I am sorry for your loss. The best thing is to tell them all that it is too soon, and that you will not be able to even consider such changes for many months. Tell them you appreciate their care and concern, but you are on a different time-table now.

As far as his things, remember that everything that was his is now YOURS. People will come out of the wood work to try and get things from you. Unless your husband specifically wanted things to go to certain people, or unless you are legally bound by his will to do so, it is too soon to think about what you should give away.

An odd note of caution -- I found out that my husband's guitars and amplifiers were actually collectible and worth way more than I would have guessed. Cliff's musical equipment dated from the late 60's and early 70's, so I am guessing similar timeline for Peter. Again, it might not be a good idea to dispose of anything too quickly - both from an emotional standpoint and also a financial one.

I am sorry for your loss and that you are going through this. I am also glad you found us here. It will get easier, and you won't have to go it alone. I am one of the co-Community Leaders, along with Shrn (Sharon) and marjoe (Marsha), and if we can be of help, contact us anytime. Welcome.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

dede, at first I was throwing things away randomly, not thinking just doing it out of sadness and anger. I was so angry that he left me and that he got so sick. I was so sad that he had to suffer and that he had become so weak. He was my hero, he was the tough one, he ALWAYS helped me. I needed him, where was he?

DON'T GIVE OR THROW AWAY ANYTHING......not yet! Let time go by; time for you to gather your wits, time for you to think, time for you to pick up some of those puzzle pieces called YOU!

I felt so fragmented and everyone was so busy making decisions for me.......I was so grateful when they all left me and our two dogs alone, by myself to think, to cry, to mourn without interruption!

T-I-M-E....It will take time to make sense out of it all and in this time you will take stock of what you NEED to do and what you can let WAIT for when you're ready.

I'm at 19 months and I'm still in somewhat of a haze, not quite as thick as it used to be but still a haze.

Pick someone that you know will let you make the choices and ask for their help to do an inventory of all his stuff and what you want to do with it. Make a list, keep it private until you have a chance to go over it again and again.

Come back and tell us how you're doing. We've been there, are still there and done that. Most importantly, we're all happy to help.

Roz

DeDe
I am so sorry for your loss ..I think its too early as well and really hope you will listen to the advice these ladies are offering. As a person that took almost 2 years to realize I needed support I think this place is a god send...

Dede,
I am so sorry for your loss. My husband, Ben, passed 3rd, July 2014'
And I love him more every day. I understand your feelings.
I agree with the advice from the ladies, it is far too soon for any decisions.if they have not experienced the loss of a spouse, they think fast changes will make you feel better. I think they mean well, but it's draining on you. Martha, Roz and Kim have excellent advice.
Love, hugs peace,
Sandra

Hi Dedem,
I too, am so sorry for your loss. Everyone else had great advice.
It's way too soon to make any decisions. Take your time and take
care of yourself......once that fog lifts, you'll start seeing things more
clear....until then, put one foot in front of the other to get through each day......you can and you will....we are all here for you. Sending you
warm hugs and peace.
Pam

Dede I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my husband on Feb. 1st 2014 and felt and still feel the same as you do now about my home.It is my comfort zone and yes at times pain but for now I can't imagine living anywhere else. If financial difficulties are not a issue Martha and Roz gave excellent advice. You need time to greif and most of us here will agree decision making..large or small is very difficult now.
Be gentle to yourself
Hugs
Deb

I am very sorry for your loss.
I agree with all the posts above, it's way too soon for you to make any decisions.
My loss was 4 months ago, and I'm still not able to open my husband's closet.
My doctor told me not to make any major decisions for at least 6 months, but a year is better.

Hugs,
Janie

I am so sorry you had to join us here, but it's the best place to go.
I had to get rid of most of my husbands things. I had no income for 12 weeks while waiting on an autopsy report. I did keep a few things. Had to make decisions on my own. No regrets so far. But I will have to move on. I am living with my son while trying to regroup from that tragic day 4 months ago. Give it time, all the time you need.
Rachel

this seems to be a great community ...I really appreciate the generous support and advice from each of you
sleep is eluding me and I found this site while searching the web
I am swinging between disbelief and despair most days and more change feels like a fall I would not survive right now...
Finance is a real issue but stability to keep my life at work on track is my real concern...for now I am off and working flexibly...so fortunate to have this option
I run a hospice though and going back to work in end of life care is overwhelming ...

dede, I am so sorry for your loss. I can identify with everything you say, as my husband passed away on October 2, so tomorrow will be five weeks and I am still as overwhelmed as was the moment of his death. Time has not been friend so far, but I am still hoping to have a happy outcome at the end of my grief journey. I have been told that it is best not to make any decisions for at least a year. I couldn't even decide on which casket to get, so I let my kids do it for me. Don't let anyone convince you to do something you aren't ready to do. This is YOUR journey through the grieving process and you must travel at your own pace, not at anyone else's!!

Hoping you find some comfort in these days to come,
Linda