you))
It was the saddest part of my life. I know friends would come around or call and say if there is anything they can do please let them know.
I don't even know what I want . Other than the obvious laundry, grocery and cooking.
I cried for weeks and weeks.
I ended up hiring a caregiver twice a week for 2 hours a day till I was able to drive.
Now I am feeling a little better.
Hugs to you