Deb, the "widow's fog" is clearing a bit and you're starting to see and grasp the stark reality that lies ahead for you.

It's a very long and winding, roller coaster ride this grieving thing. Don't let it overwhelm or knock you down. It's a process and we all have been through it, at one stage or another.

You'll start to feel good and even strong and capable and then suddenly you're dipping very low and it seems you'll NEVER climb your way out of it. YOU WILL, I promise.

There's no way of preparing ourselves for those huge dips of emotional sabotage, they're very natural and needed for us to heal.

Try and eat well and get as much sleep as you can, even if it's intermittent. It's important that you take care of you!

Warmly,
Roz

I think for me it was around 3 months that I woke up and realized that my life was forever changed. These last three months I went into my aloneness mode as I called it, as I had to learn to be alone, live alone, do things alone, my practice months. I am starting my 7 month and with the holidays......well more practice, and more firsts. Though with my faith I am never truly alone. You have my prayers. Hugs Katrina

At 3 months, typically, you are through the immediate redtape arrangements -- funeral, bank stuff, insurance claims, etc. - so you are less busy and less distracted from the pain. At 3 months, a lot of our social circles and families think we should be okay and more or less back to normal, so they come around less often, call less frequently, and leave us alone. Like Roz says, the initial shock and disbelief are wearing off, and so our emotions really start to rise. Because we have been dealing with all of the foregoing, we don't yet have a plan for what lies ahead yet. For many of us, not having that plan in place adds to the feelings of fear and insecurity. By now, you've been crying oceans, going without proper rest or sustenance long enough that physically you are worn down.

And that is all on top of simply missing them from the depths of our souls.

It is horrible, but it will begin to shift. It doesn't all evaporate overnight, but it will begin to change in the next month or two. That is the point a lot of us hit where we decide it's not how we want to spend the rest of our lives. But you almost have to cry it all out to get to that point, if that makes any sense.

By the time you hit 6 months, you will still be on the roller coaster, but the difference is that you will be stronger and know that you can keep going because you already have done so for 6 months. And your strength builds from then on. You will still have days where it knocks you down completely, but you will find you are stronger and can get back up again. The bumps of the roller coaster become less severe and less frequent.

I wish there was a short-cut through it all. There isn't. It helps to keep a journal. It helps to keep your body strong with rest and good nutrition and exercise. It helps to feed your soul with inspiring works or prayers or even art and music. It helps to read books on grief and books on anything else. It helps to have counseling or a face-to-face support group. It helps to develop new hobbies or revisit old ones. It will take lots of pieces to your individual puzzle.

You CAN get through this. It won't feel like it for awhile, but you will make it and you will find it was worth it to keep going.

I hope that helps.....

Love and Hugs,
Martha

Thank you all so much for your kind words. It helps to hear from others who have passed this mark. I know I have to go thru it and I do have GOD I know I am not alone and that is how I cope each day with prayer and devotionals I read along with bible each day. It prepares me to go forth. working helps also I work full time so I am busy the weekends and nights are my hard times my house is so quiet except for my three shelties, my loves and protectors. Thanks again I really appreciate this group.

Deb,

Like you, I've just passed the 3 month mark. November 2nd was 3 months. I just wanted to be alone all day. I was ok with that.

I'm feeling much the same way you are. I just miss my husband terribly. Everyday I've found just one more little thing that he did that made us a partnership. We worked so well together in so many different ways.

While other things are slowly falling into place, it's all surreal. Grant of administration has been processed. So legally, I own everything. His stuff, his business. I would give ANYTHING to have him back with me. I would rather not own any of it.

I've signed up for something in my area called "Surviving the Holidays" put on by GreifShare. I don't know if it will help, but it can't hurt at this point.

Hugs & prayers,

Sheila

I still haven't put up decorations since Morey passed in 2013. I love to see other people's lights, trees, colors dancing and brightening up the darkness but I just can't put up anything, not yet!

I guess when the holiday comes that I can own it and decorate it will be the day that I am truly healed from this loss.

We'll see,

Roz

I have not decorated like I did before to this day. Nothing is like it was before and I think it began happening around the 3rd month. I realized he wasn't coming home and he wouldn't be here when I returned. It made me so incredibly sad. Hugs to you, Sharon