Yes, I understand totally. Yesterday, my best friend had a spa day set up for us. I so did not want to be there!!! The massage was relaxing but once she was done and left me to get dressed, I started to cry. It was a real fake it until you make it day. Takes all your energy just to try appear like everything is okay when it so not!! Art did all the driving and now I am trying to tune up my skills on the road. I dread it also!!! Yes there are days when I don't feel like a part of anything. You are not going crazy!!! You are not alone!! Sue

You are not crazy you are grieving. I am the same way since my husband died 4 1/2 months ago, doesn't matter if it is a family function, dentist, grocery shopping, work, anywhere other than my home is like climbing Mount Everest at this point. My home is my safe haven, I get to me the grieving widow here, no happy face to put on, no worries about what others are thinking. Next weekend is a work function away and the thought sends me into a panic attack. I am sure it will be fine, but getting there is gonna require a lot of self talk. I work with a lot of very supportive people, but they don't understand what I am going through, I am the first one in the office to lose a spouse. I can retreat to my room when it gets to be too much and I am taking my own car just in case it is overwhelming and I need to leave. Although driving home alone scares me. I get the observer thing, it's almost like an out of body experience, you go through the motions but nothing registers if that makes any sense. Sorry I'm rambling. You are definitely not crazy and not alone on this journey.

I'm at almost four years and I have always traveled a lot on my job and always loved it. I would stay in a hotel sometimes a week at a time. However, after Brian died it was an effort to get to my office five miles away from the house. I've had to force myself to travel on the job and do a couple of little weekend trips with friends. I'm still a little anxious about it, but I'm traveling 4 hours one way in October and I'm really looking forward to going, but still that touch of anxiety.

Take little steps. I forced myself for the first year, but if I hadn't I would have probably laid at home and not done anything with my friends. In hindsight, I'm glad that I have forced myself to do things that have made me uncomfortable. I'm at the point where if I want to enjoy my life, I'm know I'm going to have to get out in the world and try. So I keep on trying.

Nessie from KY

You are NOT going crazy, it is all part of this horrible journey, we all go through different phases and different feelings but it is all the same in a way. I don't want to do anything but spend time at the cabin, that is where I feel Peace. My house is a mess, my son wonders when I am going to make a home cooked meal again, it is all it takes to move. So you are not alone in how you feel. I take each day as it comes and whatever happens happens, I need to start forcing myself to move, to get things done but it will take a while to get there and you too. We have been through hell and some of us are still there but listening to others who are farther along there is a sliver of hope, just keep reaching for it and I will too.
Peace and Love to you
Laurie

Nope, not losing you're mind at all. I totally know what you mean. Wayne used to do most of the driving too. It took a while to get used to driving alone to do stuff besides go to work. It took almost the whole first yr just to get out and go shopping on my own without my mom or sisters helping me. But often I still feel like I'm just floating through life, not living, but watching everything around me happen.

You are definitely not going crazy-it's been a little over a year since I lost my husband and I still have days where it's hard to get to get motivated to do anything. Earlier on it was difficult to get out and join others but that gets easier with time. Be gentle with yourself and do what feels right. Wishing you peace, Lori

We are all going through the same things and its just awful, I wonder why it is that God has chosen to take all of these men. My daughter says its because we are the stronger and God leaves his strong soldiers to carry on. I dont know what to believe any more, i just hope all our husbands are waiting for us when we go to find them one day. Hugs to you all. Val

It really IS difficult to regain your footing. This is grief - this is mourning.
Certainly it is not crazy. See how many of us are here? We all know exactly how you feel, and our hands are held out towards you to help you, a fellow traveller on this journey. It is a part of life experience - but we do not relish it! I am just happy in a strange way that it was my partner who left rather than me. I think I am better able to cope - and I would sooner bear this pain rather than let her do so. We are with you, dear, please know that! ((SOFT LITTLE HUGS))

You are not CRAZY!! I think we all feel the same way. We're all grieving and I think grief makes you feel crazy sometimes! I know what you mean about not feeling "part" of anything. It's almost like an "out of body" experience. Just going through the motions. Just keep doing it though - I do - maybe one day it will get better. Funny you talk about the dental appt. Rich and I went to the same dentist for our cleanings - although we never went together- we even had the same hygienist. When I went for my cleaning about a month ago - I wasn't even thinking about it. But when I got to the office and sat down - I almost burst into tears. I guess it was just thinking about Rich sitting in this very same waiting room that got me! And the driving - I worked so I drove all week. I always looked forward to the weekends - 'cause I knew I wouldn't have to drive again until Monday - Rich would drive us everywhere!
So see - you're not crazy - Sending you hugs and hoping tomorrow is better than today!

I get it. That is how I feel like I don't fit in anywhere anymore. Every place I look I see couples doing the things we used to do. I used to be fine going shopping, or even eating out alone, but now I feel like I have a neon sign on my back that says Widow-lonely-and pitiful. I have seen others saying to put a mask on when you are out in public so others don't feel like they should avoid being around you. Guess that is all we can do. Pretend to be fine because others don't want us to be sad for too long. Be miserable when we are alone. I always drove so I just cry when I am in my car. I pull off in a parking lot and just let it out and then when I am done I put on sunglasses so no one sees my red puffy eyes.