Liz, I know that my boyfriend who lost his wife to stage four lung cancer has a hard time with it. Not that he doesn't wish people the best and he is totally devoted to finding a cure for lung cancer, along with early detection and screening. It is just hard for him to hear the success stories because it makes him feel too little, too late for his wife. And it starts the what ifs. Same for my best friend who lost her husband to cancer. I believe it is totally natural.

Hugs,
Val

I feel the same way as you. We have "we will beat cancer" adverts on the radio and it totally does my head in - I find myself swearing at the radio regularly whilst driving to work!

Although my dear wife died of cancer, she did survive for 15 years past her first diagnosis. I am also a cancer survivor. So I have very mixed feelings. I am extremely grateful to have had those 15 years, and yet I'm so sad that she is gone.

My wife did ask me to participate in a Relay for Life event with her some years back, and I did, but it was really not my sort of thing. Even then, I didn't feel like celebrating rah rah rah hooray. Because the way medicine is now, you are never really sure that cancer is totally gone.

I lost my beloved with cancer & when I hear people say that I'm cancer free, my thoughts are once you have cancer & even if you go into remission, it will come back. Maybe I'm wrong & believe me, I would like to be wrong, but my husband fought 3 different cancers in a 10 year span. I just wish there was a cure !!!

When he first died and I met people I know who have survived and he died from lung cancer within six months. I was jealous and would question why? Some had lung cancer before he was diagnosed. After.22 months, I understand better and I tell them I am praying for them to be healed completely.

I feel sick to my stomach when I hear the term Cancer Survivor. So what do we call people who didn't survive? Failures? because they weren't able to survive? My hubby fought with every once of energy he had to be here for me and our girls, but he didn't survive. There should be a term for those who die from cancer, not just the survivors.

I think we all fall under the "why me" or maybe "why not me" syndrome. It's part of the "it's not fair " phrase of grief. The truth, for me, is we have all been spared more than once. I had my husband for 40 years, not 10 or less. My children had their dad to adulthood, not losing him as a child. These are the things we remember in time when the grief finds a place in your life and doesn't control every aspect of it. Sharon

I know how you feel. Although my husband did have cancer, he died from liver disease caused by cirrhosis and hep c...and when I see those ads on the bus with a bunch of happy people and the caption 'organ donation saved our family' or something to that effect, I want to reach up and tear it into little pieces...my husband was not a candidate for transplant, and they wouldn't consider me as a live donor, even though I brought up the idea several times.

Same thing when I see those tv ads about a medication that can cure hep c...I think 'now you tell me'...

I do understand. Difference is I also went through chemo, radiation and surgery. When I received the phone call that I was going to be ok I cried. Not because I was happy but I didn't know how to tell my wife. She had already been diagnosed as terminal. After our children convinced me to tell her I felt horrible. She said that's not really fair. I started to cry again. She said what are you crying for? I'm dying and your not. Did I really survive.

Liz, no, you are not alone.....while I try to be happy for them, I feel that knot in the pit of my stomach.....why couldn't my husband beat it.

He was in remission for only 3 months before it came back with a vengeance.

My wife went through a protracted decline for several months, but I still do not know why. She was 62, not that old. I pressed her doctor at the last hospital to tell me what the hell is killing my wife. All he could say is it looks like some auto-immune syndrome is attacking her organs aggressively. Now our daughter worries that some day her body will turn on itself. At least she knows to watch out for it.

I have guilt. Maybe I could have done more/better/different? My daughter told me I was incredible, and did everything I could possibly do. That helps a little.

I understand that hearing ads on the radio, or someone talking about cancer, can bring up all the memories, and they are not all good memories.

I'm trying something. When a memory of my wife comes up with the image of her gaunt body hooked up to a respirator in ICU, I try to switch the image with one when she was healthy, beautiful, happy. I think it's helping.

My co-facilitator in my DBSA group's wife is fighting breast cancer. The prognosis is good, just the pills have shrunk the tumor to the point where they can't see it. I'm happy for him/them.

No, Liz, you're not alone in feeling this way. I felt the same way.

But I'll tell you - after 7 years, and seeing friends contract cancer, fight it, go into remission, survive/die - I know that it's a horrible battle no matter if we live or die. I've got to say that those feelings have left me now. But I know what you're saying. Hugs, Marsha

Hmmm . . cancer. I abhore that word and all that comes along with it. My husband didn't die of cancer per se, although it was secondary and would have gotten him eventually. I've had however many friends survive it .. . through many differing strategies of dealing with it. Not sure what to say, if anything. I think it goes back to 'when it's your time, it's your time'. No matter the resources or procedures. We try our best . . . I'm so sorry for your loss and the 'C' word mentioned. Hang in there . we're with you. Hugs, D

I am so emotional, damn angry & can't understand why anyone has to die from this horrid disease. Nor do I want another person to die from it. But when I hear the word survivor or about the strides in made in cancer treatment. I come unglued. Really, what a joke! Now it's 1 out of every 2 people will be diagnosed with cancer. And honestly I believe it's a cash cow for the pharmaceutical companies. It's a multi-billion dollar industry. And the chemo drugs & radiation actually cause cancer! The disease has touched our family with a vengeance taking first my daughter in February 2014 with bile duct cancer, then my husband April 2014 with lung cancer. June 2014 my son was diagnosed with colon cancer. If it were not for the death of his father & sister he would not have insisted, fought, to have a colonoscopy before the suggested age. It's fortunate that he was so adamant about having the procedure & that it was found early. No way can I call him a survivor! I know very well... there's always the possibility of it lurking, ready to rear its monstrous head!! So yes, it upsets me...what about all those that fought hard & lost their lives to this dreaded disease!