It's far too early for me to even give you an answer to that, as it's not yet been 2 months since I lost her. All I can tell you is that I find great joy in seeing couples together (especially my friends, and couples we patterned our marriage after). It brings back memories of what we had together. I can swim in those memories for an equal amount of time as we had them - maybe longer.

They say time heals it all. I don't know if that's true or not, but I'm looking forward from this point on. One day at a time, things will become less painful.

My heart goes out to you.

I am sorry you are in such deep despair, and cannot help but compare your situation with others. It is normal. I still experience a sting when I see a very old couple, grey haired, moving slowly but together and holding hands. They remind me, that the one, with whom I wanted to share our golden years, he is not here anymore.

Your pain will lessen, and your life will change into new "normal" . It will not be the same, but it will be your life, if that is what you choose to have.

I am 4 years and 8 months a widow, during this time, I have seen lives being transformed; moving from pain and despair, to new hope, even new dreams and goals.
Warm hug.

At the beginning, it was difficult for me to see couples together. I would look around to see if I could find my husband suddenly appear like a mirage. Now I say to myself I was lucky to have a wonderful husband for over 36 years. I still miss him a lot but I no longer cry in stores when I see couples shopping together. It will get better a little, bit by bit and it will take some time to heal. I am at 14 months.

I think as others have commented it is normal to feel like this. I forced myself in the early days to go out to places of interest so I didn't end up withdrawing from the world.

It does get easier. But it's not quick.

I feel the same way about seeing elderly couples. Even early on, my husband would tell me that he wanted to grow old with me. He would point out elderly couples holding hands and say "that's going to be us." I don't want to feel bitterness when I see couples, but I do. Not so much because that's what I wanted, but it is what Mike wanted and he didn't get it. :(

Your feelings right now are pretty normal. You are used to being a part of a "we and an us". It takes a while to adjust to just being one. But it will come in time. Be gentle and kind to yourself right now. Everything is very new for you. Take one day at a time and come to this site as often as you need to. We are here for you, we have been where you are. It is a painful place to be right now, but you are not alone. Wishing you peace and blessings. Sharon k.

Sammantha I totally understand your feelings. When I was walking my dog one day I saw a old couple with their grandchild. That was a dream I held close to my heart for my wife and myself that was ripped away. When I see a couple holding hands I also see closeness and intimacy that I once knew with my soulmate that is now gone. I am at 6 months and yes the pain is less intense overall but it does come in waves and the struggle is ongoing. Wishing you peace. Gerald

I do understand how raw it is for you. I am at 5 months, I have better days now but anything triggers my tears and seeing elderly couples holding hands is one of the trigger . I do nor feel bitter, just regretful but I think of the many years we had holding hands and I am grateful.

I wish you peace and hope tomorrow might be a slightly better day.
Big hug.

I felt it too, and it isn't easy to admit. I felt angry, jealous, as well as hurt. The unfairness screamed in my head. I can also admit the painful thoughts of why ISN'T that us.

Those feelings weren't me, or the me I thought I was. But it's true, I felt the horrible feelings of resentment and it is okay to feel them. It is the grief monster that teaches the hard lessons in losing your love and your life as it was. I don't think I thought of grief as a teacher back then. I hated grief so much. Truly hated it. It was painful and a monster. But we can't ignore it, we have to challenge ourself to survive, to heal, and to build. Sharon

I recall clearly the first time I went outside by myself, going back to the hospital my wife spent the most time in whilst receiving treatment for her cancer, I had to go for forms to fill out. On the bus ride there I seen one couple, young, very loving. It made me smile, but also hurt deeply. I was happy for them to have each other, to hold each other but felt such despair not having my wife with me again, to hold, to be with. On the bus ride home there was yet another couple very much in love, one of them got on the bus, the other waiting for the bus to pull away, they blew kisses to each other. Again, happy for them, but in despair at the same time for not having my wife with me.

I find now when I see couple's the thing that always comes to mind is that I hope they cherish each moment they have together, they respect each other and are always there for each other.

Seeing families together hurts me to. I lost my son in a custody battle before my wife died. So I have an added pain when I see families together. I never have been able take my son out for the day and that really rips at my heart. (My doesn't know me) is a post that sadly still is very much the same. I also discovered some horrendous stuff and posted that yesterday in the depression support group. But not having my son kills me. My wife is with me in spirit and can feel her. I randomly feel her presence so strongly that I start to tear up especially when I write about her right like right now I fill her. I am thankful for that and I hope you can find peace as I have

It does hurt to see all the couples and all our friends going on about their lives when ours has been shattered. My older daughter is having a hard time seeing her friend's dads with their grandchildren. My husband missed our first grandchild by 6 days. Just so heartbreaking. He was a big robust guy and was struck down in 3 days due to lack of care at the hospital.

Thank you all for your responses. I guess the reason why it hurts so much is my husband was my world. We were suppose to adopt a child together. I know I have a lot of animals to remember my husband by. I do go out on a regular basis.

It is interesting how we talk about what being alone is and how it has affected us. I have recently thought to myself when I see single women who might be older (50ish+), if they are shopping for one?? I am getting closer and closer to being compelled to asking them if they are a widow. (yes, it would be a stretch for me to ask right now), but the reality is...."are all of these single shoppers just widowed"? How tremendously sad, and they are probably needing help.